People Confess The Silliest Reasons They Stopped Being Intimate With Someone

Not all relationships are meant to go to the next level and step into the bedroom. Not all relationships are meant to last in the bedroom, either.

There are countless reasons a person might be turned off from being intimate with someone, and honestly, there are some pretty hilarious reasons out there, too.

Redditor Key-Fly558 asked:

"What's the silliest reason you stopped having sex wtih someone?"

Movie Quotes

"It was 2003, and this guy always quoted 'Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.' The movie had been out for almost a decade, and it was annoying, but this guy was really good-looking, so I ignored it."

"One night, things were getting pretty hot and heavy, clothes were starting to come off, and he pulls his head back to look at my body up and down approvingly, and in his most seductive tone, says, 'Alrighty then!'"

"Nope."

- thankyoumelatonin

"I had a friend who would always quote 'Borat.' Even though we were never intimate, it was so annoying. The movie had also been out several years and was nothing new. He would always say the 'very niiice' and 'I liiiike' and 'sexxyyyy timeee,' and I just couldn’t take it anymore."

"I stopped being his friend (for a number of other reasons that were less unbearable)."

- WrongdoerRough4367

Dream Analysis

"I had a dream that I rode a giraffe, but my saddle on it was close to its head on its neck. I told her about this dream, and she dismissed it, saying it was stupid, and that it would be impossible for a giraffe to support my weight (180 pounds)."

"This led to a heated discussion about the tensile strength of giraffes’ neck muscles."

"In the end, she refused to even consider it as a possibility, so I broke things off with her. It was a stupid reason to break up with someone, but I would do it again in a heartbeat."

- WhiskeyTangoBush

Not An Open Relationship

"Not silly really in that it makes perfect sense that we stopped sleeping together but silly as in ridiculous:"

"A woman I was somewhat regularly sleeping with in university found out she was pregnant by the guy she used to date. We hadn't been seeing each other long enough for the baby to be mine."

"I learned this when she video called him from a bed we were sharing to let him know that, due to their shared religious beliefs, they needed to get married."

"After the call, she asked if I was up for another round. I declined and left her apartment. She did not graduate with the rest of our class."

- Promethelax

A Surprise Medical Emergency

"While doing the deed, her face felt abnormally wet. I turned the light on and I had a nosebleed. Dude, she had so much blood smeared on her face and chest, like it was everywhere."

"My heart started pounding even harder, because she is a 10/10 baddie (abnormally beautiful) and I was absolutely mortified. Surprisingly, she didn't react and fixed my nosebleed before letting me clean the blood off of her."

"We are now happily married."

- Reasonablenessss

Not A Good Look

"I saw him without socks on when we were at a waterpark for the first time together. He had toenails like velociraptor talons. Like Guinness World Record-level toenails. I was so turned off that I couldn't have sex with him anymore. We broke up a few weeks later."

- jojewels92

"Clever girl."

- livefromheaven

Scientific Findings

"My best friend stopped seeing this incredibly hot blonde because after they banged the second or third time, he found out she didn't believe dinosaurs were real."

- VincentVanG

"I was seeing a girl who asked me if dinosaurs and Jesus were supposed to exist at the same time because it had never been explained to her."

- nothisistheotherguy

"Only Fans"

"An Amazon package got delivered right as we were about to get started. I’d ordered two different handheld fans for the summer heat after we argued over which would be better."

"We both wanted to try our respective fan immediately, and we proceeded to spend the next 45 minutes trying to convince the other we had the superior fan (I’ll only admit here that mine was actually not as good)."

- panredpanda

"No sex here. Only fans are allowed."

- Fun-Perception6159

Word Choice

"She called it 'cold slaw,' not 'coleslaw,' and told me I was wrong."

- pbrkindaguy69

"I had an argument about toast."

"She asked me what I usually have for breakfast, and I said, 'Toast.'"

"She said, 'What's that?'"

"I said, 'Umm, what?'"

"She'd never heard the word before. I pointed to her toaster and said, 'The bread after it's been in that.'"

"She goes, 'Oh, you mean cooked bread.'"

- ralphiooo0

"Your Love Life's DOA..."

"The theme song for 'FRIENDS' came on."

- Maxium_Operation_70

"You were stuck in second gear?"

- collis183

Time For Dinner

"It was a long, busy day, and we freshened up and started having sex. We were doing it, and the girl said how much longer I had before I came. I laughed and said, 'I don't know. I’m really hungry right now, so I don't know if I’m going to be able to fast.'"

"She busted out laughing and said, 'That’s why I asked; I'm starving.'"

"We kept at it for another 30 seconds, and I asked if we could go get some food first. She agreed, we stopped, and we went and laughed at the whole scenario all throughout dinner."

- SpeedRevolutionary29

Lasting Effects

"I was seeing this girl who shed like crazy. I kept finding stray hairs in my bed. Her hair is very long and almost black. It drove me to madness, and I had to keep washing my sheets to get rid of it. I have a thing about stray hairs and couldn’t keep seeing her."

- ang3l_kn1ves

That Darn Owl

"It was almost midnight, and I hadn’t done my Duolingo, so I shouted, 'MY DUOLINGO!' and paused and grabbed my phone."

- Thats_kinda_cursed

"Tip for next time, if you turn off your internet before midnight and keep it off till the next day, it won't delete your streak. In the first versions of the app, this wasn't the case, but I believe they got a lot of slack for the app deleting your streak when you can't keep it up (pun not intended) because you don't have an internet connection."

"So now it gets deleted if you get past midnight and have an internet connection, or at least that's what's been working for me. I went a whole week without touching the app (vacation), and turning my wi-fi off before sleeping, and my streak didn't disappear."

- Transilvaniaismyhome

Easily Distracted

"I was with a partner and we're both very ADD. While we were in the middle of sex, she went from seemingly enjoying herself to laughing really hard. I stopped and asked what was up, and she said a funny joke had popped in her head and she told me it (I can't remember the joke), and we both started cracking up."

"We ended up getting distracted for a while just talking and laughing, then we cuddled for a while and eventually remembered that we were having sex. I miss the goofy sexual chemistry we had."

- StinkyKyle

...Elle Woods? ...or Glinda?

"Back when I was 20, I was dating this 22-year-old for about six months. We'd been really sexually active for about four months, but always at my place. I'd been to her apartment twice but had never actually seen her bedroom before."

"We finally ended up back at her place, and for the first time, I was staying over. Things got hot and heavy in her living room, and we went to her bedroom, but the lights were of,f so I really didn't notice much."

"The next morning, I wake up and open my eyes to see pink. Everything was just pink. The walls, the trim, the doors, the ceiling, her furniture, the blankets, pillows, decorations, every-f**king-thing was just pink. I don't know why, but it just killed it for me."

- It_Just_Exploded

"Was she in law school? It's not that hard."

- OriginalIronDan

"Better yet, did she ride around in a large bubble and coach you to be popular?"

- TheBookishAndTheBard

Shared Responsibilities

"The linen closet in my bathroom was extremely shallow, and if towels weren't folded a certain way, the door wouldn't close."

"No matter how many times I would tell him and show him how to fold the towels, he never once did it right."

"It got to the point that seeing that door sitting open would make me wish harm on him. I had to let him go even though the sex was amazing."

- Katt357

Some of these were silly and funny, while others were "silly" in the sense that they seem like small issues, but they're actually issues that grow into real problems over time. Whether they were funny or frustrating, there was little surprise here as to why these Redditors would want to step back out of the bedroom.