Some people are extremely organized. Others, not so much.
So what happens when an organized person enters a relationship with someone who would lose their head if it wasn't attached?
A 20-year-old woman is dealing with that conundrum with her absent minded 24-year-old partner. After her solution to his constantly losing things caused friction, she turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
Redditor Wet-_-Socks asked:
"AITA For making a box of things my partner can't touch?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My partner loses everything. You hand him a $100 bill, walk away for 5 minutes, he's digging through everything trying to find it."
"It's kinda cute sometimes, but other times it really gets on my nerves. Today, two things got on my nerves bad."
"Thing number one: I have one very specific lighter that was my parent's last gift to me before they separated. It's a refillable one with a custom case on it."
"I always set it in the same place after smoking a cigarette. This morning, I get up to smoke, and it's gone."
"I flip our whole apartment upside down before calling him in a panic. He tells me he used it this morning but can't find it in the car and he has to get to work."
"If this thing is lost for good, I'm gonna freak."
"Thing number two: I have lupus and early stage rheumatoid arthritis, and my meds are just... Gone. I know he took an allergy pill this morning and took everything out of the medicine cabinet."
"Now my 2 most important medications and an as-needed sleeping med are nowhere to be found."
"I got fed up so I ran over to the dollar store and got a box and put a few other important things in there. I sent him a picture and said 'Once I find my lighter and my medications, everything in this box isn't to be touched'."
"He texted back saying how it was humiliating that I even went and did that, I'm overreacting, and I'm being a bully to him for something he isn't doing intentionally. His best friend whom he works with has now also texted me saying I'm making a big deal of nothing."
"So, Reddit... Am I the asshole for setting aside a box of things that he isn't allowed to touch due to him losing incredibly important items of mine?"
The OP returned to add a few details.
"I oversimplified my text to him in the post cause it was actually kind of long and I don't want my post to be too long."
"What I actually said was as follows: 'Hey love, your phone is probably off but on break we can talk at length about this. I know you didn't mean to misplace my stuff but unfortunately this time it's a sentimental item and medications that determine my functionality so I feel like we have to have some kind of solution here'."
"'It's not ideal as I like that we share most things, but this has become more serious. I ran to the dollar store and picked up this box and I want you to know now: if it's in this box, it is incredibly important and can not be lost, so please don't touch it unless I ask you to'."
"'Besides this, I hope you have a lovely day obtaining that muhfuckin grain and I believe my dad is bringing you lunch today! Love you!!'"
The OP returned to answer one of the most commonly asked questions as well.
"Since it's the most commonly asked question, I'll address it directly in the post. He is not officially diagnosed with an attention disorder, but I have higher functioning ADHD and have noticed a considerable amount of my own symptoms in his mannerisms and behaviors."
"I only haven't brought it up because one, he doesn't have insurance at the moment, and two, I try not to bring up potential diagnoses as my mom was a bit of a pill pusher and borderline Munchausen by proxy with me and it feels almost like a violation of myself when I do it to other people."
"However, a local clinic does free mental health screenings and we will be going to get him evaluated on Saturday (thank god they're open on Saturdays)."
Redditors were asked to weigh in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
"This looks like stellar problem-solving to me. Carry on." ~ ichthysaur
"NTA, but with his reaction, don't be surprised to find the box empty the first time you turn around." ~ INTJedi
"Or he might manage to lose the entire box."
"OP, get something that can be:"
"a) attached to a surface and not easily moved"
"Given his reaction, he's probably butthurt enough to want to prove you wrong, and there goes your important stuff again." ~ NinjaDefenestrator
"NTA. He lost your MEDS, ffs." ~ Bac7
"I'm chronically ill and if someone misplaced my medication, I'd be furious! My late mother stole some narcotics and I banned her from my house. You do not mess with someone's drugs!" ~ R4catstoomany
After Redditors gave their judgment, the OP returned with an update.
"Alrighty internet, here's where things are sitting now, after a 20 minute phone call."
"As soon as I answer the phone, he is apologizing. He found the lighter (jacket pocket) and my meds are, in fact, behind the toilet. He will be retrieving them when he gets home and has offered me a back rub. I have accepted his offer."
"I ask why he got defensive with me. He apologizes again and says he had just gotten to work and was already running late and the stress of being late combined with being called out just irritated him for a minute."
"He wanted to text back and apologize as soon as he clocked in but cellphones aren't allowed on the floor, which I knew. His friend texted me because he received a brief explanation as to why my partner is flustered and irritable, with little to no detail."
"He actually thinks the box is a really good idea, and suggests we have one for every room. More apologizing, and then I hear his boss call him over so he has to go. 'I love you's and we hung up."
"It was a misunderstanding early in the morning after a stressful start. I'm fine with the result of the phone call."
"The pieces of the story pie fit together and we're gonna be okay. He's surprisingly not out to get me and take my stuff out of spite, who'da thunk it."
It sounds like this couple is on the right path and came up with a solution that works for them both.