Mothers and daughters don't always have picture-perfect relationships, but one mom has taken dysfunction to a whole new level.
A newly-pregnant woman went on Reddit to vent about her mom. It seems the poster is eight weeks pregnant with her second child and when she made the announcement to her mother, her mom managed to turn her joyous moment into a sour one. She posted about her experience in the subreddit r/BabyBumps.
The poster explains that the two aren't close. She begins with the title:
"Bummed because my mom made my announcement about herself. And my body."
It becomes clear why, in short order, as she goes on to write:
"I am not close to my mom - perhaps you're about to see why - but I wanted to tell her and my dad about this pregnancy (my second) over Christmas. So I kept it low-key and told them, at which point, my mom said, "I knew it!"
"Y'all, I gave her so many outs. I was like, "Oh, because I took a two-hour nap today?" No. "Because I haven't touched any booze this whole evening?" No, not that. "Because I barely ate any food?" Nope. She had so many choices."
"Instead, she said, 'I was looking at your body at Thanksgiving and saw how it had changed!' Except: I am 8 weeks along. I didn't take my pregnancy test until the Sunday after Thanksgiving, so there's no way I was showing three days before that. In fact, I've been working out a bunch lately and am in comparatively great shape."
"So: eff you, mom. I was feeling great about my body and my pregnancy, and now I just feel like a body you can critique. I spent the rest of the evening crying quietly, because you can't tell her she's hurt your feelings because then SHE gets offended."
As shocking as it seems, apparently it isn't shocking at all.
Many women could relate — and they did.
"Congratulations on your baby!! How exciting!"
"Moms, man. So sorry. I have always either been too skinny or too fat. She'd call me crying saying 'you're anorexic, you won't be able to have babies' 'men like a little meat on their woman' then when I got older and little heavier, 'you better start watching what you eat'.
"She'd do it with makeup, 'you just look so much prettier when you have your eyes all done up' or 'you better where sunscreen, your freckles are looking dark'. No mom actually I just don't have any makeup on hiding my freckles. This is just how my skin is. 'It would be so nice if you could just get that mole removed from your cheek' 'nice for who? You?'"
"Lol I could go on and on unfortunately. She has done it to me since i was a child."
"Sorry my body offends you so badly. Please stop placing your insecurities on me. Or just stop looking at me if I am really that disgusting/gross. You'd think I was the ugliest person after reading this but I don't think I am :) I am just fine how I am."
"Ugh... it's like we have the same mom. Prior to pregnancy, my weight had stayed roughly the same since college, but I was always too skinny or too fat. I'm already 29 weeks, but I live 2000 miles away and don't talk to her so she still doesn't know I'm pregnant yet. I'm already going through enough with my body changes, I don't need her making me feel self-conscious or worse about myself."
"Ugh, family members can be the absolute worst sometimes. I'm dreading my stepmother finding out we're having a girl because for the last three months all I've heard from her is 'you're having a girl because your face is fat' and 'you're having a girl because she's stealing your beauty.' First of all, you gold-digging Russian hag, there isn't a finite amount of beauty to be shared between my daughter and I (no matter how hard you try to compete with your daughters,) secondly the only person whose opinion of my appearance I could give a wet fart for is my husband and he thinks I'm prettier than I've ever been, bump and all, and thirdly both my doctor and I are a little worried about how I started out underweight and haven't gained as much as I should so you can stuff your anorexic ramblings right up your ass and leave them there until they rot."
"Sometimes I wish I could just skip right to the baby part with my family (husband's family is awesome right down to loving pink but appreciating our desire to stay gender neutral and primary colors so we won't have to restock everything if the next one is a boy.) But then I remember that her solution to everything is vodka, she thinks you can spoil a newborn by holding it, and she's a big advocate for blanket training. There's just no winning with some people..."
Some had a theory on why this is.
"I have a theory that the women (it's ALWAYS women) who say stuff like this are trying to compensate for their own feelings about their body during their pregnancy. My sis just told her husband's family, and her MIL's reaction was 'I knew it--you've gained weight!' My sister is 6 weeks along and has actually lost weight, but try telling that to her MIL. My sis was really upset, until I pointed out that her MIL had actually told me about how she'd gained like 60+ pounds with her pregnancy, and so I think MIL was compensating for her own feelings and trying to make herself feel like it's normal for everyone to gain 60+ pounds during pregnancy. Seriously, the only women I've heard about who say stuff like that usually have their own issues with their weight (or did during their pregnancy)... it's never women who were comfortable with their own weight gain who make those comments. Ever. Which, at the end of the day, means that these comments were about HER and HER INSECURITIES, not you or any issues with your own body."
"I'm sorry she ruined your announcement--but you know we're all really genuinely happy for you here, and I'm guessing 99% of people in your life will be appropriately excited and happy for you!"
Even grandmothers are getting in on the body shaming.
"Yupppp. I announced my pregnancy yesterday and my step grandmother (who is vain af, personal trainer, fake boobs, never had kids, etc.) said as she grabs her chest, 'oh well, at least now you have big boobs. All you always ever wanted was boobs. Always saying how small your boobs were.' Erm no? I never said that to you, ever? It was only the second time she ever met my fiance. It was weird."
Maybe folks should stick with a simple...
... and then zippa the lippa.