Will you marry me?

I've been waiting decades to hear that.

Hasn't happened yet. I try to stay hopeful.

Some people never want to hear it.

Or they don't want to hear it from a specific person.

Not everyone wants to be married.

Partners should be aware of that going in.

One of the worst moments of a person's life is a tragic marriage proposal.

But sometimes, it's the only answer to give.

Redditor whateverworks14235 wanted everyone to share about the times they had to say "NO" to a lover, so they asked:

"People who have turned down marriage proposals, what made you say no?"

Sometimes, all you can do is break a heart.

TROPHY PARTNER

"We were in college and he wanted a wife for show not for real commitment—we’d only been dating a couple of months. He asked someone else 4 MONTHS later."

- ChrisShapedObject

"Some people marry like they’re just looking to tick another box on their 'to do' list for life."

- illustriousocelot_

SHE WAS A GENIUS!!

"He was 11 and I was 23... for context, I was his babysitter."

- idkwiao

"I did this to my babysitter around the same age and she weaponized it. She said I had to prove I'd be a good husband so she constantly had me doing chores. Picking up dog poop in the backyard, cleaning my room, and emptying the dishwasher... you name it. I did it all enthusiastically. Years later my dad told me the story and said 'She was a genius! We offered her double her rate to keep the charade going a couple more years!'"

- WeirdSoupGuy

S**t, what was I thinking?!

"It was about 5 am and we were both deliriously tired. He had just come back from a long work trip where we had limited communication (he was out of the country and in the middle of nowhere, so no reliable cell or internet service). We’d been up for hours talking and he spontaneously popped the question. I wasn't sure if he had thought it all through because there was no ring and we were both so tired."

"I didn't want him to regret it later and say, 'S**t, what was I thinking?' I really did want to say yes, but I wanted to say yes when I knew for sure that he'd fully digested the magnitude of it all and not just decided on a whim that 5 am was the perfect time to propose. I explained to him that I loved him very much, and while the spur-of-the-moment thing was incredibly sweet and romantic, we were both too tired to make such an important decision."

"He asked again a couple of months later in the middle of the afternoon and I said 'yes' that time. We just had our 15th anniversary."

- nimaku

TOXIC

"I had broken up with my long-term boyfriend for multiple reasons, it had been toxic for years and we had been living together for 8 years. I had enough and told him we were done and I would be looking for another apartment for myself since he refused to leave the apartment we had been living in my name and which I had been paying rent and everything for."

"I found a new appt but I had to wait for a month before I could move there so I was stuck living with him since he refused to leave to his parents."

"When he heard the news I found an appt and was moving I think he only then realized I was being serious."

"One day after that he gave me a tiny cardboard box and quietly told me to open it when he had gone out for a jog."

"I opened it. It had a necklace and a piece of paper with a cringy love poem made by him declaring his love and asking me for marriage and accepting the necklace until he gets a job and money to buy a proper ring. (He had no degrees and no job I had to pay for nearly everything in our relationship. I am also 100% sure his mom bought the necklace too)."

"I told him to return the necklace."

- caffeinefoxx

FAMILY TIES

"Well, there was that one time when my 4-year-old daughter asked to marry me. I had to let her down easy. I explained that we were already family! And you ask to marry someone who you really want to join your family."

"She took it well. She's 18 now and hates when I bring up this story 😄."

- asciibits

"Ha! My son asked me to marry him when he was three. I let him know that I couldn't because I was already his mom. So he insisted on calling my mother and asking her. She told him 'Well I would but I'm pretty sure that's illegal in Maryland.' (Where she lived). He had a full meltdown about how the stupid law was keeping him from ever finding a wife. He is now 15 and also hates when I bring it up 🤣."

- Empkat

EXCELLENT TRADE

"He wanted me to get rid of my kitten because he was jealous of her and was very concerned about the amount of attention I gave her… It’s been 16 years and I still have the cat. Excellent trade ."

- jesslangridge

COLORADO

"Told me that putting a cheating clause in the prenup would 'make the entire document less valid' in the state of Colorado. Another lie in a string of many, and it is easy to disprove with Google. The entire document was written for him and he refused to add just one protection for me lol. It's incredibly embarrassing to think I almost married someone who could lie to me so easily and genuinely did not care for me."

