People Share The Unspoken Rules About Moving In With A Romantic Partner

Moving in with a romantic partner is a HUGE step.

There is never a way to know for sure if the love story is forever, but life is risk, so you risk.

There are ways to make sure the living situation stays positive and nurturing.

It's best know the ground rules.

There are everyday basics that people sharing living space must abide by if they are going to survive.

Let's discuss.

Redditor GoldenHourShotz wanted to know all of the ways to keep the romance alive once couples share a living space, so they asked:

"What's an unspoken rule that everyone learns the hard way after moving in with a romantic partner?"

LEVELS

"People have already said it but it cannot be stressed enough, you and your partner will have different levels of cleanliness."

"It doesn’t matter how clean you think you are your partner will almost always have a lower standard or higher standard than you. And you have to compromise, it can’t be your way or the high way in either direction."

- TheRealRedParadox

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Separate Interests

"Everyone needs time alone. It is healthy to have a hobby or activity that doesn't involve your partner. It is perfectly healthy to be in the same room and do separate things without interacting with each other."

"There are ifs, what's, and buts to everything I've stated, but just understand that spending intentional, quality time with your partner is just as important as spending quality time with yourself and your interests or hobbies. It's a slippery road to frustration and resentment when you spend every waking hour with another person."

"Don't wait until you start getting annoyed by little things they do; take a walk, read a book, play a game, and, more importantly, encourage them to do the same."

- Raivyn52

Night, Night...

"Figure out what bedtime means. Some people always want to go to bed at the same time as their partners. others prefer more independence. If you have different needs for this, it has to be figured out early, or resentment will build up."

"Also, what does the bedtime and sleeping environment look like? A fan running or windows open? Full silence and darkness like a sensory deprivation tank? What if one of you snores? You will never be angrier at a person you love than lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, and not being able to because they like to sleep cold, and you can't get your feet to unfreeze."

- plzdonottouch

Room to Breathe

"Learning how to give/respect each other’s space and privacy. Don’t abandon the hobbies and friendships you have outside the relationship just because you’re spending more time with your partner. Remember that people need room to breathe under one roof. Don’t make your partner the source of your happiness and don’t become codependent. Do nice things for each other and always show appreciation. And for the love of god clean up after yourself!"

- guccichancla

Communicate

"You'll now be spending a LOT more time together. Congratulations! You've now entered the most passive stage of your relationship. You'll need to make a VERY active effort to reclaim your quality time together, because casual time will fool you into thinking you're having it when in actuality, you're just existing in the same space."

"This isn't to say you can't still watch TV together and call that quality time, and for some people that's more than enough. BUT, for most people, you need to actually be engaged with each other. Listen, talk about your days, let your partner rant about Anna from HR or tell you the gossip with her BFF's ex-husband. You don't have to have an obligatory date night picked out once a month (though it can help), you just need actual time where you're not being roommates."

- TheAbominableSbm

Together

"Your daily routines are not going to survive exactly as they were. Both of you are gonna have to compromise and work on new ones together."

- Silly_Accident3137

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The Other Thing

"I've had to tell partners, I don't speak subtle or decode hints. Just tell me what you want."

- Low_Day_6901

"And the flip side of that, which seems to happen to me: I’m about as subtle as a brick & I’m not trying to be mysterious or play some sort of mind game. I have literally told you what I want. No, I didn’t actually mean 'do this other thing' because I was just being xyz emotion here. You just need to listen and believe me when I’m telling you things.'Agree ahead of time whether it's ok to talk to the other person if they're in the bathroom.'"

- JumpingSpiderMonkey

Right and Wrong

"Just because your spouse does something differently doesn't mean it's wrong. (Although, how he folds towels is totally wrong! LoL)"

"And, although my husband and I figured this out before marriage... differ in wanting input or solutions to a situation, or just venting. My husband would advise on how to handle a situation, when all I wanted to do was vent for a few minutes, for him to listen, and offer a sincere 'my poor honey' and hug me."

"Now we'll start with either saying, I need to vent or I need your input on this..."

- pinkflamingo-lj

Not the Maid

"Sometimes doing is better than telling. My partner WFH full-time and would always forget to bring his coffee mugs, dirty plates, etc. into the kitchen at the end of the day. I used to do that for me, but since I go to the office once a week, I wasn't always around to clean up for him. Eventually, I just stopped picking up after him because I'm not his maid, and he had to deal with a growing pile of dirty dishes. He started cleaning up after himself very shortly after that, lol."

- meditative_love

Build New

"It’s wild how a simple disagreement over a dish in the sink is rarely just about the dish. You’re suddenly negotiating your entire definition of order and consideration. That’s why getting on the same page about the baseline for 'clean' isn't just housekeeping, it's relationship maintenance. It forces you to build new, shared routines instead of just clinging to your old single-life habits."

- justsotik

HUSH!

"My ex would try to read me memes from the toilet; meanwhile I'm a, 'Don't speak to me unless the house is on fire' pooper."

- Bookishdoe

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CRAZY

"If they are crazy, you will also appear to be crazy simply by dealing with their crazy. Like you will frantically tell your buddy to make sure the fridge dispenser is set back to ice because she goes nuts if it is left on water, and she blindly hits the button expecting it to be ice, like it always should be."

- inkseep1

24/7

"All of those quirky pink flags when you were just dating and not living together 24/7 are a lot less endearing. Example: they want to know when you’re home from work (they might be controlling of your time), they always take you out to eat (they might not know how to cook, or they make bad financial decisions), they have a niche interest or job (any 'extra space' will be completely dedicated towards that)."

"Also, my huge advice is to make SURE that you know how the house bills as well as shared expenses are split BEFORE you move in."

- penny2cents

Choices...

"I could go on a rant about my OCD-level cleanliness and opening bottles over a sink, but instead, I’ll say this - if every day you wake up, you choose to love your partner more than you want to be right, you will have a good day. Both partners have to buy into that in order for it to work. I’m a 43-year-old man and happily married for 20 years. Not religious, moderately successful business, 2 kids (1 w Downs)."

- Robatronian

Give and Take

"I think that you have learn not to count what your partner does vs you in the household. Some days you will do more laundry, other days your partner will do more dishes. If you start to count, I think you almost always will conclude that you do more than your partner because you can't see everything they contribute to. In the long run, things will even out."

BUMPS

"Even if you are both punctual people, it will take some reconfiguring to be on-time to things. You’re sharing resources like time in the bathroom/closet/etc. Those little bumps into each other’s routines really add up!"

- addamsfamilyoracle

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These are all pretty straightforward and manageable.

So then why do so many people muck it up?

Ah, humans... we are a messy bunch.

That bathroom rule is a no-brainer.

Realize you have to share the space.

Learn to embrace the coziness.

Or go back to being single.