There are milestones as we age that people often wish to celebrate, like becoming a teenager, a legal adult, drinking age, leaving your teen years behind, etc...
A young woman and her sister want to celebrate turning 20 in a big way. There's only one problem.
She and her sister aren't twins, they're triplets. And they don't want to invite sister number three.
So she turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit to ask a hypothetical "Would I Be The A**hole" (WIBTA) question.
Redditor 1oneof3three asked:
"WIBTA if we celebrated our birthday without our triplet?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My sisters and I (the oldest) are fraternal triplets."
"Our sister 'Grace' the youngest, was born with some physical delays. She was born with a fractured hip and a deformed foot."
"She didn't walk until we were 5 . Both have been 'fixed' but she can't walk for more than 15 minutes."
In a later comment, the OP added:
"She is not even capable of climbing more than 6 flights of stairs."
"So my middle sister 'Hannah' and I tended to bond because Mom and Dad were busy caring for Grace."
"Don't get me wrong we all love each other. But Hannah and I are best friends."
"Anyway, every year for our birthday the three of us always have a special gathering. Usually it's themed."
"This year we are turning 20 and Hannah and I want to celebrate by taking a 2 month road trip. Going to several states, camping and enjoying nature."
"Because of Grace's physical delays it would be impossible for her to go with us. We plan to have a small dinner at home then head out on our trip."
"Grace doesn't know about it. I know she would want to go."
"We've been on a few 'hiking' trips with her but my sister and I want to do something more intense."
"But would we be a**holes if we celebrated without her?"
In a comment the OP added:
"We are posting about it in TikTok. A celebration of end of our childhood."
"We are also going to our old hometown we lived in as kids. The hospital we were born in. Where our parents met. Where some of our ancestors are buried."
"It will be a 'full circle' trip."
Redditors passed judgment by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were clear in their judgment that OP was definitely the a**hole.
"YTA because you two are clearly planning this trip and making two months about your shared birthday and the 'full circle' of your life to punish Grace because her physical delays required more attention from your parents while growing up."
"Sounds like you have some resentment to work through, maybe you should try two months of therapy instead." ~ sophscoan
"You're essentially sneaking out in the middle of the night like a couple of cowards, because you know you're leaving on a hugely significant and sentimental trip about your history SPECIFICALLY as sisters but ditching your sister to do so."
"You know she'll be devastated. You're planning to devastate your own sister...for TikTok views."
"This is so completely foul I can't even form the words for my disgust. YTA" ~ fillapillaz
The OP didn't immediately provide an edit or update to the AITA subReddit on whether or not they'd change their plans. Instead they went to the Relationship Advice subReddit and posted almost identical beginnings—leaving out the description of the trip and the nature of Grace's since corrected "physical delays"—but added a new ending:
"Technically the trip is already planned."
"We've paid for campsites and hotels. We have the van already and we bought gear and supplies for two."
"How can we break it to Grace that we do not want her to join?"
The OP's second attempt at validation and absolution went no better than their first.
Redditor LakotaGrl shared the description of Grace's corrected birth defects the OP left out, then commented:
"You're not hiking the Grand Canyon or scaling Kilimanjaro. You even wrote you've been on hikes with Grace."
After adding the OP's trip description from their AITA post, the Redditor added:
"If you want relevant advice, you need to give people ALL the facts."
"Like you're only close to your middle sister because before Grace had what were probably extremely painful corrective surgeries, your parents 'paid more attention' to her."
"Quit lying to yourself. Grace is fully capable of going on this type of trip."
"You clearly still resent her for something she had no control over."
"You need to ask 'How can my sister & I exclude my triplet because we resent her and have probably excluded her all of her life, but we don't want her to make us feel guilty or feel bad?'"
"Only when you are HONEST with yourself are you going to get advice you can use."
"The answer to the real question is there's no way anyone is going to think you and your favored sister aren't awful, selfish, immature rotten people if you exclude Grace from the trip you actually have planned."
"Either learn to live with everyone thinking you're both petty and selfish or take the advice you've already been given and either include Grace or don't go on the trip."
Others had similar responses:
"You suck. My advice is to not go and take the lost money as a f'ing lesson to not be a damn monster." ~ Babihbu
"I'd be so shocked if OP's parents werent disgusted with OP because of this to be honest."
"You'd think that having a sister with physical disabilities, OP would not end up ableist. Oops." ~ Santa__Sangre
"Yeah if I was Gracie and I found out about this I'd be like 'two words, one finger,' then never speak to them again." ~ unicorn92243
"Coming in off your AITA post... I'm so glad I don't have exclusionary siblings like you. To plan a birthday trip and framing it as coming 'full circle' by visiting your home town and birth place without a third of you? Nothing full circle about that."
"There is absolutely NO WAY that you are not going to break Grace's heart on this one and I don't think the relationship will be the same."
"Be curious to know what your parents think." ~ smuggleskittens
"Well what is it? That you don't want her to join or that she isn't able to due to her physical delays?"
"I say that because if it's the first reason then do not expect a good reaction from anyone." ~ eikcaj13
"You tell her that you and your sister are willing to sacrifice your relationship with her (and hopefully your parents) for the rest of your lives to go on this 2 month trip and Tiktok."
"That you went to another site to get validation, got told how awful you are and are still willing to do it. Then the two of you can enjoy the rest of your lives in the shame of what you did." ~ tallswimplay
"This will irrevocably hurt your relationship but I guess that doesn't bother you." ~ InfinitelyContentAF
"I bet after 20 years Grace already knows you two don't like her company. For all we know hanging out with you two for 2 months isn't her idea of fun."
"It's a good thing you asked Reddit because if it came out on TikTok that you left a triplet at home the internet would slam you. At least here it is anonymous."
"You must really resent her. You are really immature if oldest, middle, and youngest triplet matters to you."
"All the times your parents reminded you to include Grace just never sank in did it? It seems you saw it as them choosing her first instead of them trying to teach you compassion." ~ NakedOpossum
After seeing the fall-out and ratio, OP added an update to their original AITA post.
"I want to make sure everyone knows that Hannah and I love Grace. But she is NOT coming on the trip. We leave on the 25th."
"Some people have said that she can join for a part of the trip. But that is impossible."
"The first [two] days we will go hiking/camping in a National Park. Then have a relaxing trip of going to our old hometown."
After revealing it was only the first two days of the trip Grace couldn't physically do, the OP explained why those two days justified leaving Grace behind.
"Since our family isn't flying this year how do you expect Grace to catch up?"
The OP then outlined how they'd suffered when their parents wouldn't pick activities that would exclude Grace.
"So many of our family trips, vacations, gatherings have catered to Grace."
"Hannah and I wanted to have a hotel party when we were 8 but couldn't because Grace couldn't swim and the hotel didn't have wheelchair access."
"We wanted to go to sand-boarding when we were 13 but the company didn't have the equipment needed for Grace."
In OP's view, by her parents only agreeing to birthday activities that all three girls could do, they were favoring Grace.
"It's not Grace's fault we know that. But it doesn't change the fact that we have NEVER had a party that catered to Hannah and I. Never."
"Also there will be a small party with the three of us and some family. My sister Hannah and I wanted sushi but Grace didn't want sushi. So we are having burgers."
"I know people hate us but imagine your own parents not even considering your feelings and picking one kid over the other. Grace has my parents and other family. Hannah and I have each other."
It appears the trip was a done deal before they ever posted on Reddit. Hopefully they don't regret their choices when they get back from their "full circle" celebration of the end of their childhood.