Doctors Describe Which Patients' Reactions To Bad News Stuck With Them The Longest

We're grateful for our doctors, who work around the clock to treat many patients with care and compassion and inevitably save lives.

They are our heroes. The stress and anxiety they must endure when dealing with wide-ranging medical trauma is unfathomable, and they are masters at internalizing distressing emotions to ensure calm for themselves and their patients mutually.

However, medical professionals inevitably have the difficult challenge of having to disclose a grave diagnosis, and it's more common than not.

Curious to hear examples of this scenario, Redditor cyborg_pasta asked:

"Doctors who had to break the news, what was a reaction that stuck with you the most?"

Doctors are used to this, but it doesn't mean it gets easier.

A Young Mother

"I have to give pretty bad news on a frequent basis. Most people know it’s coming."

"My last week in residency I had to tell a mother that her daughter was going to die. She came in talking the night before and had surgery for a life-threatening problem, but we thought she would make it after."

"Halfway through the day, her vitals and labs took a nose dive, and it was obvious that our efforts had only temporized her, but we lost. She was intubated and peaceful, but she was young and had two small kids."

"We have all seen the TV drama style screams, pounding on the table, begging for someone to do something, sobbing… when it’s real it’s so much harder."

"Her mom was crying on the floor asking me to take her organs to save her daughter. I’m not emotional, but that day wrecked me. I went to the bar after with my attending, and we didn’t talk. I try not to think about it."

– chimmy43

The Look On Their Faces Stays With You

"I have had several similar times sharing bad news to parents. The pain in their faces gets burned into your memory. Especially now that I have kids."

"You know also killed me? I had a similar case where a young patient was almost turning around, then started to tank and was clearly going to die. I sat down to talk to Mom and explained everything."

"She understood, looked at me, saw the tears in my eyes I was barely holding back, hugged me, thanked me for everything, and told me it's ok. That gesture in what had to be the worst moment of her life was unbelievable."

"I held it together in the room then lost it once i had a moment."

– lungman925

The Bleakest Christmas

"I'm not a doctor but a nurse, and my first xmas day working after graduating i had to pronounce someone at their home after a nasty fight with cancer."

"Their face in death will stay with me forever. that was the hardest xmas i have ever had, but every one since has also sucked because i still see their face when i wake up on xmas."

"i also honour their death by rereading their obit and wish them peace on that day every year."

– MaxFourr

Brother Left Behind

"ER doc. I just had a young lady die of a drug overdose. She was only 22. Her brother came as we were coding her (chest compressions). We had done everything and there was no bringing her back. I asked if he wanted to be in the room when we stopped and he said yes. His reaction was heartbreaking."

"He screamed and cried and then picked up her body and whispered in her ear 'I love you so much. You’re my best friend.' And just held her and kept saying I love you. All the staff had to take a moment after that."

"I’ve done this 8 years and that was one of the saddest, most heart breaking things I’ve ever seen. I’ll never forget them."

– Creative_username29

In Sickness And In Health

"Delivered news to an older patient that her liver cancer was not operable and not eligible for locoregional radiation or even palliative chemotherapy because of how far gone her liver function was. There were simply no more options. Her husband was with her in the room when our team delivered the news."

"As soon as we said our part. The two of them just held hands, rested their heads on each others, and they started crying. At that moment, I didn't even see them anymore, I saw myself and my wife. I barely held it together in that room."

"I still don't know how I made it the rest of the day without breaking down. As soon as I got home, my wife wasn't home yet but I badly wanted to see her. I just sat and cried for a while after that."

– Southern_sky

Managing To Move On

"First year of being a doctor, a patient had an abrupt (/very unexpected) code and died shortly after we had just discussed starting a new round of chemo the next day. Fully laughing and just hanging out with his family in the room not 30 minutes before he passed. It was the kind of experience that shakes you makes you consider leaving medicine because you do not know if you will ever trust yourself again."

"I lost it and spent 15 minutes ugly crying in a stairwell before I could bring myself to go to the family waiting room and tell them. But when I got there, they said they figured out what had happened. They were sad, but thanked me for at least making his last day a happy one and hugged me."

"I slept on the floor that night out of exhaustion. Their reaction is the only reason I was able to peel myself up in the morning and get back to work. It has been years but I will never ever forget it or him."

– ladiesandedelman_

The pain of losing a child is immeasurable.

The Wailing

"I'm a nurse, and I've worked in both adult and pediatric units. It's more heart crushing in peds. I've had to go out of rooms a few times because I couldn't take the agonising wails of parents"

– gelyadc

The Coping Mechanism

"Worked in peds and oncology."

"There's definitely been a few days where we've taken some containers of cavity wipes into an empty room and just curb stomped, punched, and shredded the containers and cried. Cleaned up, straightened our scrubs, then went back to it."

"It's definitely not the most healthy coping mechanism, but it helped get through the overwhelming emotions we'd have for people who needed us to be strong for them."

– zotzenthusiast

Some Cases Just Stay With You

"Telling a very young patient that their cancer which was assumed to be curable through surgery, was in fact not so because it had spread to the brain."

"It was a rare cancer. That rarely spreads, that rarely affects younger people."

"Some people get all the terrible luck in the world."

"The patient was remarkably stoic."

"But one of the parents lost it. The tears, wailing, pleading and breakdown isn't anything I'll forget. The rage against the system, the accusations i must be wrong and then the pleading and tears again."

"I think it's the fact I took their hope away from them. There is no happy ending to this story, but I'm the one who had to tell them."

"Years later, i can still see their face and grief. It's burnt into my damn memory, and it took a while to accept that perhaps trying so hard to forget would disrespect the patient's memory."

"I'm trained to deliver bad news and do it regularly. This one remains one of the only times where a case utterly emotionally broke me, and my supervisor saw my reaction and sent me home and told the department I'd be off for a few days."

"There are always 'those' cases that stick with you forever."

"Cest la vie."

– hungryukmedic

The Young Hospital Tenant

"I'm a nurse too, and 'my patient' (you know that one that will stay with you forever) was a 6-year-old who had lived her life with us on our ward due to severe congenital heart disease. We all knew she was slowly dying, she didn't have a mum just a dad and rest of her family were us, her medical team."

"Because she'd never gone to school or nursery or lived a life outside of the hospital really. When she died we all went to the funeral, her consultant/attending and a bunch of nurses. I'll never forget the dance parties and general mischief we got up to with that kid on the ward."

– tickado

And sometimes, things turn around.

Positive Status

"I worked in an internal medicine office and had to tell a patient that his HIV test came back positive. I asked the medical assistant to come get me as soon as he was checked in for his appointment so he would not have to wait very long for me in the exam room. I opened the door and he smiled and said, 'I think I know what you’re going to tell me.' I nodded my head yes and he put his arms out to be hugged. He cried and we hugged."

"That was in 2016. I’ve retired from the clinic since then. He connected with me on social media. His viral load is undetectable, and he has a new job that he loves!"

– WasteRadio

These medical experts who use terminology most of us don't comprehend and perform miraculous feats to save so many lives are viewed as superheroes when things are in favor of a patient.

But let's never take for granted that they are people, too, and are capable of feeling the same emotional trauma we may experience.

Just because we don't see it doesn't mean they are callous or unfeeling when they have the unenviable task of delivering the worst news to patients.