As negative as we might be, most of us like to imagine the best of most people.
That leads a lot of us to spend more time in rocky relationships and terrible friendships than we should, simply because we hope that things will turn out alright. But they hardly ever do.
Bracing themselves, Redditor loxomednurmusci asked:
"What's a red flag that people typically ignore when dating?"
Selectively Rude
"When they are rude to everyone but you, big red flag."
- BananaBurgers98
"I can't count how many friends I've seen with douchenozzle significant others because they're SO enamored by being the 'special' one who gets treated decently."
"Show me how you treat people who don't represent overt value to you and I'll show you what kind of person you actually are."
- VladSquirrelCrisp
Being Emotionally Invested
"If the other person doesn’t exhibit some level of curiosity about you."
"When there’s chemistry, you want to know more about the other person because you find them interesting."
"If you find yourself carrying the conversation, trying to learn about the other person, but they show no interest in learning about you, then it’s a sure sign that there’s no compatibility."
"Don’t take it personally. No one can be everyone’s cup of tea and it’s better to know that from the beginning."
- Ordinary-Grade-5427
Too Much Connection?
"Possessiveness."
"To some degree, your partner being possessive is cute because it makes you feel desired, but what many people fail to realize is sometimes it gets too toxic to the level of doubt, and that's never good because trust is important in a relationship."
- Key_Worldliness1614
Lack of Accountability
"Little care when in the wrong, never showing any accountability for basically anything."
- ConsciousPriority834
"I was once on a lunch date with a guy who made an incredibly minor mistake: ordering something off the menu without noticing it was in the 'after 4:00 PM' section, and spent ten minutes angrily explaining why it wasn't his fault."
"Yikes. No second date. I would have ended that date early if I hadn't been worried he'd follow me to the parking lot to argue."
- Preposterous_punk
Emotionally Unavailable
"Emotional unavailability."
- Distinct-Solution-99
"From the get-go, too. Like why are you choosing to invite people into your life if you’re going to shut them down? Some people just enjoy the attention and not the connection."
- Known-Explorer2610
From the Outside In
"Mistaking outer beauty for inner beauty..."
- _InnocentToto_
"One good conversation is enough to change my opinion of someone's desirability. I've had hard reversals both ways."
- Rob_LeMatic
Financial Incompatibility
"If you are not on the same page with money, this leads to a lot of problems should the relationship get serious."
- crazycatlady111
"I think that goes for a lot of things, so just general compatibility. For a long-term relationship to be successful, you really need to have the same life path in mind and the same general life goals."
"You absolutely have to be on the same page about so many things: money, sex, children, religion, your involvement with your respective families, etc."
"It's really hard to keep your relationship going if you majorly disagree on any of those things."
- SweetIcedTea73
No Burners
"If he has a burner phone, run."
- ronburgundywithballs
"Yeah, he might be the lead in 'Better Call Saul.'"
- goodestguy21
Making Exes Out To Be Monsters
"When they s**t-talk every ex."
- 0Helpful-Candy0
"Including the other person’s. For one of the worst people I dated every one of my exes lived in her head rent-free and were clearly horrible monsters (most of them weren’t). That was exhausting."
- Wyrd-Harper
Love Is Blind
"Love is blind. So blind, that people are often willing to overlook small differences in values and/or needs because it might not matter much at the beginning of a relationship and see it as a 'necessary compromise and love will conquer all,' but oftentimes those little differences will become huge problems later in the relationship (most often when children become part of the equation)."
- U2Ursula
Comparison Contests
"Constantly asking your partner if they find random people in public or on TV attractive. In my experience, when they’re asking this, there is no right answer."
"Every once in a while is one thing, but if you find yourself walking around looking at your feet all the time, there might be an issue."
- Cheese_Pancakes
No Love Triangles
"If they even hint of a third party that is interested in them, don't get caught up in that love triangle shenanigans."
- Dayzlikethis
No Love Bombing Allowed
"Love bombing! Learn to identify it and then DON’T ignore it. It’s not love; it’s a con."
- lil-ms-lila
"I met a guy on a Saturday, we started texting over the next couple of days. Before getting together again the following weekend, he was already making plans to move in together. I canceled our official first date immediately."
- Quick-Effective7476
The Common Denominator
"Constantly complaining about the people around them. Their family, friends, exes, customer service workers, etc."
"You’ll be on that list too. This person is a perpetuated self-identified victim and is 100% going to use it for manipulation and abuse. They are the common denominator to ALL of their problems."
"Just to clarify, some people will complain for real reasons and even though being negative all the time sucks, I’m saying watch out for the extreme cases. It’s all they focus on, it’s almost everyone they come in contact with, and they just don’t understand why or how they deserve it."
- Ben-IND
On a Break
"He hadn't actually told his ex they were broken up, just that they needed to 'take a break.' I should have taken a break too at that point."
- natebradyy
Love is incredibly messy, but some people have a special way of making it so much more complicated.
There's no denying that all of the above are red flags and perfectly good reasons to walk away in search of something better.