For awhile I was thinking about becoming a flight attendant. You get to travel and constantly meet new people/and right there, new people, and I was done with that thought. People are crazy, especially now.

When on Qantas...

"A Qantas flight attendant, who moonlighted as a sex worker at a high-end Sydney brothel, had sex with Ralph Fiennes (Voldermort) on an international flight and then bragged to everyone about it. The press got wind of it and made all the papers and nightly news. She was sacked from Qantas, but not the brothel."

"https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/ralph-fiennes-i-was-the-victim/news-story/551550c0c43564fb58e9ed6ff7d8c1ca"

- its-not-me_its-you_

"Fish"

"Relaying a story for a flight attendant friend of mine:"

"We see all sorts of stuff, typical customer service nonsense. I have plenty of stories of people thinking they're being subtle about touching themselves when everyone around knows what's happening. For me, though, the strangest one is when the gate supervisor came up the jetbridge and paged a passenger. The passenger hit his FA call button and we let him come up to the main door. The gate supervisor asked the passenger to describe his suitcase. Then the supervisor asked him what he had in his suitcase."

"Fish."

"Apparently, this guy had packed a bunch of fish he caught into his suitcase. He managed to get it through check-in and even through the TSA screen, but after being bumped and tossed in handling, by the time it got to the plane it was wet and smelly and the baggage loaders refused to put it on the plane (thank God)."

"The gate supervisor had to explain to this guy that everyone is going to be much happier if he gets off the plane and retrieves his suitcase, and even offered him rebooking and a voucher if he would come back without the fish. He deplaned and that's the last I heard of it."

- drsameagle

The Diddlers...

"On Christmas Day we were working the last flight of the night and it was completely full. Every seat. There was a couple in the last row window and aisle seat. He proceeds to diddle her under their coats. We notice but don't make an issue out of it. Well when she's satisfied she proceeded to return the favor for him."

"Once again we notice but don't want to make a big deal out of it. When we land they were the very last two off the airplane and the grizzly senior lady I'm flying with calls out to them as they were about half way down the aisle. "Just so you know… that's crap you pulled doesn't put you in the mile high club… that doesn't count. Merry Christmas."

"They just turned beat red and scampered off the airplane as fast as they could. I looked at her like she was crazy, sure we were about to get fired. She winked at me and said what are they going to do? Write a letter to the company that we called them out for diddling each other on the airplane? We will be fine now come on kid let's go get a Christmas cocktail."

- canthav814

When unwell...

"I did a flight on New Year's Day a fair few years ago. A older gentleman passed out and his wife thought he had died. The other crew all went to assist and there was a doctor onboard luckily. We had to stop the food service while the gentleman was stabilized which took ages. Once he was stable we tried the food service again. However just as we were getting the trolly from the back galley a woman dramatically collapsed in front of it so we had to deal with her."

"We get her stable and back in her seat and then go for the trolly only for her to come back and collapse again in front of the trolly. It was news years day so this woman had partied too hard the night before and was why she felt sick. A crew member from the front comes down and says they had to stop the food service as well because a kid had thrown up all over the front galley and the toilet."

"We also had a parent who kept letting their child press the call bell for fun. I had to explain twice that it was not a toy and to stop lifting your child up to press the button. The paramedics came and the guy was taken to hospital but not before his wife said that the same thing happened on their flight out. Moral of this story is don't fly if you are very unwell and don't fly hungover."

- posh-old-bird

Air baby

"Cousin is a FA. Had a VERY pregnant woman who was en route to deliver at a different hospital in the last 2 weeks of her pregnancy. Unfortunately, her baby wasn't waiting."

"Halfway through the trip, she starts going into labor. They move first class back one row (wasn't full) so they had room. Luckily, the flight had a shock trauma cardiothoracic surgeon and a Navy corpsman on board. She didn't know she was having twins (thought they were obligated to tell you?). One didn't make it. I'm guessing that's why she went into labor."

- tidytibs

That's a whole lot of drama for a few trips in the clouds. And what is the deal with doing it on a plane? Lord, take a deep breath and wait until your destination. Nasty.

Bless You...

"The nicest flight attendant I ever had was the one that put in my grandpa's eyedrops so my grandma didn't have to. Thank you, JetBlue!"

- superdude311

Back in the Day

"My mom used to be a flight attendant in the '80s and '90s. The things she remembers most are 1) how frequently flights used have to make emergency landings for passengers who had anaphylactic reactions from people eating peanuts or seafood near them."

"2) the time she was put in charge of an unaccompanied minor and ended up having to spend 4 days with the child in a crew hotel, because the child got kicked off the plane for refusing to stop painting her nails and making the cabin stink of fumes."

- TerrorOfTrinity

Just Do It

"Former flight attendant here. Funniest story always is people who are joining the mile high club. You are absolutely allowed to have sex in a lavatory and we won't stop you. People slinking out of the bathroom with crap eating grins and red faces was always hilarious."

- TJeffersonsBlackKid

Ice Ice Baby...

"My aunt used to be a flight attendant for the airline that is now United. Anyway, she went through CPR training and the basics of helping someone via first aid in case of emergency. On one flight, a baby was choking on an ice cube and she got the cube out of its throat and saved the babies life. So the way she saved the baby putting the baby into her arm (baby facing down) and with her other arm she firmly hit the babies back and the force of the hit ejected the ice cube from the baby's throat."

- theemptyqueue

Seriously?

"Man urinated on fellow passenger for not letting him smoke."

- StrikrAndo

Humanity has gone mad; between urinating smokers and people who have to be duct taped to seats, chaos reigns. Thank you sky warriors. You have my gratitude. God speed and good journey!!!