Couples Who've Been Together 10+ Years Share Their Secret To Longevity

The entertainment industry likes to tell us that love is simple, and that if we really love someone, it will just come naturally.

But anyone who's been in a long-term relationship will point out that it takes work, even when everything is seemingly going well.

Fortunately, there are ways to make the relationship go more smoothly and be filled with more love and less stress.

Curious, Redditor 4Luffytarou asked:

"To married couples that have been together for 10 or more years, what's your secret?"

No Winning Or Losing

"Learn to admit when you are wrong. And don’t gloat when you are right."

- Acrobatic-Lunch-5096

"Exactly. If you ever feel you have to ‘win’ an argument, you’ve already lost. It’s not about winning or being right. Find the problem, fix the problem. Talk about the problem so you can avoid it in the future."

- steele83

Always On The Same Team

"We look at it like, we are a team. Sometimes when one of us is starting to get an ego, we have to say out loud, 'same team!'"

"It’s our reminder that we’re on the same team and it’s 'us vs. the problem,' not 'me vs. him.'"

- SugarButt402

"22 years and counting. 'Same team' is our mantra, as well."

"It seems silly, but it truly helps us stay focused on operating as a household instead of two individuals."

"We are both very independent people. Often at parties we’ll wander off separately, or we will go have separate activities (though we try to support each other where appropriate)… but at the end of the the day, it's us vs life."

"Thankfully, we are currently 'winning,' and it feels amazing."

- Roman_Anthony

Let It Go

"Let the little things go (this includes things that might seem big in the moment)."

- Leading-Royal-465

"This is the big one, in my opinion."

"Even when you think you're right, trying to examine the situation to figure out how you contributed to it. Not just blaming the other person."

"Remembering that it's never 100% one person's fault. We always both contribute in some way (except for some of those crazy Reddit stories!!)"

- TeddyBear181

Balance Out The Humor

"My husband and I gloat at each other all the time! But it's all in good fun. Ribbing each other is part of our chemistry. But it's only ever about trivial things. We never attack each other's self-esteem."

- jianantonic

"Yes, laugh more than you argue. Humor fixes cracks fast."

- FoxTailVeline

Sleeping Arrangements

"You might think I'm joking, but separate blankets!!"

- ImminentDebacle

"S**t. We have completely separate bedrooms. Being well-rested makes everyone a better person."

"My husband and I love each other immensely, but also are not at all compatible sleeping partners. I need it freezing with two fans; he freezes. He snores and kung fu fights. I need my service dog in my bed, and her fur gets tangled in his facial hair and tickles his face all night."

"We separated bedrooms about three to four years ago and never looked back. If we want sexy time, we have it. We cuddle and watch TV in bed still, but when it’s time to sleep, we say good night and go to our own beds lol. It’s glorious."

- Foreign-Victory3665

Politeness Goes A Long Way

"We like each other. And we never stopped being polite to each other."

- Hemenucha

"Never stop being polite and grateful for one another is a huge factor. We still thank each other for cooking dinner, doing laundry, all the s**t we’ve done for each other for a decade and more."

"We don’t get into the mindset of 'I don’t have to thank them, it’s expected.' Even if I expected my partner to do it, I’m still grateful they did. And I know they appreciate their effort being noticed."

- NeCede_Malis

"Oh, that is an excellent point! NEVER stop being polite to each other. Thank each other for the little things like making coffee, or scratching your back, or doing a load of laundry. If you can be polite to a stranger, or a waitress, or a checkout clerk but think it's not necessary to do so with your best friend, your marriage won't last."

- Catzenpult

Lots Of Time Together

"Start by marrying someone you actually like a lot. My wife is someone I'd be friends with regardless of romance. She really is my best friend. When you start that way, it's really difficult to mess it up."

- PostsWifesBottyPics

"i'll be more specific, marrying someone you always want to be around ... like you don't need time away. not saying you don't have time away, but it's not your first choice."

- LesPolsfuss

"Good point. Exactly right. There has not been a time in 21 years that I would have preferred to be away from her. Even when in a fight, I'd rather be sitting angry together than apart."

- PostsWifesBootyPics

Through Thick And Thin

"Marry someone you can talk to about anything and everything with. Someone who is both your best friend and your spouse. Because you’d still want to be with this person even when you’re old, saggy, gross, etc."

"I’ve been married for nearly 18 years, and I never tire of being with him, even though we both work from home and are practically in each other’s pockets."

- unsolicitedfacts

"Are you me? I agree with you 1000%."

"We’ve been together almost 20 years. We met at work and were friends before we started dating, and once that happened, we moved in together three months later."

"Of those twenty years, we’ve only not worked at the same company for four of those. And the past decade or so, it’s been a lot of remote, so yeah, we’re in each other’s pockets, too."

"We’re still not sick of each other yet."

- ikoabd

Fight Fair

"When you DO fight, fight fair. Don't say s**t just to be hurtful."

- Legionof1

"I never understood how people can fight with their significant other and scream and call names and just be so nasty, and then continue the relationship like it was nothing."

