Everybody needs a good resume. It's your foot in the door.
So make sure your shoes don't smell!
Putting together a competent resume is a must. And is also very doable.
For some reason, too many people haven't caught on to any of that fact. It is shocking what sort of madness people will put on paper and expect to be hired.
A lot of people seem to think of their resumes as an afterthought. When it's an important first thought.
A bad resume is getting burned and shredded.
Redditor justbrowsinbr0justbrowsinbr0 wanted to hear from employers about resume missteps, so they asked:
"Employers of Reddit, what can someone put on a resume that sends it straight to the shredder?"
WHOOPS!!
"I once received a resume in the mail that had no telephone number, address, or email. He called a few days later to ask why he hadn't received any reply. I asked him to get a copy of his resume so we could review it together. I asked him to tell me the address we might have replied to, then the telephone number, and finally the email."
"After a long pause, he said, 'Aww, f**k!' and hung up."
~ chili555
Look Closer
“'Attention to detail Quick learner Microsoft office QuickBooks Sage50 Payroll Attention to detail.'"
~ Sutaru
"25 years ago, before many people really used many different kinds of business software, I was always a little annoyed when I would see applicants list 'dBase III' or other software with which I was pretty confident they had no experience."
"In interviews, I would always ask, 'I see you're experienced with dBase III. How were you using it?' They would invariably look terrified, and become flustered. No one ever gave an explanation that suggested they even knew what the software did."
"I did it: 1) to see their reaction and..."
'2) to make them reconsider putting things in their resumes with which they had no experience."
~ No-Rutabaga-2234
TMI
"Make sure you attach the right file. I once had somebody attach his court summons for a DUI charge. Instant deny."
~ Jen_the_Green
"That's an easy mistake when you upload a lot of videos and docs to the Gallery app! I always open the file and remember it's position before sending an attachment."
~ Tankgirl556
Bad Update
"Okay, I was a writing tutor at the college level for 10 years. We also helped graduates of the university. I swear I am not making this up."
"A graduate who had worked teaching English in Japan, and at other positions, for a few years after getting his degree came in for help updating his resume. He reported that he'd been looking for work for a while, with no luck."
"The profile section at the head of his resume listed accomplishments including, 'I have climbed Mount Fuji fueled only by Quaaludes and caffeine.'"
"He was crestfallen when I told him that although I was duly impressed by this feat, he really, really needed to remove it."
~ Foodoglove
Wrong Resume
"One resume I got while managing a head shop included how much he could bench and the characters he played in high school theater. He was in his late mid-twenties."
~ ethnj
"Sounds like the resume of a guy who peaked in high school, now smokes a bunch of weed every day, and thought a head shop would be a good career move."
~ robbietreehorn
DEAR GOD WHY?
"Nudes. Like, any picture of yourself is probably going to get the resume thrown out because of potential lawsuits, but hearing that shriek of 'DEAR GOD WHY?' from the hotel manager's desk while they were going through resumes was hilarious."
"Like, bro, your butt was not that nice. Why did you attach it?"
~ squirtlesquads
Write Something
"I received a resume last week that had notes on it 'insert relevant skills here' and 'maybe change font' - 'fill this space with buzz words' this was on his LinkedIn profile as well. If you can’t pay attention to the resume you send out I can’t trust you’ll pay attention to anything else."
~ subtlelikeawreckball
"I got one that has the job and a description of what the job typically entails. For example, it read..."
"'Teacher - a teacher typically writes lesson plans, engages with families and students, maintains classroom environment. Teachers also include a lesson plan and portfolio in their packet.'"
"I responded to the listed email that they needed to look over their resume."
~ HookerInAYellowDress
Misinformation
"Had a dude turn in his application with black marker lines redacting all of his info. The only things left were his name, a phone number, and a note saying 'We can discuss these details during my interview.'"
"He, in fact, did not get an interview."
~ octopornopus
"This reminds me of a lot of dating profiles. Long lists of the attributes they want in a potential partner then just 'I'm an open book! Ask me anything you want to know.' I will not, in fact, ask you anything."
