Divorce can be hard on the whole family, and cause rifts between parents and their children depending on who ends up living with whom.
Many people probably wouldn't expect that to still be a problem 13 years after the fact, especially with something as important as wedding planning, however.
Unfortunately for one Reddit user, his children (and his ex-wife) apparently haven't gotten over the fact that he remarried 8 years ago.
Reddit user QuirkyGap6 asked:
"AITA (Am I The A**hole) to tell my daughters I won't attend their weddings if they continue to snub my wife to protect their mom's feelings?"
The backstory seems pretty important here, and QuirkyGap6 doesn't disappoint.
"My two younger daughters (27 and 30) are both getting married next year. Their mother and I divorced 13 years ago. It was a bad breakup when I caught her in an affair but she didn't want to divorce. Anyways, I've remarried to my current wife for 8 years now and we're very happy to have found each other."
Now, on to the problem at hand.
"The issue: when my oldest daughter got married, my wife wasn't invited to spare my ex-wife's feelings. She struggled to recover from the split and never remarried nor dated."
"We're now on amicable terms but she still tries to 'rekindle' things even though I've shut her down too many times to count. Regardless, for my oldest's wedding my wife stayed home to keep the peace."
Unfortunately, it seems like the kids expect their stepmom to continue to miss out just to appease their mother.
"Now my younger daughters want to do the same thing this time and exclude my wife in rather rude ways. I told them early on that I would like to bring my wife of nearly a decade since I'm paying for both of their weddings."
Bankrolling their weddings apparently wasn't enough, though.
"But we just received news that my wife will be told to stay home yet again. I told my daughters this won't work for me this time and I can't allow them to snub my wife like this after so many years."
Understandable, given the circumstances.
Eight years is plenty of time to accept that someone has moved on.
"My daughters see this as me choosing my wife over them but I completely disagree. I just think they've got no real reason to exclude my wife at this point after 8 years of marriage. They say it's because my ex wife will get sad and surly seeing us together, but it's been 13 years since we divorced."
QuirkyGap6 finished with a final heartfelt plea for advice.
"AITA to tell them that they shouldn't be excluding my wife and if they do I can choose not to attend?"
An overwhelming majority of Redditors felt that QuirkyGap6 was totally in the right to refuse to attend.
"NTA (Not The A**hole). It's been 8 years for your marriage, the divorce was 13 years ago, and your daughters are adults. They might be your children but they're not actual children and shouldn't behave as such."
"The only hiccup is that you acquiesced for the first daughter, which set a precedent. You aren't choosing your wife over them, they're choosing their mother over you." -teke367
"NTA. Your ex-wife is though, as I'm guessing she's causing all the drama." -ItsGoodToChalk
"NTA. Your kids are a**holes. It's not you choosing between them and your wife. They are choosing your ex-wife over you. Ex-wife can pay for their weddings too. Normally I would ask if this is worth straining the relationship with your kids but it looks like they have done enough of the straining already if they repeatedly excluded your wife of 10 years in such a huge way. They themselves are getting married, so I hope they understand that you and your wife are a unit and can be respectful of that." -namieamie
"NTA. I sympathize with your daughters for being caught in this position, but your wife of eight years should not have to keep pretending she doesn't exist at family celebrations because their mother refuses to move on. If they'd rather stick with this plan than hold the line with Mom that it's on her to find a way to deal this time (which they likely will, if only because you're easier to deal with), that's unfortunate, but it's okay for you to give them your best wishes and stay home." -mm172
Many pointed out the issues with QuirkyGap6 footing the bill for weddings that his wife isn't even invited to.
"NTA. So your daughters want to protect the feelings of the woman who cheated on you and realistically broke up your marriage? While also snubbing the wife of the man paying for their weddings? Yeah massive NTA. I think it's time they pay for their own weddings if they care so little for your feelings and happiness." -Dangerfyeld
"NTA, you shouldn't pay for their weddings if they treat your wife like this. I imagine your ex wife has been slandering your wife to them, probably saying you'd be together again if it wasn't for her." -AprilApricot
"NTA. Have you paid for the wedding yet? like more than deposits. because honestly you are not paying for the wedding you are your wife are paying for the wedding. Tell her if your wife cannot attend all financial help for the wedding is stopping now and you are going to request refunds for everything you have put out on anything you can that is refundable." -Minalexiss
"NTA Most married couples share finances so this means that your wife is also paying for the wedding. To exclude her from a wedding she is paying for is hideous. I wouldn't pay for their weddings if she isn't invited." -yosarianmarx
"NTA Also why are you fully paying for the weddings? People these days usually pay for their own and the parents pitch in some. I'd make it clear they can't have bank of dad while dictating your life. Your ex sounds manipulative." -Tapioca44
The general consensus seemed to be that QuirkyGap6's wife and daughters were all grown adults and should be able to accept the fact that he remarried and that his wife is an important part of his life.
Refusing to attend a wedding that a current spouse is being intentionally excluded from just to make an ex feel better seemed perfectly reasonable to Reddit.
The book The Single Girl's Guide to Marrying a Man, His Kids, and His Ex-Wife: Becoming A Stepmother With Humor And Grace is available here.
