Relationships that end in heartbreak should not be taken as a loss. It's a gain, with the right perspective. You will have learned a little more about what you can accept in a relationship and what you will never tolerate. This knowledge can be taken forward into your next coupling, where you hopefully are now wise enough to draw lines in the sand. Well...hopefully.
Reddit user, u/basicAVERAGEgorl, wanted to hear where you draw the line when they asked:
Excluding cheating and lying, what's your biggest deal breaker in a relationship?
You Should Be Able To Apologize
GiphyNot being able to say sorry/resolve problems level headedly.
If I can't bring you an issue without getting yelled at or you making yourself the victim, forget it
Please. Use Deodorant.
Really bad hygiene
Yep! If I have to suggest that you go shower, I feel like a parent more than a significant other. And I'm not talking the occasional situation where you're really tired, put it off until the next morning or such, I mean consistently going 3 days without one.
I Mess Up, Too
Denying my faults and insisting I'm perfect. Might sound weird, but it puts on a crazy amount of pressure on you.
Sometimes, It's You
Failing to see that you have a hand in your own misery.
When everything bad is always "happening to you" it's likely that it's (at least to some small respect) your fault.
Care About Me Or Not At All
Indifference.
If I love you, I'm going to try to make an effort to show you. Forever. If it's not working, I'm going to try to understand why it's not working, and figure out if there's something I can do differently.
If you're not willing to meet me half way on that? Deal-breaker. (In my experience this is quite common)
Also - I have found that this kind of apathy tends to infect the rest of that person's life. Like - they don't live life with any real passion.
Not Everyone Is After Me
Really bad jealousy towards the opposite sex.
I've seen it happen, guy gets a SO, she kept giving him sh-t for being around women, he stopped going anywhere because he got tired of getting constantly checked up on and didn't have the guts to have a real discussion about it. Finally they break up. It wasn't healthy for him, or for her.
I also I knew a guy from my hometown that "isn't allowed" to hang out alone with a woman. Now that I think about it, it's probably because he cheated.
It's Merely A Physical Expression
Using sex as a weapon...
This.
Sex isn't a currency in a healthy relationship -- it's an expression of love, and simply a fun activity.
If somebody's withholding sex to get their way on some issue, or if sex is being given as a "reward" for something, then it devalues sex and turns it into a trade commodity. =/
Enjoy The Moment With Me
GiphyAn unwillingness to make an effort to enjoy my interests with me.
If you tell me your favorite album, I will listen to it. Your favorite movie, I will watch it. If you wanna go dancing, I'll go with. I just expect some effort back.
We Aren't Connected At The Hip
Being judgemental with how I spend my free time + expecting me to spend 100% of my free time on you
Leave That Stuff In School
"Tests."
Mature adults do not run tests on their partner's loyalty, responsibility, kindness, spirituality, whatever the hell. That sh-t is for children playing house.
What's the biggest dealbreak you have when you start dating? Share it with us!
