Being in a relationship is full of potential obstacles to happiness. How partners navigate those challenges can lead to success or failure.
When family members are throwing more obstacles in the path to happiness, it adds a whole other level of stress.
A son is wondering if how he handled his mother's behavior was wrong, so he turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for moral judgement.
Redditor ThrowRAfiancee293 asked:
"AITA for kicking my mom out after ruining our engagement announcement?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"To be honest I don't know why this is being turned against us but doesn't hurt to know from others if this was really an asshole moment or family being 'family'."
"I (25M) have been with my fiancée Tanya (25f) for 5 yrs. My mom never approved of Tanya at all because she has an 8 yr old son, Alex."
"Yeah she did have him young."
"We dated for a year and half before she was comfortable with me meeting Alex. Me and him have been best friends ever since."
"Seriously I love that kid to death."
"And that's the issue my mom has. She doesn't like that I'm close with Alex so she says stupid jokes or comments how Tanya shouldn't be tying me down with a kid and maybe she should get his real dad to do that."
"She thinks Tanya is this stereotypical teen mom who's baby daddy bailed when that's not it at all. Alex's dad passed away while she was pregnant."
"It deeply traumatized her since she saw it happen and never was comfortable sharing that because it's too painful to talk about."
"I figured this was her story to tell and if she didn't wanna say anything I wouldn't either. Never told my mom but always told her she needed to stop talking that way about Tanya and for the most part she did whenever she saw how it pisses me off."
"It's been a constant thing with her no matter how many times I fight with my mom over it."
"Last weekend we had my parents over to our apartment along with my sister, and we announced we're getting engaged. Everyone else was happy for us but of course my mom had to go and ruin it with a passive aggressive joke, 'I guess you couldn't find Alex's dad after all'."
"Seriously when we were all just celebrating, she went and killed it. That was it for me. Tanya wasn't happy either."
"Can't say almost everything I said because of character limit but basically said for years she never respected my relationship or Tanya when she never did anything wrong."
"She raised a great kid that I love and they're going to be a part of my life. So if she can't accept that or respect my future wife then she needs to leave my apartment."
"Everyone was very serious and my mom just got up and left mad. I apologized to my dad, he told me he's sorry too."
"Only person left was my sister and she had a lot to say about kicking my own mom out. She agreed my mom was horrible but 'that's not how you do things'."
"I retold the rest of this to my cousins and also my best friend, who all sort of feel the same way. My mom hasn't actually apologized and I've heard from my dad that she's telling everyone how disrespectful I'm being and how embarrassing it felt to be kicked out of my apartment."
"I feel like I'm losing it here. I don't get how it's so wrong when she had the choice to stay & you know...accept that I'm getting married and respect my fiancée."
"Was I really an a**hole in any way in this situation?"
"It feels weird having to ask but here we are."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
"NTA. I'm sorry. That sounds terrible."
"Your mom was way out of line, no matter what her motivations were or what knowledge she had regarding your fiancée."
"Congrats on your engagement. It sounds like you and Tanya will have some big challenges ahead of you."
"One observation moving forward: protect Alex at all costs, especially with regard to your mother." ~ Check3_4
"You are definitively NTA. Words have meaning. Actions have consequence."
"She said something horrible and deserves the most simple consequence of being asked to leave."
"What a disgusting thing for her to have done. You didn't even kick her out!"
"You gave her an opportunity to reframe her thoughts and she left! You are so not in the wrong here OP."
"Congrats on the engagement!" ~ nonstopflux
"You gave her a choice: learn how to be respectful towards my life, my relationship and the kid I'm choosing to raise (my Son) or leave."
"She made her choice. NTA." ~ HopefulEuphemia
"The mother was way out of line. Even if Alex's dad was a deadbeat who ran off as she assumed, that's still an incredibly rude and uncalled for comment."
"The fact she was so wrong about the circumstances makes it worse, but it was already an awful move to begin with."
"Also, OP you didn't even really kick her out. You gave her a choice: respect your relationship and partner or get out."
"She chose to be disrespectful and mean, she chose to make a scene, and she chose to leave. Honestly I wouldn't let her around your fiancée or Alex again until she (hopefully) shapes up."
"To anyone who tells you that you're wrong, just say 'The ball is in her court, she knows what she needs to do to make things right'." ~ Dracarys_Aspo
Even if OP's family thinks he was in the wrong, he can be reassured that his fellow Redditors feel he did nothing wrong.
Hopefully his mother will reconsider her attitude so she can continue to be part of her son's life.