At this point it seems like maybe we should consider the possibility that someone ripped a tear in the time-space continuum or accidentally opened a portal to another dimension or unwittingly released an evil spirit from a haunted jewelry box or SOMETHING, because what. is. happening. in. the world. right. now.
It's total chaos out there!
Of course there's the big things like the pandemic and our ludicrous political situation, but there's also small-scale chaos all around us too. Like a video of a flooding hotel that has descended into complete madness and has the entire internet screaming, "What is HAPPENING‽‽"
The video hit the internet a couple days ago and it's safe to say it's never been the same. How to even describe it?
Just watch it and see for yourself. *Warning: NSFW language ahoy!
This clip I posted yesterday has been going viral all over FB & IG. I just happened to be walking by and caught thi… https://t.co/ZfoH1KI8Xi— Prophet Amen Ra - 預言者アーメン-ラー (@Prophet Amen Ra - 預言者アーメン-ラー)1586146418.0
Have you ever in all your days?
How many questions do you have? About nine million or so? Literally nothing in this video makes sense.
Let's start at the very beginning: Why is our hero already wet.
As our valiant narrator tells us before things go extremely sideways:
"And this [guy] come out soaking wet."
What does our hero know and when did he know it‽‽
And speaking of:
Why this? Why, when there are stairs? Why???
Again, we refer you to our narrator:
"Woah woah, whatcha doin' punk?"
But it's the aftermath of the jump where the real mysteries come forth. Like for instance, how, in the name of all that is holy, did our hero jump from a second story onto the roof of a car, slip, break a hole through the windshield with his butt, slide off the hood and crash onto the pavement on his back, and yet still be able to jump up and stroll away casual as anything?
There's only one answer and it is that he is a warlock.
If you'd just somehow flooded an entire hotel and then jumped from a second-story balcony onto another person's car which you've now ruined and lived to be able to saunter away from it all while everyone else was panicking, would you stick around? Or would you get the ever-loving you-know-what out of there?
Well, our warlock chose to just have a seat and kick it.
Literally nothing makes sense about him.
But perhaps the biggest mystery in this video comes not from our warlock, or the flood, but rather from this eight-year-old girl who is for some reason baroquely, ear-splittingly invested in a late model Nissan Murano.
"THAT'S MY CAR" she shrieks again and again from the depths of her very soul and it's like, no offense but:
- A: No it's not, you're nine.
- B: Have you as a grown adult with grown adult stakes ever cared this much about a car?
It bears repeating, nothing in this video makes sense and we are all this hotel maid peering past the drapes hoping for a single solitary answer that offers even an iota of clarity.
In any case, as you might suppose, the internet fully lost its mind over this video.
@LukeMones Total carnage. Somebody did something here and it’s impossible to know what or who and I’m crying— w e l l - l i k e d (@w e l l - l i k e d)1586218405.0
@Deethebestemcee @chanelwestcoast @robdyrdek @Ridiculousness @SteeloBrim @MTV @Complex @WORLDSTAR WHY DOES HE JUMP… https://t.co/Rh8ZWhjLz9— سمر افتخار (@سمر افتخار)1586218559.0
@VarsityBroadd @Deethebestemcee @chanelwestcoast @robdyrdek @Ridiculousness @SteeloBrim @MTV @Complex @WORLDSTAR https://t.co/gws3tzSGCt— Marleigh Elise 🌸🕊️🛡️🌪️ (@Marleigh Elise 🌸🕊️🛡️🌪️)1586284047.0
@ManyCoyote @Deethebestemcee @chanelwestcoast @robdyrdek @Ridiculousness @SteeloBrim @MTV @Complex @WORLDSTAR What… https://t.co/IDFdHNPLAD— Jon Chaiim McConnell (@Jon Chaiim McConnell)1586223237.0
@Deethebestemcee @chanelwestcoast @robdyrdek @Ridiculousness @SteeloBrim @MTV @Complex @WORLDSTAR That little girl… https://t.co/wD4zBsZOkw— Stay the Fuck Home (@Stay the Fuck Home)1586219902.0
@netw3rk THATS MY CAR https://t.co/RhtB9alcqD— Seltzer Papi (@Seltzer Papi)1586265088.0
@slideearound He tired of it 💀💀💀 https://t.co/WAReKm9UVt— 💳💨 (@💳💨)1586215177.0
I have watched this video 500x. Every still frame is the best comedy I’ve seen in 2020 https://t.co/9vyyhUg5RP— ☕netw3rk (@☕netw3rk)1586260709.0
@CassiaL @Deethebestemcee @chanelwestcoast @robdyrdek @Ridiculousness @SteeloBrim @MTV @Complex @WORLDSTAR why what… https://t.co/mBs0ArBLD3— Tracy Thomas-Creator& Host "greenTHINK" Radio (@Tracy Thomas-Creator& Host "greenTHINK" Radio)1586213840.0
@Deethebestemcee @chanelwestcoast @robdyrdek @Ridiculousness @SteeloBrim @MTV @Complex @WORLDSTAR He slid off that… https://t.co/JhEYkSjbqN— RiiA🌹 (@RiiA🌹)1586147514.0
@LukeMones Why the thumbs up though 😭😭😭 https://t.co/qxr4ruaIOk— her crime? karen too much (@her crime? karen too much)1586223090.0
@LukeMones this lil american girl doll really put her vocal chords THROUGH it henny https://t.co/zywHkCrvjT— emily block (@emily block)1586218424.0
@LukeMones the art the artist https://t.co/7jZxHJ6wfZ— Hudson Wagner (@Hudson Wagner)1586222419.0
No word as yet on what happened next, how this all ended, or what in God's name is even happening in the first place.
But we'll keep our eyes peeled for the movie adaptation.