That's strangely impressive.

I dislocated my thumb once, because I didn't realize I was sitting on it and pulled my hand up too hard.

UsernameKindaName

You didn't know you were sitting on your hand? Were you a baby or are you just that oblivious?

tayecio

Oh NO.

Punched myself in the testicles while fluffing pillows.

sitsontoilets

I witnessed a guy I was working with, get stung on the upper leg by a wasp. He slapped the wasp with his hand to kill it. He was holding a hammer in that hand and perfectly hit himself in the nuts with the hammer.

Troubador222

That takes skill.

Pinched 3 nerves in my neck by looking to the left, trying to get dressed one morning.

MYHAUNTEDPOCKET

This happened to me when I was 14 or so. I was brushing my hair, and my neck just felt like it seized up. It was at the start of a vacation with my friend in Florida.

My head was turned slightly to the left the rest of the stay and my friend wouldn't stop laughing at me. I guess I looked pretty goofy.

paby

Uh-oh, spaghettio.

I have a relatively massive scar on my right hand from trying to open a spaghettios can while sh*tfaced.

PlatinumPumpkin

What's the story you tell people so they don't think you're an idiot?

BogdanNeo

Good dog.

I was jogging with my dog and zoned out and then tripped over my dog and broke my hand

pdxblazer

But was the dog okay?

Eccentriclefty

Weird.

A buddy of mine tore his tricep during sex. Like, not even crazy weird positions, just on top, flexed his arm funny, tore a tricep, had to have his wife drive him to the ER to have it looked at.

Permanent damage. Might not ever get back to 100% functions. From standard, dude-on-top going at it.

Weirdest thing.

AcrolloPeed

Hilarious.

Crutching out of the hospital after having my cast removed, because I tore the ligaments in my ankle. Someone walked into me, I fell and could go back in, torn the ligaments in my other ankle.

Kunnaj

Dude this is hilarious.

Piggy846

Too much love.

Had my rib broken receiving a hug.

FairleighBuzzed

Who the f**k did you hug??? A bear???

TimDuncanCanDunk

My boyfriend was happy to see me. Too much you could even say.

FairleighBuzzed

But were the jorts ok?

Stabbed myself with a fixed blade hunting knife trying to make a pair of jorts while I was wearing the jeans. Over five hours in the ER trying to stop the bleeding with multiple sets of stitches and staples.

Yes I was intoxicated.

dks8886

You sound like the kind of person I want to be best friends with, you had me at jorts.

plaid_peonies

You need to get that fixed.

Hugged my dad, dislocated my shoulder. Also, sleeping with my gf, dislocated my shoulder. Also, sneezed, dislocated my shoulder. You see where I'm going with this, right?

mpek1992

Did you dislocate your shoulder posting this?

xsited1