People who cut the queue are going to hell, but they wouldn't if they just stopped their indecent behavior.
The same goes for people who leave their shopping carts in open parking lots rather than return them to the corral, and those who don't know how to merge onto the freeway.
"You can make everyone follow one rule you make: What is it?" –– This was today's burning question from Redditor Lord_Smile, and needless to say, people went wild. Turns out there's a lot out there that bothers us.
"Service employees..."
Service employees are now legally required to physically fight one customer a day.
"If you throw your butts..."
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If you throw your butts out the car window, a mysterious, compelling force will cause you to retrieve them and stick them up your bumhole.
"When you make a mistake..."
When you make a mistake, quickly take ownership, apologize and make right where possible.
On the counter: forgive that which is done wrong and don't make forgiveness conditional on atonement or apology.
"Every sentence..."
Every sentence must be finished with a noun that has absolutely nothing to do with the sentence spoken. (eg: Hey Billy, how's work been thermostat?) (eg: Little Darla hurt her knee when she fell off the swings death penalty.)
"I command everyone..."
I command everyone to consider how their actions will affect those around them.
Everyone must wash their hands every time they use the toilet ... yes, even you, Mr "I don't pee on my hands so I don't need to wash them."
davidtcook
@TweetforAnnaNAFO/X
Steve Urkel Oops GIF 
Moon Walk Dance GIF 
The Office Monday GIF by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment 