Some of our shameful traits may include a tendency to put ourselves down, being painfully shy, or shutting down entirely when dealing with a superior.
"What screams 'You weren't loved by your parents as a child' without saying you weren't loved by your parents as a child?"
A lack of a loving family led for these people to have a general sense of low self-esteem.
"Not being able to self validate. No one taught you how to be confident and sure of yourself."
"Poor decision making/indecisive."
"Insecure attachments."
Bad Social Anxiety
"One thing that I know I did a lot is have an extremely exaggerated personality because of how bad your social anxiety is. You constantly think everyone is judging you, so you have this carefully calculated sort of facade. You seem funny and spontaneous and extroverted, easy to talk to and friendly, basically you become that quirky weird kid. You try so hard to be funny and likable, be just weird enough but in a sort of funny way, so that people will like you. Then you get home and are absolutely drained because you really have no social battery but force yourself to have one because that's what your carefully crafted personality calls for. You seem spontaneous and funny but really every move is carefully calculated."
– 69frogs
Family Punchline
"They can't mention any achievement without 'balancing' it with a mistake."
"Your whole family sees you as nothing but a punchline."
"The only reason you fear them outliving you is that they'd use your funeral as an excuse to humiliate you even further in front of people who actually cared."
Painful Pasts
"I've had two girlfriends who were able to cry completely silently. Not just a few tears, but full ugly, balling your eyes out crying, with absolutely zero noise."
"The first one I knew about her past, but the second I was completely blindsided. She didn't speak about her past, but had said that other than 'occasionally arguing' with her father she's has a good enough childhood. When I saw it, it absolutely sent chills down my spine, and I immediately knew. When I later asked her about it, and mentioned that people only learn that out for quite narrow reasons, the flood gates opened I learned more about her childhood than I was ready to."
A Sad Talent
"My special talent is breaking into full-on hysterics in total silence *with my bedroom open* and then less than 2 minutes later, walk out of my room and nobody has a clue I just had a total breakdown."
"I cried myself to sleep most my 26 years so you just get used to it and forget it's not normal."
Vulnerable individuals tend to freeze up from these triggering moments.
"Seeing your phone ringing with your parents name and having an anxiety attack about answering."
Bracing For Fear
"Flinching up and closing everything out when someone yells or gets mad at me or something I did."
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A Negative Reaction
"I used to do this. Now when someone starts yelling at me I am filled with rage and start shaking. I don't know why it changed though."
Shutting Down
"It took me years to not flinch, but I still will shut down, and usually cry if I get criticized."
People who always felt they weren't enough in their parents' eyes constantly go out of their way to seek validation.
T.M.I.
"Oversharing. Not being able to set boundaries."
"I seek the empathy I didn't have, I try not to overshare but it's hard when you're starving, but I do have good boundaries otherwise."
Being Overanalytical
"Spending every moment of your waking life, all 20 hours a day of it, overanalyzing everything and everyone for that exact moment they are going to snap and lash out at you."
Unethical Side Effect
"Stealing - my sister was always told she was 'too expensive' to take care of now she literally will steal even if she has money in her pocket."
Pleasing Authority Figures
"Constant need of approval by an authority figure. For example, trying to constant please your history teacher that kind reminds of your dad, so everytime he grades you well you feel like you accomplished something, even though he's just your teacher, not your dad, he won't listen to your problems or be present. He's just grading the tests."
These people constantly feel compelled to beg for forgiveness, even though they did nothing wrong.
Survival Mechanism
"I was going to say this. I had to apologize to my stepmom for breathing loud, for standing somewhere she'd just decided she wanted to stand, for not being in a room when she suddenly decided she wanted to tell me something, for needing to eat and sleep and use the bathroom."
"People would laugh about how they could yell 'hey, come here!' and the moment I got there I'd apologize first thing. But it was an absolute survival mechanism."
Low Sense Of Self-Worth
"Not liking or loving yourself."
"Being able to identify people by their foot steps, the sound of their car outside, how they move around the house, etc."
It's difficult to trace the root cause of our self-loathing.
But parents aren't always the guilty ones who make us devalue our sense of worth.
When I was in sixth grade, a had a teacher yell at me because I was swinging a softball bat like a "sissy." She grabbed the bat from me and demonstrated how aggressively I needed to swing it. But she was mere inches from my face when she swung so hard, I could've sworn she was going to whack my nose right off my head.
Since then, playing most sports involving catching or hitting balls have traumatized me for life. I didn't need the "love" from my teacher that day, but I sure as hell didn't need her fury and making me feel so incompetent in front of all my classmates—most of whom were laughing at me.
@GavinNewsom/X