We learned all about quiet-quitting and quiet-firing in 2020 when we discerned the signs of someone disconnecting from their job or a boss encouraging one of their employees to leave the workplace.
But there's such a thing as quiet-quitting relationships, too, and there are some pretty obvious signs that someone might be thinking about exiting stage left.
Redditor Particular_Long5183 asked:
"What's a sign someone is quietly planning to leave their relationship or marriage?"
Not Worth Fighting For
"When I was realising my relationship was on the way out, I stopped engaging in disagreements. Had no energy for it at all because the fight was gone."
- 40fnolongercares
"Disengage, not caring to fight or defend yourself, stop bringing up my issues. I basically became what my ex wanted me to be when I decided I had to break up with her. A passive person who will just go along with absolutely anything she wants."
"She was shocked I ended things. Wild to me, cause if she listened, she would've known how unhappy I was. But she 'wasn't my therapist,' and any issue I had was 'a me issue.'"
"I don't trust anyone who says, 'The breakup came out of nowhere' anymore. I can't help but think they were the s**tty person all along. Fortunately, in my dating during the past two years, I have found most people are good and not like her."
- Disastrous_Rip_8332
Going Quiet
"Partner has complained about the same thing 40 times, but it’s still happening, and it hasn’t been mentioned in a while."
"It’s unlikely they decided it’s not a big deal all of a sudden. They are over it."
- One_Trick_Pony3846
"It's always when we go quiet."
- jdlech
The Reorganization Grind
"Walkaway Wife Syndrome."
"I did it. Had most of the packing done two days before I left, for me and my two boys. Told him I was 'reorganizing closets.' He had no clue, never saw it coming."
- Jillredhanded
"Same. He was so clueless. He asked where all my clothes were, and I told him I was just moving them to the basement so I could clean out the closet. He literally had no idea. I left on my birthday while he was at work. Best present I’ve ever given myself."
- Shupedeqhupe
Less And Less
"I stopped doing all the things I used to do for him. For a decade, I used to stay up late and wait to start dinner until he was on his way home from work, so it would be hot and fresh just after he got in, and I'd make all of his favorite things."
"I'd make two dishes every night just so I could pack one for his lunch the next day. I used to give him a massage and scratch his back every night before bed. I did so many little things to make his day easier and better, just because I loved him so much."
"Then I found out he was cheating on me, and I was disgusted by him, so everything stopped. I emotionally checked out. That went on for a year, and then one day, he came home to an empty house."
- Emilyann234
Chipping Away
"I can't comment about marriage. But if a person starts interacting less, responding late, not sharing things that they would otherwise do, finding faults in everything, there is a strong possibility that the person has lost interest. You may not be able to do much."
- unknown_guy02
Increasingly Uninterested
"Being closed off and disconnected. Uninterested in the things you have to say."
- Competitive-Golf8148
"They lose interest in fixing problems and start saying things like ‘it’s fine’ or ‘whatever.'"
- Commercial-Mouse-865
No Future Plans Needed
"I avoided making future plans."
"Like, if my ex, who I was on the fence about, would ask about vacations a couple of months out, I would say I might not be able to get time off work, but you should go without me. Don’t not do it because I won’t be able to go."
- Weak_Pineapple8513
Not That Funny
"The anecdotes that they used to find interesting become annoyances."
"The personality quirks they used to find charming become problems."
"The jokes that they used to find hilarious now invoke eye rolls."
"I was starting to think it was just a me thing until I was with a group of friends who still found my jokes funny, while my soon-to-be ex grumbled about it not being that funny."
- Dovaldo83
That's That
"Mine was a quick, the straw that broke the camel's back, type moment. I just stood up, looked at him, said, 'Your s**t will be outside by the time you get home,' left the restaurant, and went home."
"It was my birthday dinner that he had kept his entire check for, saying he wanted to make it special."
"He waited until we were at the restaurant to tell me that he had spent his whole check on a night out with the guys and that I would have to pay for dinner and drinks. SNAP! It was the last time he was going to disappoint me as my husband."
- oldindigowolf66
Owning The Chores
"A lot of what others have said, but also…. Doing chores on your own. I’m not gonna ask you to help with dishes, take out the trash, or clean. Not only is it a good way to fill time, but you’re practicing living on your own again."
- foreverachemnerd
"That’s where I’m at right now. I just do everything around the house because she’s too tired, too busy, working, or needing sleep. It’s not worth fighting her or the kids about the chores anymore; I’m indifferent. I’ll just do it myself and keep quiet to myself."
- OstrichTurbulent3120
No Time For Selfies
"Avoiding pictures together."
- nowhereman136
"When my partner and I went to the christening of one of my close friends for his baby, and I was being sworn in as a godparent, I knew something was off when she was in none of the pictures."
"After we got home that weekend, I asked her if she wanted to go out for dessert, to which she said, 'I think we should break up.' Not gonna lie, that's not the answer I was expecting (we broke up a month later, still didn't get that dessert...)."
- TheAbominableSbm
No Time Together Needed
"I didn’t want to be around him."
"Seeing his name on my phone made me groan. Having to spend time with him seemed like a chore. I looked forward to going to work so I could have some time without him. And in turn, I did not talk about my relationship with my friends, family, etc either way. I didn’t mention when I was happy or when I was upset with him, because I didn’t care."
"Resentment is a b***h."
- dawn_of_abby
No More Daily Check-Ins
"One subtle sign is emotional withdrawal. They stop sharing the little details of their day, stop confiding in you, and conversations feel more like logistics than connection. It’s like they’ve already started living in their own separate world before physically leaving."
- SnTnL95
"That’s where I’m at. I just don’t tell her what the kids and I are doing or did. If she asks how it went today, I say fine. I have no desire to say more or share or explain to you."
- OstrichTurbulent3120
Full Disconnect
"When communication lessens or stops altogether. And that goes for both communication about the relationship issues or communication in general."
"I stopped going to my husband with my medical issues, my feelings about things that had nothing to do with him, my hopes and dreams. It always resulted in a negative outcome due to his behavior."
"He doesn’t listen to anything I say, he regularly falls asleep, and he is incapable of having an adult conversation without interrupting, arguing, or completely missing the point (because he’s listening to look for somewhere to interrupt, not to understand or care.)"
"So, disconnection in general."
- gobbledegook
The Parallels Speak Loudly
"People's top responses seem awfully similar to when you're about to leave a job you used to complain a lot about."
- Mi55ingN0
"I quit my job, it felt like an abusive relationship. It 100% was but d**n thinking about it like a relationship instead of a transaction really put it into perspective."
"I am paid to do X, so I do X. But it slowly transformed into 'WHY AREN'T YOU DOING MORE? WHY ISN'T THIS BETTER!'"
"A few friends of mine have been abused, and I just had an 'oh f**k' moment one day."
- panickingman55
"I'm kinda going through the reverse of that right now."
"I started my current job expecting it to suck and be something I only do for a few months or a year until I get my feet under me. Turns out I actually like it and the organization it's in, so I wanna stick around... but that also means that all the small problems I was just kinda ignoring before, I'm now becoming annoying about and trying to fix."
- Nyxelestia
Whether it's work or romantic relationships, it's clear that when a person thinks it's time to go, they start emotionally checking out and mentally disconnecting from the space. The little things that were once charming and adorable seem to be the first to go, and by the time someone leaves, they may not really know their partner anymore.
@jimmyfallon/Instagram