Listen, we know this headline sounds like a pretty cut and dry case of "nope!" but the actual backstory has so many plot twists that there's no way we could fit it all in the title.
For extra fun, grab a friend and argue over who is in the wrong, because what you're about to read is really, really, a sticky situation.
If you're not familiar with Reddit, it's easiest to think of it like a message board.
There are different boards devoted to different subjects and people post and comment as they like. Among these "boards" is one people have really been gravitating to lately for good reason - everybody loves reading about a good old fashioned dose of melodrama.
It's called "Am I The Assh*le" and is pretty much what it sounds like.
People post the conflicts they have going on and Reddit chimes in on who is the person in the wrong. The situations are typically messy, and that's part of the appeal. As long as it's not happening to us, we all secretly (or not-so-secretly) love kicking back and sipping tea while we watch the show.
This GIF is a GIF for a reason, folks.
This go-round, we've got a post from a woman, who used the Reddit username Brokenheartid , who is feeling hurt because her life-long best friend just told her that she is pregnant and engaged and wants the woman to be the maid of honor at the wedding ... but the groom/baby daddy happens to be the woman's ex.
Not just any ex, the one-that-got-away ex. They hadn't even told woman they were dating! Woman wants to know if she would be the assh*le for saying no.
Here's Brokenheartid's original post :
"AITA (am I the a-hole) for not wanting to be the maid of honor at my best friends wedding because she's pregnant and marrying my ex? Of course story is lot more complicated than title..."
"So two major parts of my life converged recently and I'm just devastated and question pretty much all my actions, hence why I'm posting here because I may be acting awful to two people I love dearly."
"So part one is Tammy. My best friend since elementary school. She is literally my sister. We have done pretty much everything together, same college, same dorm, roommates, confidants, sloppy drunk mates, you name it. I love her so much."
"Part two is Gregory. My college boyfriend. I love him as well but we just could never make things work. Had one of those hot mess relationships which are a combination of torture and bliss. We have dated off and on since freshman orientation (all of us are 27 now) but usually end up in flames. I always loved him so much that I hoped we'd mature and be able to make things work. He move to a different city after college but we'd stay in touch, send flirty texts and even went on vacation twice. We got along great as long as we both had our own places to retreat to if that makes sense. All along we both had dating lives and to be fair I never told him about my long term idea that we'd be together."
"A year ago Tammy moved to a city about 30 minutes away from Gregory. She was having a really hard time meeting people so I told her since she knew Gregory so well, she should call him and see if he can introduce her to his group of friends. She did and I knew she was much happier. About 3 months after that the flirty texts from Gregory just stopped out of the blue which isn't that big of a deal because it's happened before but looking back I should have known what was coming."
"Tammy just came home for the weekend and said she was making a special trip just to see me. Of course I was super excited to see her. She came over and she just seemed a little off. First she told me she was pregnant, after we got past the shock and established she was happy and keeping the baby I was elated to be an aunt. Then she said there's more and this is really hard. I about died when she said the baby is Gregory's."
"She apologized and said she was so sorry, they had just hit it off and they didn't mean to do anything to hurt me and they even tried breaking up for my sake but they just realized there was too much of an attraction and they started dating. She hadn't planned on getting pregnant but now that she is, they are getting married. She said she hoped this didn't hurt me and she always dreamed about me being her maid of honor and there's no one else she's ever ask."
"I tried to keep my cool but I just lost it. I wasn't mad at her, just really really sad. I told her that I loved her but I just couldn't be around her right now and no way I could even go to their wedding let alone be in the wedding party. She said she was sorry about a million times as she was leaving and she texted me quite a bit wanting to see me before she left town on Sunday. I just couldn't do it. I literally cried all weekend."
"Here's the thing...if I were never in the picture...they make a perfect couple. Perfect. Tammy's brand of "firey" is a Much better match to Gregory's calm nature than mine. They are both gorgeous and smart and great with kids. If two people should be hooking up to be great partners and parents , it's those two. I just can't help being hurt."
"Am I the assh*le for not wanting to be her maid of honor?"
Whoa, whoa WHOA - right?
Tammy, the best friend, totally knew how much Gregory meant to the woman and she still dated him, didn't tell her, and then sprung a whole surprise on her about being pregnant and engaged!?!?
CLEARLY it's Tammy who is the ass here, right?
Initial Votes Totally Cast Tammy And Greg As The Villains
"Yeah, this is kind of ridiculous. F*ck her 'close friend's' special day." - Gimmemuchosmangos
"If you two were so close, surely she must have known of your feelings? The right thing to do would've been to talk to you about it instead of sneaking behind your back and only telling you when she got knocked up. Asking you to be her maid of honor is cruel and selfish, considering she knew how you felt." - AngelNursery
"Tammy knew that OP was into him and he's is OPs ex. They were still text flirting. Tammy and the guy should have talked to OP about their feeling for each other before or right after pursing each other. She should not have found out that they were dating, and pregnant, and getting married all at the same time. OP is right to feel this way. If they did it as it happened, OP would have had more time to digest the news."