"We’ve definitely fought, and there have been some strong feelings, but we’ve never called each other names or turned it into personal attacks. That to me is a fast track to resentment."

- East-Initial9066

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

"Communication. I cannot possibly stress this enough. If you take nothing else away from the various comments, this is the most important."

"Another good one, you're likely not always going to feel 'in love.; Not sure how else to word it. There are always going to be highs and lows in a relationship, but you shouldn't confuse a general feeling of contentment with a low just because you aren't feeling madly in love all the time."

"It's hard to put into words for me, but it's like... just existing together in the same place is fine, even if that time is months long. The fact that you two can just sort of be together, and content is good. Some people think you always need to have that 'in love' feeling, but that really isn't true in a good, long-term relationship. I might be saying this badly, as I said, not great with words."

"Also really helps to have downtime things to enjoy. Just simple things like reading a book in the same room as your partner and idly petting their leg or something is a nice way to have simple intimacy."

"Speaking of downtime, also having at least one hobby that the other isn't part of is a good thing. It gives you time to not always be on top of each other during every activity, and it's lots of fun to show off whatever you're doing to your partner."

"I've been with my wife for 22 years come this December, we're basically best friends, and I can't even imagine my life without her."

- sutasafaia

The Cheer Section

"Be each other's cheerleader. Be the person who has their partners' back, be the person who believes in the other, be the person to give that boost and have confidence in them, cheer them on when they try new things that they are nervous about (being a parent, new job, moving to a new city)."

"Be the one who says, 'You got this. I know you will do great.'"

- Loud_Pomelo_2362

Shared Life Plans

"Our first date. Do you have strong opinions about religion?"

"You have kids? No, you?"

"You want to get married ever? No, you?"

"Three most important questions, in my opinion, done before we got our main course of kung pao beef and chow mein."

- Low_Dentist_1587

"Yes! If only I had been much firmer and clearer about my life plans in my prior relationship. Two years wasted because he didn’t believe me when I said I didn’t want kids."

"Been with my current partner for fifteen years, and the 'There will be no kids, like, for real' conversation happened very early on."

"My number one piece of dating advice is to always bring it up early if you have a major want or need that likely would be a dealbreaker for a majority of people (e.g., never wanting kids or never wanting to be married). Just saves SO much time and angst."

- banoctopus

The Highest Respect

"Something I don't quite see articulated often, though I do see some similar in the comments here: I'm 100% in her corner."

"She is my bestie, her interests are my interests."

"I see couples that 'prank' each other, or take it too far, or slag on each other, or similar. We don't do any of that."

"I'm her ride-or-die. I would never do or say anything differently if she were around or not."

"So I guess it's just a level of respect and love on the absolute highest levels."

- bitemark01

Sing Together

"Find someone you can sing with. I call my wife in the nursing home and sing songs with her. I have the voice of a screech owl, doesn't matter, we have fun."

- Mulatto-Butts

"I always tell people that about singing. Unless you're on a stage to specifically entertain people, it doesn't matter whether you sound like Beyonce or a dying animal; you're there to have fun, sing your damn heart out!!"

- bne1022

"This is amazing. I love this. My husband and I make up silly ass songs and sing to each other. Currently, our favorite thing to do when we are in separate rooms is to pop into the room they are in and sing, 'That’s my husband over there, and I love hiiiiiimmmm,' in the most non-melodic song ever."

- Foreign-Victory3665

Take Notes

"24 years here."

"You have to actually like each other. A lot. This seems obvious to some people, but you would be surprised how often one half of the relationship actively dislikes their significant other."

"There have to be things both of you look up to in one another."

"Getting to a place of secure attachment. You don’t have to be there when you get married, but you do need to actively work towards it."

"Therapy."

"Equity. You may have different strengths, but being good at cooking or budgeting doesn’t mean those things fall all on you all the time, forever."

"No weaponized incompetence. No."

"Don’t let your significant other carry the entire mental load. Honor unseen labor. Don’t assume stereotypical gender roles."

"Cultivate an amazing bedside manner that fulfills your significant other’s needs during times of physical, mental, or emotional distress. When one partner cares well for the other, but the opposite isn’t true, it’s deeply heartbreaking for the giver who never gets."

"Separate blankets in bed."

"Communicate clearly and vulnerably about your sexual needs, desires, fantasies, etc. Don’t be offended by being guided, don’t be scared to tell them what you want or need."

"Don’t say stuff like, 'I’d do anything for her!' and then refuse to put the toilet seat down or make dinner a few times a week."

"Love them accurately."

- JoyKillsSorrow

Relationships take work, but for these Redditors, at the end of the day, it was all about marrying someone that you not only love, but someone you like, someone you respect, and someone you can share something with.

When you have all of that, it's so much easier to remember to have fun and enjoy life together, and to remember that you're on the same team, ready to figure this thing out together, when life does get hard.

It's not all a cake walk, but it's so much sweeter when you're going through it with someone you like, even around the burnt pieces.