When we come out of an argument, especially during tense times like these, it may make total sense to take the petty route.
But the best course of action may not be to take away your girlfriend's favorite form of entertainment.
A woman posted on the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA)subReddit, stating that she and her girlfriend, who have lived together for four years, rarely argue, unless it has something to do with the TV.
In true "What's a gal to do?" fashion, Reddit user "LittleWaterPig1" asked if she would be in the wrong—asking "Would I Be The A**hole" (WIBTA) on the AITA subReddit by mistake—for taking away the conflict all together: that is, Netflix.
She owned from the beginning that what she was going to suggest might not be the best idea.
"This sounds petty, and it probably is petty, but I'm super fed up. My girlfriend (40F[emale]) and I (33F) have been living together for about 4 years. We split bills, rent, utilities etc equally. I have paid for Netflix for longer than we've been together; we share the account with my mum and sister."
Then she shared a little background on the root of the conflict.
"We almost never argue, except over the television. It is rare but when it happens I get super angry and here's why:"
"I don't watch a lot of TV; gf watches pretty much everything. Most of what she watches doesn't interest me and I usually zone out and read/play on my phone while she watches. When she watches something truly annoying, I may leave and chill in the living room (the TV is in the bedroom)."
"She uses the TV 99% of the time. What shows we watch is about 95% her choice. Most of it is on Netflix. Very rarely do we watch something we are both into."
Then she shared what was bugging her.
"Last night I wanted to watch a movie on Netflix. A fantasy movie that I've seen before (she's never seen it and doesn't want to). We watched about 10 minutes before she started complaining, imitating character's voices badly and basically saying how stupid it was."
"This is usually what happens on the rare occasion I want to watch something she doesn't. It doesn't matter how many times I point out the fact that I never behave the same when the tables are turned (which is most of the time), she behaves the same way."
She finally had enough and left the room and argument behind.
"So in frustration, I switched off the TV and left the room, saying 'Fine, watch whatever you want.' I went to my computer, turned on a series that I've been meaning to watch, and ignored her repeated attempts at apology."
"The reason I ignored her apologies is because she doesn't actually apologise. She just says the same thing, 'Sorry, go ahead and watch your show.' I know from experience that similar (not as pronounced, but similar) petulant behaviour would continue if I did). So I ignored her until she asked why I was being so sulky, it's just TV. I explained that it's because she's selfish, which she took great offense to."
Finally, she shared her big idea.
"I went to bed late, after she had already fallen asleep because I didn't want to argue anymore, but this morning I woke up and it's still eating at me. On a previous occasion, she brought up that she bought the smart TV independently. I did not bring up that I pay for Netflix independently."
"So, WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) if I logged out of Netflix on the smart TV and pretended I had no idea what was the matter with it (she has no tech savvy at all). I know it's extremely petty, so I will take my judgement either way. Thanks for the input."
Many wrote in to say that, yes, this would be the wrong move and could actually damage their relationship.
But some decided to have a little more fun with the idea of not taking the high road this time.
"YTA (You're The A**hole) And I'd definitely do it." - everynameistaken000
"This is the only correct answer. It's immature and won't solve the relationship problems but I would 100% do it." - Stellaaahhhh
"YTA and so am I. Do it, OP. Some fights are worth having" - GR_IPAS
"We really need option like JAH - Justified A**hole. It would make a lot of ratings there easier." - FinitoHere
"SYGTBA-'Sometimes Ya Gotta Be An A**hole.'" - Stellaaahhhh
The Redditor updated her post, stating:
"Thanks for the input, everyone. I think the general consensus is that I WBTA (Would Be The A**hole), so I won't do it."
"I will take some of your suggestions in mind, and I also think I will talk to my therapist about other techniques for managing this specific conflict, as clearly our regular techniques are not working for this situation."
"This is legitimately the only argument we've had over the years that we haven't been able to resolve in an adult manner."
Though a lot of people used the thread as a way to joke around and vent about relationships, the Redditor took the time to figure out what she should do with Netflix and how to approach her girlfriend next.
Hopefully, she will be able to have a reasonable conversation with her after this so they can both get a little more out of their relaxation time together.
The book Communication in Relationships is available here.
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