People Share The Dumbest Reasons Their Ex Has Ever Given Them For Cheating

Or turn the relationship into a "Dateline NBC" episode.

I have really heard it all when discussing the reasons for straying outside of a relationship. The fact that some people try to sell their madness with a straight face is commendable. But why do it? If you're not happy... leave.

Redditor u/OneAttention2623 wanted to hear about all the best excuses we've been fed from partners about being a lowdown, dirty, scandalous cheat, by asking:

What is The Dumbest Excuse An Ex Has Given You For Cheating?

It just happened. That one is a favorite. Like it was magic or destiny.

Huh?

"My ex-husband said these exact words to me. "It wasn't anything to do with you. You were never supposed to know." Freaking f**ker!"

- anapforme

"just a friend"

"I didn't wanna break your heart by dumping you. And you thought cheating would be LESS hurtful???? Forget you, Jess. I only found out because her secret boyfriend unexpectedly showed up at our house one night. She went ghost-pale, swore up-and-down that he was "just a friend" and then HE told me then had been doing/dating for several weeks. Who knows how many OTHER guys she was with behind my back over the 10 years we were together."

- ThumpyDumpkins

Angel of Mercy...

"I thought he had cancer."

- dreaminggod05

"Mr. Jenkins, I'm sorry, but it's cancer. It's in your liver now, but we can assume it will metastasize and move throughout your body. There aren't many treatment options that are available to us that stand much of a chance of working."

"Unless... and this is quite unorthodox... but preliminary studies show that freaking u/dreaminggod05*'s significant other may increase your chances of remission by nearly 69%. After all,* u/dreaminggod05 shows no signs of cancer at all, and we have to assume that benefit must be transmitted sexually. The contact info is available on nearly any restroom wall, but I'll write it down for you before you leave."

- ForayIntoFillyloo

2 Psychopaths

"I don't owe you an explanation." She cheated on me with my own damned older brother. That was my first serious relationship, y'all. He and I had already been estranged for a few years. It's what happens when you lie to the cops about your mother beating you with an electrical cord and then pull a buck knife on your little brother and tell him you'll assault him with it if he ever talks to you again"

- MC_Crit

LOLOLOLOL

"My friend's girlfriend told him that she "forgot she wasn't single anymore" lmfao."

- SuspendedCommie

I don't know where to begin. This mess is even beyond Oprah, Brené Brown, Iyanla and Dr. Phil. Just stay single.

You Failed

"He said that it was my fault that he cheated because I raised his confidence so much and he figured if he could get me he could get other girls and he decided to test that theory. A lot."

- you-know-poo

Eyes Closed

"I was sleep walking."

- Dapper-Dance5549

"There was an episode of "House" where a woman was wondering why her ex who lived in the same complex thinks she wanted him back. When House tells her she's pregnant it turns out she was going to his apartment and was having sex with him in her sleep. I don't remember how it ended because it was just the side plot that led him to figure out the main story."

- ScarletCaptain

it's probably not yours…

"When I found out she cheated on me and I asked why, she said "I thought you were going to say we should take a break." When I asked her if the kid was mine or his, she said "it's probably not yours… it could be his or his room mates', to be honest." And that's the magical combination from a fiancé that will send you into depression."

- k0uch

The Most Unexplained Events In History | George Takei’s Oh Myyy

You'll love her!

"Hey so I've been meaning to bring this up but I'm actually interested in a poly relationship even though we've been together for years and I've never once mentioned it. You'll love her!" Meanwhile he tried to cut me off from all my male friends. I know quite a few poly people, and see how it works for them, which just added to the bull factor."

- LaLucertola

Fly Away

"I only had one man cheated on me in my life and that's my ex-husband. And he basically frame it as, "My butterflies for you has flown to her." What more other explanation do I need right? Makes sense..."

- condemned02

Like a Virgin

"I was not a virgin previous to the relationship, so it was not fair that she had not had sex with someone else."

- ehren123

"My ex bf broke up with me for the same reason when previously we were making plans for the future. And when he found out that other women's vaginas aren't more magical than mine he tried to come back to me lol. But at least he did break up instead of cheat."

- More_Example6153

Be Natural

"Humans are not naturally monogamous. It doesn't make sense for us to be monogamous, so you really can't blame me for acting naturally."

- moonchz

"I had one similar to this, who told me that the expectation that women not cheat was part of the patriarchy and by expecting her not to, I was being abusive and controlling."

- Kerriganszergheels

It hurt but I forgave her.

"I found out she cheated on me with a coworker, but admitted it immediately and asked me to forgive her (just got married 3 months before this after 7 years together). It hurt but I forgave her. The next weekend she did it again because "clearly I don't care about her since I didn't get that mad." I wasn't as forgiving the second time, broke some sh*t in our house just to prove how pissed I was, then we split. My life is so much better now."

- S1ick_R34p3r

Daughters

"I had postpartum depression after my third daughter. My daughters were four, three and one when he slept with my neighbor. He said I emotionally pushed him away 🤔."

- wolfielover22

"Maybe you did. It would be normal and understandable of you had; three small children and depression would make it very difficult to cater to your husband's needs. So, a decent, unselfish and loving husband would understand the stress and difficulty you're experiencing, and would step up to take care of you and the kids while you recuperate, and would make an effort to maintain the emotional connection between the two of you. What an utter failure at being a husband."

- Bergenia1

Mud

"He didn't "cherish" me. He knew he promised to in his vows but he didn't do it. We divorced in 2012 after 30 years together and he passed a year ago. I'm bittersweet about the whole thing. That man made a mud hole out of my heart by the time I was done."

- Iride3wheels

"best interests"

"You're too emotional and she was giving me advice about you." And "Well I'm much happier now." it's been a year and I'm still seriously f*cked up about it."

- AnnaBigBanana·

"I just posted about mine who said some similar bullsh*t about how she was giving him advice about me. He actually tried to tell me that she had my "best interests" at heart and was doing me a "favor." Yeah, sure."

"This witch I've never met (but who knew I existed and was with my partner) was really looking out for me by jumping on my partner's penis and then sexting him constantly afterward. It's been over a year for me and I'm still messed up about it too. I'm really sorry. Nobody deserves to be betrayed like that, or gaslighted afterward with such absurd, blame-shifting excuses."

- Maxwells_Demona·

I'm Alone

"My Cousin's ex wife cheated on him with her personal trainer and told my cousin it was his fault because he didn't go to the gym with her."

- guywastingtime

Comfort

"Oooh... I've got a good story about this. I thought something shady was going on with an ex and her work colleague. I asked her about it and she denied it. Then I got confirmation from another friend who also worked with her. He said she was with this dude on the side."

"So I confront her again and asked why she lied when I asked her about this colleague before and also asked why she was cheating. She said whatever she was doing was between her and work colleague, and so it was none of my business. That's why she didn't have to tell me."

- TripleJeopardy3

Make a Wish

"It's my birthday too. During the summer after high school (UK) so was 16, got with a gal who had the same birthday as me unknowingly which was quite funny tbh. Fast forward to her birthday party her family threw for her and invited a bunch of friends, I'll never forget walking up the stairs to see them making out. Was the worst birthday I'd ever had."

- Jazs1994

No Chairs

"Not my story but a couple I was friends with in college. Girlfriend was cheating on her boyfriend for months with a classmate, apparently it started because she had him at her apartment and she had to sit on his lap while they did their work "because of lack of chairs."

- QueenTzahra

I give people points for comedy and ingenuity but come on. I hope in these divorces the scorned took the cheater for EVERYTHING! I would.