Love is a strange, strange beast.
We will NEVER fully understand it.
Who wants to anyway?
Am I right?
Understanding it takes away the mystery and intrigue.
But love often fades.
And we seem to always be shocked when it does.
We're missing so many signs.
Are we blind or desperate?
Maybe if we tried to understand more and not fall in love with... the mystery, we'd all last longer.
Redditor Ashamed_Teach502 wanted to know what wrongs we've all made in the journey of love, so they asked:
"What’s a mistake most people don’t realize they’re making in relationships?"
Less is Less
"Getting complacent and slowly putting less and less effort into the relationship."
- Traditional-West-219
"Slow and insidious killer, this one."
- whiteflagwaiver
come on love GIF by unimpressionism Giphy
Speak Up
"Not expressing negative emotions or telling your partner they have upset you. This leads to built-up resentment and sometimes contempt."
- Imaginary-Command542
"Seeing a girl, and she was very upfront about what I did that frustrated her from the get-go go and I started following along. It makes everything work better because we learn about what bothers us and are very open about our emotions."
- RedditSucksMuch"I wish I could do this; instead, thanks to my childhood, I interpret the others' emotions as directed at me and become very afraid and retreat into silence. I don't share how I feel because I don't want to upset them or be upset at them. Over time, this has led to a lot of contempt and dissatisfaction that I now have to live with daily, and I don't know how to escape. Breaking up feels extreme, so I choose to live in turmoil every day and try to work on myself. But it's hard."
- Turramurra
Feelings...
"You're actually supposed to like your partner."
- StructuralFailure
"This is one of the things that has been the most shocking to me in my adult life. I've come across so many people who truly dislike their partners. How can you share your life with someone you actively dislike? Honestly, I'd rather be alone! I will never understand it."
"A shocking number of men don't actually like their girlfriends. They just date the most attractive woman they can get, and then tolerate her."
- cuddletimes
Fallacy...
"Staying in the relationship just because you’ve invested so much time (sunk cost fallacy). You’re either going to be unhappy forever, or eventually realize you should have left a long time ago."
- jawshankredemption94
"This is my brother-in-law. He married his sunk cost fallacy. Now they don’t realize how toxic they both are."
- The-Electric-Apple
"Speaking from experience. It sucks for both parties, but it’s better than staying together just because you’ve been together x amount of years."
- edgarpalba
Basics
"People are not realizing that the smallest things make a difference. Putting clothes in the hamper. Making them a cup of coffee. Helping without being asked. Etc..."
- Valuable-Weakness909
"Exactly. It’s wild how much those tiny things add up. The feeling of being cared for without having to ask. I think many people underestimate how much that matters."
- rodenthammer
"I think this is hugely underestimated. I am much more of the make sacrifices to do something big type. My wife appreciates it, but finds not so much more than just daily thoughtfulness."
- we2deep
Let it Go
"Not calling quits when you clearly aren't compatible, but trying to make it work and just prolonging the inevitable."
- Capizara
let it go GIF Giphy
THEY!
"Not being able to accept they’re in the wrong."
"Explaining to your partner that something they’re doing is hurting you, and they disagree because they can’t possibly believe that THEY are the ones hurting you."
"Some people refuse to accept that what doesn’t hurt them may hurt someone else, and they’re usually too prideful to apologize for their wrongdoings simply because THEY wouldn’t have been hurt by the action they committed."
- notasingle-thought
The Last Word
"Viewing your partner as an enemy during arguments. It shouldn't be me vs you; it should be us vs the problem. A lot of people would rather feel like they got the last word in or were 'right' about something than make sure their partner feels safe, loved, and respected."
- 40_degree_rain
"Whenever I get stressed, I can get a bit snappy. My husband has this really great way of saying 'hold on, we’re on the same team, ' which reminds me that it’s us vs the issue, not us vs each other. He truly is my better half in every way
- VanessaCardui93
Be Honest
"Not communicating and expecting your partner to be a mind reader."
- texasfan512
"I was taking a lunch break at work in the break room and I overheard some kids that were like 17-19 talking about their relationships and despite being two girls and two guys, they all agreed essentially that there was no need for communication on their feelings and that if it's the right person, they'll just *know* somehow."
"I didn't say anything because like, I don't know those kids, and the last thing they need is some buff bald guy to butt in on their conversation, but the only thing I could think was just, good lord, you guys are dooming yourself."
- GoddessUltimecia
Perfection
"Putting your partner on too high a pedestal, instead of an equal, once they look down on you, they will always look down."
Don't put them on a pedestal, and refuse to get on one too."
- A-Druid-Life
"I think this is the problem with big age-gap relationships or relationships where one has a prestigious career/education and the other does not. The other would eventually feel... why am I always the wrong one? It's not their fault; it is just the resulting nature. One is way more mature or wiser on things, so naturally, the scale tip of the relationship fell on one side."
- ihaten_blank_er
Misery
"Bending over backwards for someone who doesn't put any effort into the relationship. Always ends in misery.
- Theemberveil
Kiss, Kiss...
"Not touching each other, holding hands, good morning/nite kiss. giving a hug. It's something small, but according to people smarter than me, it matters."
- TRtheCat
"My ex-wife would withhold intimacy as a manipulation tactic. It started with just sex, but eventually evolved into refusing good morning kisses and such. It becomes incredibly difficult to keep pursuing someone and putting in the effort to keep things working when you feel constantly rejected."
- ArchmaesterOfPullups
Distracting
"Acting inconvenienced when your partner is trying to connect. My most recent ex would be on TikTok all day, and anytime I opened my mouth, they would sigh and act annoyed as though I was 'distracting' them. It got to the point where I just stopped trying to talk to them. Death of a relationship, right there."
- TechnicallyVeryMoist
ASAP
"Thinking your issues and trauma are more important than theirs. It can lead to a lot of toxicity and resentment. I've been there many times. Relationships should be built on mutual understanding, and if your partner undermines you, that's a hell of a red flag, and you need to get out of there ASAP."
- Responsible_Bass_813
"And also, I'd like to argue, the exact opposite. Always putting yourself last might be done with good intentions, but it leads to the same imbalance with either (eventually) the same outcome if you wake up and start to realize what's been going on, or a continued unhappy relationship, or at least one unhappy person in the relationship."
"Additionally, sort of in line with what is said above, if your partner makes you feel like you should be putting yourself last, or starts to act along with it instead of 'calling you out on it' and affirming for you that you are equally important, then that's an equally (huge) red flag in the partner."
- Jodeleigh
HAPPY
"Not sending 'you make me happy' as a message. Goes for sex, everyday life, events, and frankly anything."
"It's not just about building confidence in the partner, but also about reinforcing all the good things in both minds."
"If it is the baseline behind every single conversation, offer, or ask, everything is easier. If it is said out loud often enough and from both sides, it becomes the baseline."
- bbu3
Lady And The Tramp Love GIF Giphy
Mhmmmm...
Love is a mess, honey.
Relationships are not for everybody.
That is just a cold, hard fact.
Fact #1... when intimacy dries up... don't ignore it!
Good luck, y'all!
What other mistakes have everyone else experienced?
@GregAbbott_TX/X
