People Share Things Their Partner Told Them That Changed The Way They Saw Them

Actions may speak louder than words, but that is not to say that words do not carry power.

In a single moment, how we feel about someone can totally change because of something surprising they have said.

What they said could turn them into someone totally undateable, or it could make them the most attractive person we've ever met. Only time, and listening, will tell.

Redditor Expensive_Adagio6607 asked:

"What's something your partner or ex-partner has told you that changed the way you look at them?"

How They Treat Service Providers

"Not gonna lie, one time my ex straight-up told me he didn't actually believe in tipping servers because 'they should find better jobs.'"

"After that, I just couldn't see him the same way."

- BabyyChloee

Not A Flex

"My boyfriend at the time proudly declared that he'd never read a book cover to cover. He was 27."

- dixlapped

"That's... not the flex he thinks it is."

- Boogzcarp

"Even in school?! Like, isn't reading one of the things we usually do when we're kids, or like a test on a book you read in class? Never, one one? That's alarming."

- WafWouf

Ableism Revealed

"The moment she dismissed my anxiety as just an ‘excuse for being lazy,' it was like a switch flipped in my brain."

"I had been dealing with panic attacks and struggling to explain what life with anxiety really felt like. Then she just reduced it all to laziness."

"That’s when I knew she would never understand the battles I fight inside my own head. It wasn’t just unsupportive, it was invalidating my entire experience. Trust me, I wasn’t looking for sympathy, just a little empathy."

"It was a sobering reminder that not everyone can walk a mile in another’s shoes, nor even take a single step, and that was a deal-breaker for me."

- GeorgiaLaughs

Purely Transactional

"My soon-to-be ex-husband has said a lot of things that made me change how I see him, but I think the one that really did it was when he told me 'I don't love you, I only married you for your passport, and I want a divorce.'"

"He was drunk and, to this day, claims he just wanted to be nasty and didn't mean it... but that's a line you don't cross."

- Burtonish

"That's an awful thing to say. But that he thinks 'I was drunk and wanted to be nasty' is an EXCUSE and not a massive red flag of its own?? Ooooof. I'm sorry. You don't deserve that."

- secamTO

A Jealous Heart

"An old ex got unreasonably upset at me when I was late coming over after work because I helped a female coworker put her spare tire on."

"We were the only people there, and she didn't know how. She otherwise would have been stranded. When I saw that lack of empathy for another person, I was out of there."

- landlockedyeti

"She thought you were cheating."

- FBI-AGENT-013

"You're right, but there were literally pictures of me changing the tire, lol (laughing out loud)."

- landlockedyeti

"Dang. That's messed up. She also not justified to think that you're cheating, it's just the common one thing everybody thinks so it's actually wise for you to take photos. Sounds like you dodged a very insecure and jealous bullet."

- FBI-AGENT-013

"Yup, you're right, and I did dodge a bullet! My now-wife coached her for a year and had nothing but bad things to say about her (she didn't know we had dated), and now looking back on it, it's hilarious that I ever would have dated her."

- landlockedyeti

"If I Can't Have A Job, No One Can!"

"Well, after he drank too much again, and was late to work again, and pitched a tantrum because it was all my fault apparently, he said that if he got fired, he would call my boss and get me fired."

"Yup, that was it. I never talked to him again after I shuffled him out of MY house."

"He was the only s**tty boyfriend I ever had, but he was a doozy!"

- BnCtrKiki

No Respect

"My ex was feeling under the weather and was telling me he needed to get over the counter medication and he had no idea what to get."

"I was a nurse and recommended something, including how and when he should take it."

"He scoffed, 'You’re a nurse, a doctor’s assistant. You’re not even a pharmacist.'"

"I realized he didn’t respect me, or nurses, at all. We broke up a month after."

- luckygreenleaves

"Ugh. That one hit. My ex scoffed and rolled his eyes and said, 'No, I mean a real job,' when I said being an administrative assistant/executive assistant was a career."

"I said, 'Who do you think does all the work?'"

"That was the least of the s**tty things he said to me but it was the first and I wish I had known that minute to leave. Lesson learned."

- UpstairsTomato3231

A Lack Of Accountability

"My ex once casually mentioned that they 'don’t believe in apologizing' because they 'never do anything wrong.' That one sentence changed everything. I realized I’d never get accountability or real empathy from them."

- Outside-Flow-9510

"Yeah, I am currently separated from my wife of 18 years (a 21-year relationship) because she refuses to apologize."

"I discovered she cheated through texts I found where she was describing everything in detail to her best friend. It never escalated beyond one or two instances of kissing, I’m pretty sure, but then other dude backed out after because he felt guilty for cheating on his wife."

