Don't Eat the Spider!!

It's a vague memory, I think I was around 3 or 4 (maaaaaybe 5). I had this big goof of a German Shepard who was my best friend and guardian, but who liked to eat bugs and lizards. We were living in Nicaragua, and so bugs and lizards were not in short supply. I don't know why I decided to copy the dog, but I saw a HUGE spider and decided to eat it.

I have this memory that I'm sure has been exaggerated but I clearly remember my little hand clasping a HUGE spider by the abdomen, legs sticking out between my fingers, and popping it into my mouth. I bit down, chewed and still to this day have a vivid memory of the legs dangling out of my mouth as I ate this giant.

It tasted awful, and it felt so terrible to bite down onto. I have occasional nightmares about it now, and I'm in my mid 40's.

I want to time travel just to tell 3 or 4 year old me, "Don't eat that spider!" Don't eat absolutely massive spiders folks. You'll regret it. MenudoMenudo

The Slap back. 

I pushed a pot of hot oil off the stove top.

Funny thing about physics, the oil splashed back all over my hand. Rednaxxela

At least it wasn't your face. photoshift

The "Irony"

I was ironing my clothes when I decided to put the iron on the carpet while my mom went shopping. Waleedrst

My roommate ironed his shirt and realized it was still kind of wrinkly once he put it on, so he tried to iron it while he was wearing it... ya he has iron shaped burn marks now. All I could ask was "what did you think would happen?" He was 28 at the time, and generally isn't an idiot. DonatedCheese

The Follow Up! 

I bought the house we'd been renting for a few years without getting an inspection first. We were trying to do it super-cheap, and I told my wife, "Look, we already know everything that's wrong with this house. Why bother getting an inspection?"

Follow up - We did not know everything that was wrong with this house. Nor how expensive it would be to fix those things. edgarpickle

BURGERS!!

I broiled burger patties on a shallow cookie sheet and the small lake of grease that accumulated caught fire. Burgers were great though. Happyhandse

Yup. Gone.

In fourth grade my parents remodeled the kitchen. This involved digging up part of the foundation to rebuild the deck. As such we had a giant dirt pile in the back yard. I was playing on it, jumped off, tripped and fell face first on concrete. I immediately knew something was wrong. I ran inside and opened my mouth and looked in the bathroom mirror. I was missing about a third of my top right front tooth. I distinctly recall saying out loud, "yup, it's gone." jmorlin

No Polish....

When I was around 12, I noticed that nail polish remover felt cold and kind of nice as it evaporated from my fingers.

So I decided to put some on my vagina. littlest_ginger

The Rodeo. 

I was about 5 years old and the next door neighbors took me to meet their horses. The mom gave very clear and explicit instructions on how to be near and handle the horses and proceeded to start to brush one of them. In my infinite wisdom I walked behind the horse and very timidly grazed its beautiful tail with my small hand.

Thats the day I became the 1978 Connecticut state rodeo champion.

With lightning speed I was hit with a force I wouldn't again feel until as an adult I was in a car accident. I was launched out of the stall and half way across the common area. As I lay stunned, gasping for breath I knew I shouldn't have done that. skinnydippindiarrhea

As a Pencil....

When I was 6 years old and stuck my little finger in a pencil sharpener and twisted it a few times like it was a pencil. I nearly passed out. SmallCitron

Walk Away.

Bully started walking away and my amazing brain came up with "yeah you better walk away." He then turned around and I crapped bricks. Aymoss

REDDIT