I think we all heard that one growing up…

​“My brother has a friend that will argue with you that Jesus said in the Bible ‘Do as I say, not as I do’.” heyitsmeur_username

“'God Helps Those Who Help Themselves', it’s not in the Bible.” GraceGreenveiw

“God helps those who help themselves, that actually comes from the Greek myths, Aesop’s fable ‘Hercules and the Waggoner.’ where a guy was having trouble with a muddy road and was praying Hercules for help, Hercules appeared and told him how to help himself, the moral being thee gods help those who help themselves.” aume3

Now that’s one hell of a way to put it…

“That Satan is in any way in charge of torture in hell.” derizen

“My understanding is that hell is basically the furthest place from god you can be, and that in and of itself is the most pain an angel can experience.All the fire and brimstone shit is just stuff churches made up later.”

“So far the replies to this have compared this interpretation of hell to Texas, Ohio, and New Jersey. You all OK over there, America?”

“OK at this point you’ve named about half the continental United States, please stop telling me America is not OK, I get it.” kermi42

Who Mary Magdalene was…

“That Mary Magdalene was a prostitue. A pope conflated her with Mary of Bethany and an unnamed "sinful woman," because he didn't like the fact that a woman was important to Jesus and wanted to discredit her.” israfilled

“It’s understandable that it could be mixed up if one is not careful. In Matthew, Mark and John, it’s Mary doing it just before Jesus dies."

"But in Luke it’s a woman who is a 'known sinner'. Both events are very similar."

"A woman opens an alabaster case of perfumed oil, anoints Jesus, people grumble, and it’s both in the house of someone named Simon.”

“But the Luke event is probably much earlier. Simon was a very common name though."

"And in the next chapter Mary Magdalene is with Jesus' posse. But there’s nowhere she is described as a prostitute. She was cured from demons though.” VadeRetroLupa

Shakespeare at it again…

“‘Neither a borrower nor a lender be.’ I have had a minister 'quote' that to me as a Bible quote…It's from Hamlet.”

“Lots of comments about the bible having stuff like this. Yes I know but a quote is a quote and from a christian professional you would at least expect an accurate quote from the bible but this is as wrong as quoting Hamlet and saying ‘Alas Poor Yorik, I knew him well.’” Magnus_40

​Ah Tolkien 29:17 you say? 

​“‘Not all who wander are lost.’-Tolkien 29:17” Kill3rT0fu

We’re looking at you Olsteen…

​“That money is the root of all evil. The correct quote is actually the *love* of money.” Pixxal_Wizzard

Not quite…

​“The seven deadly sins.” RodMunch85

Pretty sure God doesn’t care about your private jet…

“That GOD wants you to buy that second commercial airliner.” ​Killawife

“The whole "Prosperity Theology" thing where wealth is encouraged, especially at the expense of tithing congregants. There's very little in the way of biblical support for this idea, and in fact several places in the bible say quite the opposite.”

“It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.”

“That quote is repeated a few times in the gospels, more or less, and similar sentiments are made elsewhere also.” wknight8111

Biblical angels were NOT all cute cherubs…

​“That people become Angels when they die. Nope.” COAZRanger

“Darn, I was hoping to become a being of unimaginable horror with thousands of eyes and wreathed in wheels within wheels of eternal flame.” _____FRANCIS_____

Want to "know" more?

Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.