When a person becomes a parent, much more will change in their life than they anticipated.
But that transition can be especially hard when a person feels like they're losing themselves to their role as a mom or dad—and that feeling is made even worse when their partner hyper-fixates on their new role.
But father of two, Redditor Fit_Bowl_7313, didn't see it that way when he left a special note for his wife and their two-year-old and four-month-old daughters.
The dad wrote:
"Dear Mommy, Blakely, and Kensly:"
"I will miss you girls so much this week! Mommy is doing such a great job. She is Superwoman and Supermom! Make sure you are good for her this week!"
"Blakely and Kensly, Daddy is so proud of you girls! You are both so smart and so funny! I love you girls so much and will miss you!!!"
"Keep practicing your alphabet letters, Blakely! And keep practicing your tummy time, Kenz!"
"Love you and can't wait to FaceTime on the phone with you and Mommy this week!"
"So proud that you three are my girls!"
You can see the original letter here:
u/Fit_Bowl_7313/Reddit
Feeling good about what he wrote, the Redditor was later confused when his wife had a negative reaction to the letter, believing that it was only for their daughters and not for her.
Confused, he shared the note on the "Marriage" subReddit, wondering if he'd done something wrong, writing:
"I said goodbye to my wife this morning for a work trip for a week and left this note on the table for my wife and two little girls (two years old and four months old)."
"I addressed it to the 'The Girls,' meaning all three of them (including my wife)."
"But she thinks it shows no care towards her and that I only care about my kids and not her."
"Does her anger seem justified here? Just want to see if I’m missing something here because my intent was to leave a nice note for all of them. Thank you for the feedback!"
Some Redditors reassured the dad, stating that this was a very sweet note to receive.
"Your wife is delusional. This is cute, and you clearly meant it for her, too. You complimented her." - Important_Salad_5158
"As a wife and mother, all I see is a beautiful and loving note. I’m very confused by her response." - soicallherbigbooty0
"It’s a sweet note. Nothing to really be upset about. She probably just wants to be recognized outside of being a mom. Four months is a tough time and solo parenting for a whole week is daunting."
"Send her some flowers while you’re gone with a cheeky note just for her. Nice flowers that come already arranged from a local florist." - merrygirl07
"It's a lovely note. Maybe she’s just hormonal? Losing herself in being a mom? Does she get out much right now? Asking because you mentioned the younger one is only four months old." - Timely_Survey_7990
But others were critical of the letter and understood why the mom was upset.
Not only did the letter fixate on the daughters and their current achievements, but the letter only mentioned his wife's role as a mother and only referred to her as "Mommy" and not by her name.
"She wants you to see her as your wife, not just mommy. She wanted a note that said I love you so much and I can’t wait to get back to you. She wants to know you still see her as the beautiful woman you fell in love with and not just 'Mommy.'"
"This is her way and opportunity of saying you don't acknowledge her expectations at other times. This is just a symptom of underlying resentment that you need to address." - Edith111
"I don’t think she’s delusional at all, I think she’s four months postpartum and in her own with two toddlers. And yeah, he missed the paragraph to the only person who can read the letter. This was a super cute letter, though, but I can see why this stressed her out, given the circumstances." - jalapeneno
"I was going to say she has a two-year-old and a four-month-old! Postpartum made me feel like a crazy person and I felt like I needed more attention from my husband as well, so this could just be hormones talking."
"Being upset about you leaving and her alone with two babies is a lot and overwhelming, as well, so I would just consider that to be what’s going on post partum is no joke." - Aggressive_Junket245
"I'm a dad, but I would never have written that section outlining what the kids should work on while I'm gone. It's hard enough solo parenting with two kids at those ages, she doesn't need the pressure of his expectations that she should help them work on letters and tummy time. The letter was great until I hit that. My ex-wife would have been angry too." - MaineMan1234
"Your response is very dismissive of her. Maybe she doesn’t want to be 'super mom.' Maybe she is feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of caring for the two kids and the household all by herself for so long without any rest in sight."
"He tries to be appreciative in his letter, but perhaps he should write more to her directly as his wife (outside of her role as a mother)." - Party_Meringue9740
"I see that she was mentioned to their children, who she will be caring for, yes, OP complimented her to the children, but she doesn't have a note to just her."
"Reading this note to her children and bridging that intended connection from OP, to their kids is an added thing. Sweet, loving, well intentioned, but with a four-month-old, I didn't really want to have to do or think about extra things, and she has both a four-month-old and a two-year-old. For a week. Presumably alone for most of that."
"OP, you left your kids sweet messages and included sweetness to their mom, but she didn't get a personal message from her person, her partner, who she's supporting to go on a week-long business trip."
"Like a 'hey, babe, I love you and appreciate you so much, and I'm gonna miss you while I'm away. You've got this Supermom/Superwoman,' for her on the note. When you come back, bring something she likes, and a little gift for each of your girls."
"Like personally, I get mad when my partner doesn't say goodbye to me with the same enthusiasm as our kid every morning, I can't imagine a bare goodbye that's meant for a week." - IllChange1151
The dad may have meant the best with this note, but it's clear that more was needed for his wife to feel secured and loved, not just as a mother figure to his children.
He needed to remember who he dated, and who he married, before he ever had children, and to remember to address her in that way, too, not just as the mother of his children.
