Navigating family dynamics after a divorce is challenging. Some of the things that might be overlooked when you were married are now sources of conflict.
Add in new partners and the road to an amicable relationship with an ex can turn into a minefield. A 28-year-old woman feeling like she may have stepped on her own relationship landmine with her ex sought the feedback available on the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throwaway_aitaadvice asked:
"AITA for taking the attention away from the bride at the wedding and making it 'about me'?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I am currently 6 months pregnant and am engaged to a wonderful man. Due to the craziness, only a limited number of people know about our news because we aren't the 'announcing' type."
"Also, it was a quick engagement because of the pregnancy (but we love each other) and we didn't want to showcase all that."
"I also have a 11 year old with my ex who I was married to for 9 years, but he ended up cheating on me with 'Anna', his friend/coworker. He had his wedding with Anna this weekend."
"I was invited because of a complicated custody arrangement that I don't want to get into and because his mom wanted the mother of her grandchild at the wedding too since I'm technically still family proxy my son."
"The thing is, no one from that side knew I'm pregnant. I didn't tell my ex because of personal reasons."
"Also, my fiancé is also quite an influential man where I'm from and is well known. My ex knows I'm dating someone since I was allowed a plus one for the wedding but he doesn't know who."
"This plays into the wedding."
"I didn't really think of it much as they kept it a small event. I really didn't want to go but did for the sake of my son since I can't let him go alone."
"We all showed up and naturally, people gravitated toward my fiancé, asking him what he was doing here and then learning about the pregnancy and engagement. They were fascinated."
"It was all quite annoying and I played the pregnant lady card quite a few times so I could get some peace at an event that I didn't even want to be at."
"They got married and it was over. We went home, no fuss."
"The next day, my ex calls me (never does this lol) and starts ranting to me about how I ruined the wedding for his wife and him."
"First, I bring in a man that's 'clearly trying to one up him' and my ex argued that my son likes my fiancé better as my son didn't leave our side for a second during the wedding and my ex was angered that we played happy family in front of him when he was the one getting married."
"Second, my fiancé is not only my date but also the guy I'm marrying and I'm engaged to and everyone got to know about it on their day, taking away all the excitement from the wedding. That point, I said that I was sorry for and agreed that it probably did distract from the wedding."
"However, I didn't know what I should've done. It's not like I could make everything disappear for the night."
"I'm not comfortable with announcements on social media and wouldn't have done it for my ex."
"My ex brought my son into this and asked him to tell me to apologize to his wife for making their whole wedding about me. My son disagrees and says that I did nothing wrong, but he's 11."
"So Reddit, AITA?"
The OP added:
"I honestly don't think anything 'happened' to them. Their wedding happened, people congratulated them, people were happy and took pictures, what more did they want?"
"I don't understand what exactly was ruined and what was upstaged? Maybe it's because I don't really understand weddings, but literally when we all were settling down/or eating, people were approaching my fiancé and I."
"It's not like in the middle of the ceremony, people care over and talked to us. It was an uneventful, regular wedding."
"I still don't see how I ruined it after all these 'upstaging' the bride comments, but I guess I did."
"If I had it my way, he wouldn't have known about my fiancé or baby until [the pandemic] ended basically. I went to the wedding for my son, but now after this, I guess I should've just stayed home with my son."
"They both invited me. I didn't want to go, but did so for my son."
"I thought he'd regret missing his dads wedding when he gets older."
Redditors were asked to weigh in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was definitely not the a**hole.
"NTA. He most likely wanted you to be the miserable ex at his wedding to his new wife and you didn't play the part because you're not."
"You did an amazing job of being there for your son so he could see his dad get married, you didn't fight that and you did great."
"Also record what negative things your ex try's to say to your kid for legal reasons in case you ever need it , stay safe." ~ PogTheDruid
"NTA. The fact that your ex dragged your son into it is shameful." ~ RindaC10
"Did you shout 'I'm pregnant' from a megaphone?"
"Did he tell you to not bring your fiancé?"
"Did you call the people around you?"
"No, no and no? Then NTA." ~ Oersted95
"Absolutely NTA and congratulations OP!"
"Both on the baby and dodging the ex. Sounds like he did you a massive favour." ~ MiskiMoon
"He sounds really jealous 😂 whether it was on purpose or not and whether it's actually an [a**hole] move or not doesn't really matter [in my opinion]."
"I'm more surprised that he got the nerve to invite you to his wedding with the woman he cheated on you with." ~ nana7777777
"Your ex sounds insecure about your new man, and this is a he problem, not a you problem. Your new happiness doesn't involve him, and it's making him insecure."
"You didn't do anything wrong in my opinion. You told him about +1, no reason why you'd have to tell him who that is."
"There's really no reason for you to update your ex about your pregnancy either."
"NTA. I think it's disgusting that he's using your son as a pawn to get back at you."
"This is bringing me to question why he even invited you there. I'm suspecting he secretly wanted to show off to you he's moved on, and it backfired since you had moved on too." ~ QuornNugget
While it's impossible to know what the OP's relationship with her ex will look like in the future, at least she knows Reddit has her back.