- She_Plays

THE LUMP

"He proposed by telling me he felt a lump on his penis when he pulled back the covers to show me he had a ring there. I didn't actually decline it at the time, it was an abusive relationship so I went along with it for a while but would remove the ring whenever he wasn't there. I knew the moment he asked that I would never marry him."

"Also, he'd cheated on me with his ex and a man by this point, they're the ones I know of. He'd later cheat on me and marry an older woman, this gave me the out I so desperately needed."

NO LOVE

"One night at a bar for someone’s birthday my long-term friend suddenly started talking about how his mum would love me and his sisters would love me and how he always wanted his kids to be bilingual and how he knew I’d make good money and he could stay home."

"He’d worked out this whole plan in his head but we’d never even kissed. I’d actually had a crush on him a LONG time but I was over it by then."

"I just told him ‘But we’re not in love’. It was so strange."

- robottestsaretoohard

ROUGH HOLIDAY

"My boyfriend of 4 years and I went on a holiday together. I was still very in love with him at that moment and I thought he had the same feelings. The 3rd night I had a bad fever and told him he could go out if he wanted because I was going to bed at like 8 pm. So he went to the hotel bar I think."

"I woke up at 4:00ish all sweaty and took a shower and he was still not back from drinking, so I went to the hotel bar (this was a big hotel so it was still open and pretty crowded) and saw my boyfriend being a little too comfortable with some college-age girl."

"I asked a waitress if she had seen him do anything, and she told me they had been making out dozens of times. I was too shocked/hurt at that moment for the confrontation so promised myself to break up with him as soon as we got home. 2 days later, while we were at another hotel, he asked me to marry him. The answer and the reason were pretty obvious."

- ShandiHocking47

I GUESS

"When my friend proposed to his girlfriend she said..."

"Ugh, ok. I don't want to be one of those girls that says no."

"They lasted a couple of months."

- discostud1515

3 CHILDREN ALREADY

"He was a wonderful person, but he wanted to start a family right away and I wasn’t ready, and knew I wouldn’t be any time soon. It broke his heart, but it was the right decision."

"The guy from my past eventually got married to a young lady who had 3 children already, and they had one more together. He seems like the happiest dad in the world and I’m glad I said 'No.'"

"I am happily married myself. I am still not ready to have kids yet and neither is he. When the right time comes, we will be ready and welcoming. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too."

- Conquistador-Hanor

AFTER A YEAR

"My ex showed up out of nowhere after we'd been broken up for a year. Took me to lunch at a pizza place I wanted to go to. Then pulled out a ring and asked me to marry him. Felt like he had bought the ring for someone else and decided since she didn't want it maybe I would."

"This was the second proposal, the first was from a pregnancy scare, I said no then too. When I told him I was going to get checked for pregnancy he said 'Well I guess we can get married.' I said I'm not marrying anyone just cause I'm pregnant. I wasn't pregnant just started having irregular periods."

- peoriagrace

BABY TRAP

"He wanted children (sooner rather than later), and I did not (ever). He also wanted me to give up my hard-earned career to be a stay-at-home mom to said children. I had always been very honest about the future I envisioned; he had not."

- Glindanorth

"Mine tried to baby trap me (knowing I only wanted children after marriage and hoping I would cave if I was already pregnant) after multiple attempts at proposing to me from ages 19-23… I was very close to saying yes at one point. I’ll be 30 this year and so happy I didn’t say yes."

- Syd_Syd34

TOLD YOU SO

"I didn't want to get married and made it perfectly clear. He proposed in a restaurant anyway and got his feelings hurt."

- Distinct_Magician713

WHO ARE YOU?

"I realized he just really didn't have a strong enough sense of self... personality? Not sure of the exact word, but we'd never have been equals - He'd have consistently deferred to me. I didn't want the pressure of being the unilateral decision-maker for the rest of my life. Plus, you know, not all of my ideas are good ones. There should definitely be someone around to tell me when there's no water in the pool before I dive."

- IDMike2008

Rule #1... don't try to change someone.

Rule #2... believe people at their word.

If someone says "I don't wanna get married," don't ask them.

And if you really want to marry and they don't, some relationship evaluation is necessary.