No one wants to go to the E.R. - but most of us do at some point. I made more trips than I can count due to my colitis and subsequent surgeries. But others go for all types of reasons, like accidentally stabbing yourself while carving a pumpkin. Or being hit by a red-light-runner. Or dealing with the challenges of pregnancy.
vortish asked: What put you in the E.R.?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
15. At least you were wearing a helmet...
Motorcycle accident. My stupid ass didn't wear any protective gear except for a helmet. Scraped my kness and severely bruised an ankle. Never rode without gear after that.
And also a fracture in the very same foot like 7 years prior.
Motorcycles = not a question of IF you'll fall, it's a question of WHEN you'll fall.
Partly true. You can drive cautiously and not crash on your own, but when it comes to other people on the road; you'll most likely have close calls/crash sometime!
14. Guys - respect the term.
I fainted while pooping, while naked, while pregnant, while my toddler was in the bathtub. Not my most glamorous moment.
Ah, pregnancy. We're supposed to be beautifully glowing and serene, and... HAHAHANO.
When I was 37 weeks with my youngest, if it makes you feel any better, I laid down to go to bed one night and freaked out when my water broke all over everything. I called my doc, we got in the car, and headed to the hospital...
...Where they told me I'd actually peed. I wanted to bury myself somewhere.
13. Someoneclumsy is afoot.
Before Adulthood:
Stepped on a piece of glass. They had to remove it and got stitches on the bottom of my foot.
Was running a 105 fever one night.
I was running through a wooded area and tripped over an axe, which got stuck in my shin bone. Got stitches.
Fell off my grandmother's exercise bike and ripped my inner thigh on the screw that was sticking out of the base. Several stitches and I have a nasty scar there.
Drowning accident. Arrived by ambulance. I got shipped out to a children's hospital and stayed there for a week.
Adulthood:
Split my thumb bone down the middle to the first joint while playing softball.
Someone spiked my drink at work with something I was allergic to as a retaliation joke.
Got kidney stones. I do not wish that pain on ANYONE. The only relief I could get was laying out on the cold emergency room floor tile and not moving.
Coworker dropped an economy sized can of Hershey's chocolate syrup on my foot. It got knocked off a 12ft shelf. I got a lovely boot and a few black toes over that one.
And, most recently, I fell in an unmarked puddle in a grocery store and broke my foot.
Hindsight: My poor feet lol.
12. Roll with the first excuse.
It was before I got into medical school, I was volunteering in the ER. I walked in one night, and a tech was scrubbing a guy with road rash down his arm, his body, and his leg. It looked really painful, and I asked the patient what happened.
"I was on my Harley, and I was being chased by the cops. I went around a corner, hit some gravel, and laid my bike down."
I noticed the man's wife in the corner of the room roll her eyes.
"How does that story sound?" He asked.
"Sounds great," I said. "What really happened?"
"I was on my scooter going downhill and I fell off."
"Stick with the first story."
11. You should see an ulcerated colon *raises hand*
Appendicitis. I thought I had the flu and nursed it for over 24 hours. Not painful but most uncomfortable experience. My doctor showed me photos of what she saw and cut out so I guess that was cool/gross.
Been there too. The pain is insane.
For those who haven't had it, it starts off like a stitch in your side or a stomach cramp, and it just doesn't go away and gets steadily and steadily worse over hours until you're buckle over in the fetal position just holding yourself because you feel like you might pass out from pain. And standing straight up is one of the most painful things you can do so your body wants to do everything in its power to stay very still.
10. Never forget Scout training.
Cutting a pumpkin for Halloween. Turned to answer my daughter's question and stabbed myself in the chest.
"Honeeeeey? I think I need to go to the Emergency Room!"
"What ? Oh my god you're bleeding everywhere. Here's a towel, just hold it tight there, I'll get the car keys. Kids ! In the car, Daddy had another accident!"
A short wait and a few stitches later, we went out for Ice cream. Mr. Jack O'Lantern had some real blood on him that year.
How do you even stab yourself in the chest?
Violating one of the Cub Scout rules of using a knife... never cut towards yourself. And pay attention when using a knife. And use a sharp knife... it was dull, I was pushing hard to get through Mr. Pumpkin. turned to talk to my daughter and the knife made it through the pumpkin and carved me instead.
Bounced off my sternum so it no abdominal cavity penetration. But confessing to the nurses and doctor produced some laughter.
"I'd say the pumpkin won your knife fight!"
9. Survivor.
Bloody nose in 8th grade. I got hit in the face by a volleyball in gym class, bled for 45 minutes until it eventually stopped. and then once I got home and had friends over, one guy hit me in the face with a pillow and my nose started to bleed again. Went to the E.R, was there almost all night for a broken septum and a bloody nose. To this day my nose is still crooked, my plan is to get a nose job when I'm rich (probably won't happen, it's not very noticeable but to me it is)
8. Don't run red lights.
F*ckin' red light runners, man.