"To me, this shows a lot of disrespect. They didn't think about OPs feelings at all." - Longtimelurker-
"Tammy is a HUGE arse."
"I tell my best mate EVERYTHING and she does the same. Especially a best friend I consider a sister."
"Tammy chose to:
- Go after a guy she knew Op had feelings for.
- F*ck him.
- Get pregnant.
- Only tell Op when it came down to the wire.
- Then has the nerve to ask Op to support HER as MOH in a wedding that is happening very, very soon."
"Tammy is a shitty friend." - RoryWinnifred
"Daaayum, that bitch stabbed you on the back without mercy. I not only wouldn't be maid of honor at their wedding but would also be glad to NEVER speak or see any of them ever again. The LEAST she could have done was checking with you if you were truly over the guy before start screwing him enough to get pregnant so quickly."
"Fake ass bitch! You are a much better person than I am and DEFINITELY handled the situation much better than I would have."
"Holy shit!" - Frugaholic1201
Remember at the beginning when we told you this wasn't as cut and dry as it initially seemed?
Yeah, the plot is about to get seriously twisty. Most people are pretty upset about the fact that neither Tammy nor Gregory told the woman they were even seeing each other, but that may not be the case.
As more people started asking questions, more details started to emerge.
First of all, Brokenheartid had a long-term plan that she and Gregory would end up together, but it was never something discussed between them. She never even hinted that she was that serious about him. It would have made no sense to since, according to her, the relationship was outright bad 90% of the time.
The relationship between her and Gregory was not, in fact, as close as she initially made it seem. The woman and Gregory had not seen one another since June of 2017 (it was February of 2019 when she found out.) and they hadn't spoken at all, even via text, since September of 2018. The woman was the one to initially suggest that Tammy and Greg spend time together in the first place.
Also, it turns out they both tried to tell her, repeatedly.
She went back through the timeline and explained that she essentially ghosted both Tammy and Greg for months. Starting in August of 2018, she didn't respond to calls or texts from Tammy or Greg very often.
In fact, when she did it was usually to tell them to give her "room to breathe" because she was so busy at work. She admitted that Tammy had called and texted her repeatedly basically begging for a call back because they really needed to talk about something.
The woman did not, and eventually Tammy pinned her into talking by making a special trip just to have this conversation. So for six months the pair did try to reach her and tell her. Brokenheartid explained that, looking back, she only responded to about one of every 5 texts and that all conversations were initiated by Tammy, so if Tammy hadn't been trying to reach out then they wouldn't have spoken at all.
Finally, when it came down to it, she acknowledged that Tammy and Greg were a much better fit and that she was very aware that her relationship with Gregory was bad.
She shared that the thing that really upset her was the loss of the imaginary future she had created in her head where she and Gregory eventually somehow figured it out. She wasn't actually even speaking with him at the time, so it's not like she missed Greg himself.
She knew it was bad, but at least it was "something."
Those Details Certainly Changed Things...
"Yes you are the asshole..." - MoreRITZ
"You toyed with a man and his feelings for 10 years. You never tried to mature and try settling down. He's not the issue because he's more than willing to start a life with your friend. You don't own someone because you had them before. You're just angry at yourself for not cherishing your relationships and throwing it away for silly reasons. You're selfish." - N*ggasaki123
"'I had long term plans for us to be together that he didn't know about'."
"So, you just want him to be on standby waiting for you?" - TheMasterCharles
"You don't own him just because you dated in the past, and sure it's not nice to sleep with someone your friend has feelings for, but that's not what's happening here. You dropped everyone, your relationship was bad and they clearly have genuine feelings for each other, you should be happy for them." - ulpisen
"You don't get to reserve people like a jet ski just because you feel like eventually you'll be mature enough to enjoy them full time. It's not like your friend looked up your ex after pining for him for years or even just ran into him on the street. You pushed her into his arms as a source of friendship and comfort, and you're surprised they ended up together?"
"You admit that they make more sense as a couple, they're trying to make it work as a family and now you decide it's time to cut ties? This is a woman you've known your whole life who's going to need more support now than ever, but you're mad because you had, without his knowledge, called eternal dibs? At the same time they both suck for keeping the relationship a secret, but based on your reaction I can understand their reluctance to trust you to understand." - Therealmccoyster
So, who's the assh*le here?
Tammy and Greg?
Who can tell anymore?