I once dated someone who turned out to be a relationship bouncer and it was not pretty to find out. It sucked (for me, at least) because I was under the impression that we'd developed a good connection. Needless to say, it was clear that we were on different pages so we went our separate ways.
This isn't to say that there's something inherently wrong about jumping from one relationship to the next: Everyone does their own thing and makes it work in their own way.
Consider today's burning question from Redditor refrigerator_yeet, who asked the online community, "People who are always in relationships: How do you skip from one relationship to another? Where do you meet these people?" for more insight.
"But since you asked..."
It's not a healthy trait to keep bouncing off from one relationship to another. It goes to show that people are afraid of being alone or always codependent on a partner for happiness. Many do this because it's a short-term solution to move on quickly and not deal with breakups in a healthy manner.
But since you asked, I know some people who keep backups through online dating or from work or friend circle. Many also keep looking for someone better while in a relationship and when they do find that someone, they break up to go to the newer option.
"I recommend..."
Having hobbies. You can meet so many people that way. I recommend going in with the intent to just make some friends- if you're desperate it's going to show, and desperation is not attractive. Having friends gives you a support network and a potential dating network.
"It was a need..."
I have a friend who does this; she normally meets people online and then goes to meet them in person. As long as I have known her since she started dating in middle school, she has always had a boyfriend in some form.
I honestly think it was because of her mother, who treated her sister better than her and didn't act like she wanted her around. It was a need for affection from someone that evolved into depending on someone to be there for her.
"They're consumed by..."
They're consumed by the idea of being alone so they put extra effort into not letting that happen. Kinda like going from being fired from a job to another job so you don't become broke.
People certainly have their opinions, don't they?
Let's face it: Having a dishonest partner can color your opinions on this. I'll refer back to the example I gave in the intro. I was really unhappy at the time of the "break-up" (can't really call it one if there wasn't actually something worth breaking up over, right?) but I did take that to mean that I was not in a place to date and should just enjoy my time alone (which I did).
Let's continue, though. This is certainly an interesting topic.
"The ones I know..."
The ones I know who do this plant the seeds for a new relationship before they end the old one. They decide they want to break up, so they go huntin', and don't break up until they're sure they've found someone who'll date them. Or they meet someone they want to date and ditch their current partner. They're just very good at picking up new partners, which makes sense since they've had a lot of practise. And at least one of the people I've met who bounces from relationship to relationship is not very picky.
"But I can't do..."
Lots of hobbies. I rollerblade pretty religiously. Have a few different skate events I go to. I do a few 5k, 10k events every year. I windsurf when it's not ungodly cold in the UK. I am learning Brazilian jiu-jitsu. I attend a ton of meetups like pottery, Sunday painting, trekking whatever. Grab a few friends, go have a good time and meet new people and make more friends.
The majority of the people in my life are through these hobbies, and it's just as well because my mum and I moved to a completely different country/continent/culture about 13 years ago.
Now, as to the question of why I can't hold a relationship down... I think I have major commitment issues. Anytime the guy gets slightly attached to me I freak out and break up. I don't know if I'm good enough for a relationship, or will ever be.
But I can't do one night stands. I definitely need affection and a relationship... Just not the commitments and problems that come with it.
I also find that I don't have any problem being single. I like being alone sometimes and I tend to take "time offs" between breakups and go travel to a nice warm place that lets me surf.
Maybe my abusive dad and the unhappy marriage that my mum was in has something to do with it. Maybe it's just me being a weirdo. I don't know... As I'm writing this, I'm also realising that I don't really care.
"I'm also lucky enough..."
The one time I left one relationship and jumped into another, I was unhappy dating the one guy and had been dropping hints that I was going to break up, and he was actively trying to convince me not to, so I caved in and waited for a good excuse or moment. Then I met a dude at a new job and felt an instant connection. That was the push I needed, so I broke up with dude A and got together with dude B.
Now that I'm not 19 years old, I know myself well enough and have enough confidence in my perception that I wouldn't let myself be talked into staying in a relationship that didn't suit me.
I'm also lucky enough to be able to support myself alone on one income, so I'm not forced to find someone else to share bills with before I can afford to leave a shitty relationship. I'm sure that plays a role for many people.
"I'm convinced..."
My roommate is one of these people. I'm convinced he's a sex addict. And misses out on a lot of other (potentially mind-expanding) experiences because he's lonely and wants to do it with someone. Or maybe I'm just jealous that he bangs all the babes.
"Assuming..."
Don't let your social circle shrink into nothing while your dating. Always have options, and having friends gives you many options. Assuming that they will set you up with other people. General tips. Set boundaries. Have a plan for your life. Value yourself first. Don't be afraid to end it.
"Important to note..."
I was a "serial monogamist" for awhile. Important to note that this is "serial", not "parallel". No cheating, no "overlap" - just not a lot of time between ending one relationship and starting another.
It was always somebody I already knew. Usually somebody I hadn't really thought about like that or figured they wouldn't be interested in me anyway.
The relationship ending was almost always not what I wanted. That is to say, I got dumped. I wasn't shopping around for somebody new and sabotaging myself.
I didn't go looking for somebody else to date. They found me. Given the choice, I'd have preferred more time. But when this kind of thing happens you don't get to just be like "thanks for your interest, can you come back in a couple of months?" The spark is here now, your choices are to see where it goes or not. I don't regret making that choice. I would have always wondered.
"Things are easier..."
Let's break some of the negativity on this thread.
Humans aren't solitary creatures. We form families or tribes. Things are easier when we're together. There's shared work and shared resources. Nothing wrong with being alone, but being part of a group (even two) makes life easier and potentially more rewarding.
Just flipping the script on most of these comments indicating that there's somehow something wrong with "these people."
Nice to have some levity, right?
As you can see, this is a bit more of a complicated matter than people make it out to be (but isn't everything, though?).
I'm making the most of single life, by the way. We are in a pandemic, after all. And once it's over, I'm going to have to pick up a few more hobbies.
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