Married People Explain Which Small Things Make Their Marriage Stronger

When people think of marriage, many thing of this big, life-long commitment.

And while marriage certainly is a big commitment and not something that should be taken lightly, it's actually the little everyday things that keep the relationship the strongest, healthiest, and happiest that it can be.

Redditor Dani0873 asked:

"Adults who are married, what small things do you do that make your marriage stronger?"

Like, Not Just Love

"We like each other. And act like it. A lot of couples seem to fall into a pattern of casual sniping and put-downs, which is uncomfortable to be around and I think erodes the relationship."

- MaggieLuisa

"One hundred percent. 34 years of marriage and we still kiss, hold hands, and act playful, all the time."

"We always have fun together. We compliment each other and treat each other kindly. We genuinely like to be together."

"We really annoy people. Ha. We got very lucky."

- SpecificJunket8083

Non-Sexual Intimacy

"Every day we lay down and hold each other tight for five minutes. No talking, no kissing, or anything else. We both believe intimacy is crucial to a relationship and it can be as simple as laying down and holding each other tight for five minutes every day."

- sneaky291

Share the Wealth

"Do the chores. Seriously."

"All the love notes and cuddles don't mean s**t if you leave your dishes by the sink."

- dimlord

"This times 10. If you’re both lazy, then it’s all good, but nothing is worse than one being lazy and the other having to do all the work."

- ushouldlistentome

Marry Your Best Friend

"Being best friends was helpful. You can literally just hang out and enjoy each other's company."

"Even with three teenagers, we find time to just hang out with each other. You'll talk about the kids and work inevitably, but you're also just spending time together."

"That being said... you also need to spend time apart. Girls' night out. Guys' golf trip. It's learning to balance. If someone is trying to unbalance it, then you need to talk about that right away."

- CTnaturist

Love Notes Speak Volumes

"Love notes tucked away in lunch boxes."

- Dazzling-Silver756

"This is one of my favorite things to do, except I write out links to YouTube videos that I hope make him laugh."

"Example: remember that ~10-year-old YouTube video (maybe its origin was Vine, can’t remember) that had the guy strumming a guitar for a girl as he sang, 'I love you BIII**H. I ain’t ever gonna stop loving you…. BIIII**H'? Those are the kinds of things I write, lol (laughing out loud)."

- fappin4verstappen

A List of To-Dos

"We always say thank you and show gratitude, even for the small things that are expected."

"We never involve anyone else in our relationship, no parents, no friends."

"We often ask each other questions like, 'How are you feeling?' or 'How did you sleep?'"

"We do most things together, even the meaningless things like going to get the mail and going to the grocery store."

"We share our hobbies. We have all the same hobbies and it’s so much fun!"

"We always show each other casual small acts of affection. Random kiss, random hug, random butt slap."

- ImmigrationJourney2

Small Favors Add Up

"Small favors. I HATED getting a sibling something (like a drink) because it seemed they would purposely wait until I got up to ask for it."

"BUT for my husband and I, I never say no, and neither does he. And it's always appreciated. He will even get up and refill my drink if he sees it getting low without me asking. And I really appreciate this little thoughtfulness."

- Psychological-News573

Intentions Matter

"Assume positive intent. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of assuming someone did something intentionally to hurt you."

"Nine times out of 10 for us, it’s a simple mistake/lapse in judgment. If it’s a serious issue/problem then talk it out and explain why it happened, how to not have it happen in the future."

- hoffabear

Being There for Each Other

"We invest in each other's love languages (mine is words of affirmation and his is quality time together)."

"We have routines that emphasize our commitment (e.g. when we take off our wedding rings to exercise, the other person has to put the ring back on for you; we give each other a big good morning hug every day)."

"We put each other first and always have a unified front in public. It’s us versus the problem; never him versus me."

"We are each other’s safe space. There’s nothing I can’t share with him and vice versa. I’m never ashamed to be vulnerable in front of him because we never weaponize or make fun of those vulnerabilities."

"We continue to date each other. Trivia night, dinner outings, concerts, etc. I dress up for him and vice versa when the occasion warrants it."

"We laugh a lot together. We laugh at the tough situations. We always laugh together when something breaks or doesn’t go our way. Our first reaction is always humor."

"We break down communication barriers quickly when something doesn’t go as planned and something goes wrong as a result."

"We ALWAYS assume positive intent when confronting the other with an issue."

"We are hugely transparent. Joint calendar, joint email; our phone passwords are the same; no secrets unless we say there’s a surprise being planned then we respect privacy as needed."

- Legal_Opportunity851

Remind Them You're Thinking Of Them

"Little gifts! My husband and I are like crow. If I find something small and shiny, it goes to my husband. If he finds a neat rock, it goes to me."

"It's just one of those random little things that shows they're thinking of you at sometimes the most unexpected times and it definitely always makes me feel more connected to my husband to both present and be presented with tiny knickknacks."

- bri_2498

Share In Their Joy

"Be excited about what they find exciting. He LOVES birds, ducks especially. We live on a lake, so he will see them in the water, and point them out. I never really cared, but looking out the window when he is like, 'Oooh, that's a canvas back!' is not hard, and he finds more excitement in my acknowledgment."

"I can now tell what some of them are as they fly by when we are in the car, and his enjoyment is childlike (in a good way) and contagious. And now my house is decorated with (nice) waterfowl paintings. I would never have picked them when I was single, but he lives them, and at least it's a theme."

- Psychological-News57312

Together, Never Against

"A couple should be a team, not opposing competitors! I hate any relationship advice that tells you how to 'game' your SO or the relationship."

- goodmobileyes

"Solve problems; don't win fights."

- Sandwichlover7504

Not Worth It

"Know each other's strengths and weaknesses... and be a great team."

"My wife loves to cook but hates the prep and clean-up... So I help with the prep and clean up after we're done."

"Also... Don't fight about stupid s**t; it's not worth the bad feelings."

"Also... What ever the fight might be about, don't go to bed angry. Makeup before you wake up."

- lifeishardass**t

Communication... And Butts

"Grab each other’s butts."

"When you are mad… SAY IT! Stop holding it in and resenting the other person."

"FORGIVENESS. This app is so quick to tell people to leave or divorce. Relationships are hard, and people aren’t perfect."

"Love the person for who they are, not who you think they should be."

- layzee8

This list is such a great reminder that it doesn't always take a lot to make a huge difference.

While we may not all have a million dollars or all the hours in the day to spare, we can still do things that remind our loved ones that we're thinking of them and help keep that relationship strong.