It's weird that people give me sh*t for checking both ways when the intersection has lights. Like, motherf*cker you've SEEN people run them yourself!
7. Cipro is a nasty drug.
At 2 years old I drank an entire bottle of children's Tylenol and had to go get my stomach pumped.
When I was 15, I split my chin open after falling while ice skating. I had to get 3 stitches in my chin and go to school with a giant bandaid over it.
In college, bronchitis+asthma. I asked the nurse if you could literally cough your lungs up, she said no, and then I had a coughing fit so hard my sight blacked out and I almost passed out.
2 years ago, it was an adverse reaction to ciprofloxacin. I became so weak I couldn't stand and spent 3 months in PT building up enough strength to be able to walk again. My gait is still abnormal, but improving with time.
6. A string of bad luck?
- Work shop accident when I was in high school. 13 stitches.
- Motorcycle accident when I was in the service. Fractured skull, partially amputated left ear, broken collar bone.
- Attacked by crazy girlfriend with an iron. 15 stitches in my head.
- Fell down drunk and split my chin open. 7 stitches.
- Heart attack.
In that order.
Think you should stay in bed for rest of your life but then your bed might collapse.
Iron like a golf club or iron like the thing you use on clothes?
Clothes iron. I turned around after she hit me and she was swinging it in circles over her head like a lasso. She went to jail.
5. Nope, thanks.
A softball-sized cyst twisted around one of my ovaries, decided that it was done lurking, and spontaneously ruptured.
I had a golf ball sized cyst rupture as well. Worst pain I've ever felt
4. Unnecessary edit but okay.
Quarter in my throat...
Edit: I forgot to say it got stuck and partially blocked my air way.
"Safest place to keep your money!" they say. "Don't trust the banks" they say, safe my ass.
Now I get why the mafia always wants people to "cough up."
Your mistake was not putting them up your ass. You clearly had the wrong hole!
3. Men are stubborn creatures.
Kidney stone that my gp said wasn't a kidney stone, just muscle spasms.
My husband on the other hand:
- Bicycle accident: broken arm, road rash
- Bicycle accident: cracked rib, collapsed lung, separated shoulder
- Bicycle accident: leg broken in three places
Still rides his bicycle almost every morning.
2. Yyyyyyyouch.
400 plus degree hot cooking oil accidentally dumped on my feet.
Skies & stars. Please tell me you were wearing shoes.
Or a hazmat suit. I got a tiny second degree burnt one time and the pain was crazy. 0/10
1. That's it, I'm abstinent now.
Have posted this story before under a most embarassing thread :/
A while back, I was having sex with my FWB, and I started to get annoyed that he would just lightly flick the nipple with his tongue and move on. This time I told him, "MORE PRESSURE" and he bites on it nice and firmly but with not too much of a strong sensation.
Cue that weekend and I show up to the Emergency Room of the hospital all clammy and feverish. I noticed the bite on my nipple widen like a fissure and ooze a gross pus. The first triage nurse looks a bit concerned, and I explain that my nipple was bitten and I got a fever from it. "How long have you been breastfeeding?" "I don't breastfeed". Nurse raises eyebrows and moves me on the the ambulatory waiting room.
The next nurse there calls me up, and I say, I've got a bite on my nipple and she's like, "Is it from from a baby" And I'm like, nope, it's from an adult. She looks up from her note pad and her eyes widened up, "OH! Oohhhhh. Ahh. wow." and she tries not to crack up as she finishes her assessment.
Now I have to wait for a physician to see me, and all of them seem to be older women, so I feel a bit relaxed. NOPE. This young male doctor calls my name up and takes me into the room. I tell him that I got bit on the nipple and he asks, "what kind of insect do you think it was?" and I say, it was from an adult, human male. He covers his mouth with his hand and says, "ah, well it's good you told me that, because human bites can be quite infectious" and proceeds to get the rest of my symptoms quite calmly.
So he has to inspect and feel my breast area, but he says he will ask a female nurse to be in the room at the same time as a chaperone (for legal reasons I guess). It turns out it was nurse who saw me previously and I avoid eye contact. The doc starts examining and pressing around the wound, and asks how it feels, and I say painful, and then he moved his hand to the other side of the nipple (which had no wound), and he's like, is it painful now? and I say "Nope, it feels pretty nice". Silence. Fair to say I'm writing this from the grave.
TLDR: After becoming the talk of the hospital cafeteria, I proceed to creep on medical professionals with my nearly-headless-nip.
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