Skip to content
Search AI Powered

Latest Stories

Meet The Two Turkeys Vying For The Official Presidential Pardon This Year

Meet The Two Turkeys Vying For The Official Presidential Pardon This Year
Chen Mengtong/China News Service/VCG via Getty Images

They may get along like Peas and Carrots, but ONLY ONE WILL ESCAPE CERTAIN DEATH *maniacal laugh*


JKJKJK, they'll both live. But only one will have the official title. It's Presidential Turkey Pardon time!

Meat Meet Peas and Carrots, this year's gobblers vying for the annual pardon, because everything in Washington is completely fine and business as usual and going according to tradition! Peas and Carrots, come from a farm in South Dakota on a Hutterite colony (sort of like the Amish or Mennonites).

They really are handsome aren't they? Distinguished, you might say, like elder statesmen, but also birds.

Fun fact about Peas and Carrots: they were hatched in JUNE. Did you know that turkeys matured so quickly? I assumed they were around for years and years just doing turkey things before they were ready to be eaten, mainly because they look like deeply disgruntled old men who've had it, but with feathers and stuff. Though they're probably women because I don't think you eat man turkeys? But gender is a construct so who cares. Anyway, they grow up so fast is my point! *dabs sentimental tears*

Other fun facts about Peas and Carrots that may affect your decision about whom to pardon. This information comes directly from the White House, so you know you can trust it.



For me, this isn't a contest. Braid Paisley is lame, ice fishing is cold and boring and I don't care for a boisterous anything, let alone a gobble. And while "telemark snow skiing" is like, come on with the hipster bullsh** Carrots just be cool, I do love a strong and confident man, so I feel like Carrots and I have more in common. Peas gotta die.

KIDDING AGAIN NEITHER OF THEM ARE GOING TO DIE CALM DOWN.

Anyway, if you're wondering why we do this every year, it has multiple origins, technically starting with ol' Abe Lincoln. The New Yorker made this little video about it:

The "pardon" part, however, has origins that seem very fitting in 2018: it was a diversionary stunt by Ronald Reagan to deflect questions about whether he'd pardon Oliver North and John Poindexter in the Iran-Contra Scandal, according to NPR. Neat!

Anyway, the Peas-or-Carrots debate proved divisive on Twitter!





While the more benevolent among us simply couldn't choose:


And others took this as an opportunity to heckle the turkeys for their shortcomings, because the internet is mean:


And still others couldn't help but get topical:




Anyway, as befits America in 2018, the turkeys are currently in a dead heat, with all precincts reporting.

Will there be a recount or a runoff? Watch this space!

H/T Politico, NPR

More from People/donald-trump

Stephen Falco
WISH-TV/YouTube

Indiana Church Doubles Down After Telling LGBTQ+ People To Kill Themselves Or Face Death Penalty

An Indiana Baptist church is under fire for telling LGBTQ+ people to kill themselves, just as Christ would have done.

Sure Foundation Baptist Church in Indianapolis caused an uproar after a sermon in which church member Stephen Falco recommended LGBTQ+ commit suicide—and if they don't, the Trump Administration should execute them.

Keep ReadingShow less
screenshot of KSAT ABC 12 news anchors  and Stephania Jimenez

Texas News Anchor Slams Noem And Abbott For Using Flood Press Conference To Praise Each Other

KSAT ABC 12 News anchor Stephania Jimenez called out the priorities of federal and state officials during disasters live on air on Saturday.

Jiminez spoke out after a fifth news conference that was supposed to be about the deadly flash flooding west of San Antonio began with yet another mutual admiration society performance by Department of Homeland Security head Kristi Noem, Texas Republican Governor Greg Abbott, and nearly everyone else behind the microphones.

Keep ReadingShow less
Screenshot of Mike Johnson
Fox News Sunday

Mike Johnson Blasted After Claiming All Congress Can Do After Texas Floods Is 'Pray'

House Speaker Mike Johnson is facing angry criticism after he appeared on Fox News to remark on the deadly flooding in Texas that has killed hundreds, claiming that all Congress "knows to do at this moment is pray" in response to the disaster.

Speaking during the ongoing search and rescue operations, Johnson spoke as the people of Texas continue to raise mounting questions about the effectiveness of current warning systems and whether more could have been done in advance to prevent the loss of life.

Keep ReadingShow less
Donald Trump; Elon Musk
Omar Havana/Getty Images; Allison Robbert/AFP via Getty Image

Trump Lashes Out After 'Train Wreck' Elon Musk Announces He's Creating New Political Party

President Donald Trump attacked his former ally Elon Musk in a post on Truth Social after the tech billionaire announced over the weekend that he's creating a new political party called the "America Party" amid their ongoing feud.

Musk has made clear that he vehemently opposes the president's One Big Beautiful Bill—and will work to unseat any Republicans who've supported it, saying they've "voted for the biggest debt increase in history." He founded the new political party on July 5, the day after Trump signed the legislation, which adds roughly $3.3 trillion to the national debt.

Keep ReadingShow less
Black and white photo of a server dressed in all black peering through a window.
Photo by Ian Taylor on Unsplash

Restaurant Servers Describe The Worst Dates They've Ever Witnessed

I have been a waiter on and off for many years.

The things I've seen!

Keep ReadingShow less