"The fact that she refuses to apologize because she doesn’t believe she did anything wrong boggles my mind and I feel is way more disrespectful than the actual cheating."

- cracker707

"Justified" Cheating

"They said I deserved to be cheated on. This was after we'd had a very long and VERY in-depth conversation regarding my concerns for how close they were growing with my best friend at the time."

- localwageslave

"I'm so sorry. I had an ex tell me that, too."

"I honestly regret not breaking up with him then and there. What a waste of time that clown was."

- izzy_e

Holiday Heart

"I started dating my boyfriend four months ago, but it got pretty serious pretty fast. I am traveling across the country to see my family for the holidays and have mentioned how much I would love for him to join us."

" He just celebrates with friends so I didn’t think it would be a huge deal for him to miss a year. He dodged the question the first time it came up but told me last week, 'I really want to, but if I go with you for Thanksgiving, Steve won’t have anyone to celebrate with.'"

"Steve is his 70-year-old coworker. My boyfriend has had him over for Thanksgiving for the last seven years because he doesn’t have family to spend it with, and he cannot bear the thought of leaving him here to celebrate alone."

"I have always admired my boyfriend’s commitment to the village he has made for himself but that conversation really put it into perspective for me. I have a feeling he won’t be coming to my family’s Thanksgiving for as long as Steve is around… and honestly, I love and admire him so, so much for it. He is such an incredible person."

- NurseryManager

The Best Kind Of "Karen"

"For me, I guess it’s more confirmed than changed. My husband and I were at an amusement park recently with friends and their eight-year-old daughter who had gone through cancer treatment."

"She got on a daring ride that did loops and they told her she had to get off, even if she took off her prosthetic."

"She just looked at her parents and said, 'Does this mean I can never go on upside-down rides?' They didn’t know what to do."

"My husband said, 'F**k this, I’m not going to let her think that, time to be a 'Karen.'' And he looked up the ADA and safety regulations on his phone, talked to every manager at the park, and then, even though he gets extremely motion sick, rode the ride with her after they agreed it actually was safe for her to do it."

"It was the sexiest thing I have ever seen a person do."

- Raginghangers

Kindness Goes A Long Way

"My ex once acknowledged that they never expected to find someone who accepted them for who they are. That changed my perspective on them, and it brought us closer together and taught me the value of kindness."

- JenBro1978

"I'm with a new partner. We've only been together maybe 3-4 months, but everything's going really well."

"She told me yesterday that she's never felt as attractive before in her life as I make her feel. And of course that made me incredibly happy... but also kinda sad?"

"She's absolutely gorgeous, and one of the most generous people I've ever been with (even accounting for the fact that I know we're still very much in the honeymoon phase), and it makes me sad to think that neither her family nor her previous boyfriends have made her feel like what she just effortlessly is."

- secamTO

So Wholesome

"He said to me, 'I love that you don't need me to feel entire.' This impacted me hard since it was the first time I felt understood and supported in my independence."

- Lucyymonn

What's In A Name?

"Before we got married my MIL was making oblique comments about changing my last name to my husband's."

"We had talked about it, and I was leaning toward keeping my maiden name due to sheer laziness. His parents are pushy and can be weird about this sort of thing so the prodding was getting annoying and my husband noticed."

"He told his mom, 'I fell in love with FirstName - MaidenName, I don't have any idea who FirstName-HisLastName is, I'm marrying the woman I fell in love with.'"

"When I tell you that I SWOONED. I wasn't expecting a declaration, and it was so validating, supportive, and just generally gave me this overwhelming feeling of, 'D**n, I loved this guy before but he SEES me!' It made me feel like a partner, an equal, like my agency was the most important thing to him and that he would actively protect and advocate for it in the marriage..."

"From then on, I had strong feelings about keeping my name and even stronger feelings for him. It was a small thing, but hearing how he considered me in that moment was the most attractive thing he's ever done, and he's lived up to that standard since. And it's also been an inspiration for me to meet him at that high bar, as well."

- Angsty_Potatoes

A New Perspective

"She said, 'You need glasses.'"

"She was right. She looks so much clearer now!"

- My1stWifeWasWife

"I got my first distance glasses a couple of years ago, and at the optician, as I put them on and looked out of the window, I said something like, 'I don’t think these are going to make much difference because my eyesight is still pretty - OH MY GOD!'"

"I had forgotten that I used to be able to see distant things pin-sharp."

- BiggestFlower

It's no surprise that these were moments that changed these Redditors' relationships. While some were serious red flags, others intensified the good things they already saw in the person.

What all of these incidents have in common is the time that has passed. While there are many conversations in a lifetime that we will forget, these are the types of moments that will last.