Doctors Describe The Dumbest Patients They Have Ever Encountered

Patients seek medical attention for a variety of symptoms.

Some may not be able to articulate what they are experiencing based on their distressed state of mind while others are best at calmly conveying the situation.

Doctors have observed both scenarios and everything in between, but the patients who stick out to them most are the ones who aren't the brightest.

Curious to hear about their face-palming experiences, Redditor TheCursedSurgeon asked:

"Doctors of Reddit, who’s the dumbest patient you’ve ever had?"

Let's talk about sex.

Still No Baby

"Young couple come in saying they have tried conceiving for almost a year, but she’s still not pregnant. I start by taking her patient history. Turns out she’s been on the pill for years due to period pain."

"Edit: Also, when I explained how the pill works, and advised her to discontinue and keep trying for a baby, they didn’t believe me and insisted on being referred to a fertility specialist."

– Virgilcainisthename

Ordering Parts

"When I worked as a medical assistant in an OBGYN clinic, a patient called to make an appointment because she 'needed a fallopian tube.'”

"I was so confused, I asked her if she was meant that she wanted to get her tubes tied."

"No, she said, 'I’m trying to get pregnant, so I need to get a fallopian tube.'”

"Definitely booked a visit for pregnancy planning education session."

– kitty_bean

Apple Care

"I thought this only happened in TV shows, but one of my sister's friends is a doctor and told us about a teenage girl that came to the ER with abdominal pain. Yes, this is going where you think it's going."

"When asked, she swore up and down that she couldn't possibly be pregnant. They ran the usual tests, and, wouldn't you know it, the girl was pregnant."

"She could not believe it, total denial, but she did not deny having sex with her boyfriend, so the doctor (my sister's friend) asked her what birth control they used."

"Apples. She ate an apple after having sex with him."

– KatKaleen

Some people are just mental.

Confusing Psychosis

"When I was a student, I had a young guy come into the ER with psych complaints. He was worried about his thoughts. He said that he has these out of body experiences, he feels like he can’t control his mind or body, and he just feels odd. I discuss with my attending and we’re about to consult psychiatry."

"We go and interview the patient together and discuss things further. It turns out that he gets these symptoms about three times per day, subsequently happens after he smokes weed. So he was just getting high."

– zimmer199

The Dealer

"Had a pt straight up tell me they were giving and selling their pain medication away to friends. It was their reason for needing frequent refills."

– bnewsom02

Vision Problems

"Ophthalmologist here. Patient’s eye wasn’t getting better so I asked if he’s using his drops in the correct eye. He wasn’t. He argued that his right eye is really his left eye because he throws a ball with his left hand. I argued right vs left with him for a good 5 minutes before I gave up. He won the argument."

"I’ve had 2 patients who stare at the sun. They both said it’s like stargazing because the sun is technically a star."

"I had a blind patient who was still riding a motorcycle. He rode into a house and had to give up his motorcycle."

– seeing_red415

"I have a family member who is an optometrist and says he has had multiple patients come in with permanent damage to their eyes because they stared at the sun for too long. It is apparently very hard to break it to them that the eye doesn't heal itself in that way."

– Substantial-Award-20

Sensitive Teeth

"The other day an established patient came in for an emergency dental visit because all of his teeth were hurting worse and worse and worse, to the point where he could barely touch them with a toothbrush."

"The pain started a few weeks after he had started swishing with peroxide everyday. He had decided he wanted less bacteria in his mouth, and he decided that swishing with peroxide would be the best way to do this. But now, every time he used the peroxide, his teeth became severely sensitive and painful to touch."

"Me, wondering how to gently break the news to this otherwise bright guy that he was being dumb: 'So..... Have you tried not swishing with peroxide?' "

"Him: 'Well.... No.' "

"Me: 'Well.... Try that.' "

"Whadya know, problem solved."

"(This is certainly not my dumbest patient encounter, but it was recent and the only one that comes to mind at the moment.)"

"Edit after many DMs and comments: what made this patient dumb was not the fact that he swished with hydrogen peroxide. Many people do this, and it really doesn't hurt or help them. Maybe it makes them feel good."

"In this guy's case, it caused him a ton of pain, but he didn't realize he could just....stop doing the thing that nobody told him to do. To me, that's a dumb moment."

– buccal_up

Admitting Stupidity

"I was the dumb patient. I got tested for lactose intolerance, my blood sugar rising like it should, so it wasnt that. I still had a very strong stomach reaction and spend a few hours in a pay-toilet feeling very sorry for myself."

"Told my doctor 'I know it isnt lactose but I sh*t myself if/when I drink milk.' Doctor goes 'well.. try not drinking milk.'"

"I've never trusted my brain since."

– xthatwasmex

Warning: These painful examples may make you queasy.

The Stabbed Man

"My mom worked at a major hospital and heard the story of a guy who called the emergency line saying that he'd accidentally stabbed himself in the torso with a knife while cutting something."

"Their first piece of advice was to not remove the knife, to which he replied 'what do I do if I DID remove it?' and they gave him instructions. When the ambulance arrived, they found the man with the knife in his torso... yep, he put it back in."

– Post_Efficient

Wrong Medical Expert

"I'm a PhD clinical psychologist, so not a physician. Patient came in for an emergency appointment (usually these are folks who are suicidal, recently assaulted, manic or in psychosis). He filled out ALL our paperwork (so many questions about mental health history) and sat in our waiting room."

"I can't tell you how clearly this is a psychological services clinic. Finally, he gets back to my room, sits down, and pulls up his pant leg. Starts taking off his shoe."

"My man had ankle pain."

"Me: 'I'm really sorry you have been waiting for so long, but unless you want to talk about how your ankle pain is making you feel, there isn't anything I can do'."

"It took a little convincing that I wasn't holding out on him. No, I wouldn't just 'take a quick look at it.' He was baffled and kept saying, 'But you're a doctor!'"

"I'm not convinced I successfully explained the difference between a psychologist and a physician. I don't even think he was drug seeking. He was freshly 18 and not the brightest bulb."

"He eventually limped off to the nearest urgent care. Poor kid. Hope he's okay out there!"

– roomforathousand

To be fair, many of these examples included patients at their worst moments when they couldn't think rationally.

And while their fears and anxieties are warranted, they should never rely on Googling their symptoms to make a diagnosis and act accordingly.

Because the stupidest thing one could do is go to the emergency room after one's circumstances take a turn for the worse as a result of settling for wild self-diagnosing.

So, no, there are no such things as a stupid question.

If you have a concern that needs addressing, seek medical help because the dumbest thing you can do is come up with solutions on your own.