~ eggplantsrin
When in IT
"This guy put a Tinder bio at the head of his resume. All his likes and dislikes, with a headshot of him holding an axe while looking sweaty. I do IT work..."
~ KhaosElement
"The IT department head at the place I'm working at always sends out emails introducing their new hires, including a picture. Usually, it's just a typical cropped family photo, but the last guy had a headshot that looked like it came out of an acting portfolio."
~ thylac1ne
"Reminds me of an interview I did it wasn’t going well but at the end, I asked him if anything else you wanted to tell us. She said well my brother is an MMA fighter."
~ ultravibe
Family Assistance
"His mother handed it to me with him just quietly standing beside her, looking like this wasn’t his idea."
~ tangcameo
"I had someone who didn't get short-listed come in with their sister. Their sister started to tell me what my hiring practices were based on her experience at another company. I argued for like 2 minutes before realizing it was going nowhere, took another copy of the resume so that they'd leave, and shredded that one too. Guy didn't say a word the entire time."
~ Dahvood
Age Appropriate
"I used to work for a bar, a girl came in with an application saying she was 22 but then listed she'd graduated high school that year. I fired off a few questions then slipped in what's your birthday? She was barely 17."
~ karebearjedi
"I managed a golf pro shop when I was 19. They had a bar in a small building next to it. I guess the owner either forgot or didn't know I wasn't 21, and he had me covering bartenders when they were late or missing. All my underage friends drank when I was working."
~ EquivalentLaw4892
See you never...
"I didn't make it past the name line on someone's resume one time. We were hiring a CFO and Googling their name revealed an SEC complaint for a 9-figure fraud. At the time, there wasn't a verdict on the books, but I wasn't gonna wait for one. See you never."
~ withurwife
"In a prior role, I was hiring for a weekend night shift sanitation position and we tended to get really desperate people who applied. I reviewed the applicants with a coworker and she remembered seeing the name in the local paper recently. I googled the name and found the court records that the person had not only embezzled but also when caught tried to burn down the prior employer's office to the ground."
"When my HR team asked why I wasn’t interviewing that person, they told me I had to interview them because it was illegal to base that decision on a pending not final legal case. It really sounds great to allow that person to work with highly concentrated chemicals in a food manufacturing plant."
~ Hellie1028
So when do I start?
"I was hiring for a lab technician job and this guy came highly recommended by someone in purchasing I think it was. So he got a shot at the interview. His resume wasn’t terrible, but there were gaps. He listed his high school graduation date and then his AA degree from the local CC was a good 10 years later. I mean, that’s ok, but there was no work experience listed for that time period either, soooo."
"Then came the interview with my lead technician and me. Walk the guy into a small meeting room and sit down. Before I can even introduce us, he pulls this laminated piece of paper out of his folio slams it down on the table, pushes it across the table, and says, 'So when do I start?'"
"The document was a letter of recommendation from his CC physics teacher. A glowing assessment of the candidate which greatly conflicted with my assessment based on his behavior. He did not get the job."
~ DLS3141
Not a Fit
"I once got a resume with the worst formatting and grammar. It was clear the person was a non-native English speaker. I don't usually do this, but I recreated her resume, reorganized it corrected grammar/spelling mistakes, and sent it back to her. I hope she got a job. She wasn't a good fit based on her resume. Otherwise, I would have given her the benefit of the doubt and at least interviewed her."
~ Itavan
Liar Liar
"Had a guy put on his resume that he invented the dollar, owned Microsoft and Google and Ford, was an astronaut and founded New Zealand."
"This was when I managed an Aldi store and he was applying as an associate. But he was clear to say on his resume that our business model could be vastly improved with his expertise."
"I almost brought him in for an interview just for fun, but I couldn’t really find the time along with the real applicants."
~ Moist-Pickle-2736
How can people show up to job interviews like this?
Or how can they submit this sort of nonsense trying to get a job?
All you have to do is Google "great resumes."
Or phone a friend. It's that simple.
Also, I believe local libraries hold workshops on putting resumes together if you're strapped for cash.
Your resume is your first best foot forward. It's an easy step.
@IrnaEnglish/X
