Relationships are a difficult thing. Love is built on trust and braving that leap is one of the most daunting undertakings anybody can do in life. Especially when half of the time the significant other your trusting... is a triflin', soulless piece of work. It seems a decent amount of people can't stop at just one person to be in a relationship with, sex and love is like eating chips apparently. Now having more than one lover or significant other is perfectly fine, we should all do what makes us happy.... as long as you're being honest and everyone is aware of everyone.
And often when one partner is outed as a scoundrel (male or female) everybody wants to immediately blame the shameless harlett (again... male or female) who seduced an innocent lover. How do these people live with themselves? How could you be with someone who is cheating? Or... how much are you aware of darling?
Redditor u/jsfw1983 wanted to know why some people would do the things they would do when it comes to relationships asking... [Serious] Side chicks/dudes of Reddit. Why?
Define monogamy.
GiphyI was the side dude, but, she had told me she broke up with the guy several months prior.
Turned to be 5 or 6 of us who were 100% sure we were in monogamous relationships with her, at the same time.
I was 18 she was maybe 35. She would pick me up from my subway job in a her nice car take me everywhere. Let me do anything I wanted, said her husband was old and didn't give a crap even if he found out. I just honestly didn't care, she ended up finding another guy closer to her age and leaving her husband for him. I was heartbroken she didn't pick me.
The other guy probably was financially stable already and younger than her husband, thats the only way she would actually leave him. But make no mistake, she will cheat on her new guy again, and then on the next, and so on. I would take the temporary heartbroken pain over longterm never ending heartbroken pain anytime.
What am I doing?
I was young, she was an older married woman at work and I was stupid. At first I just thought she liked me, and it was no strings attached fun. Then suddenly she told me she had a husband and somehow I believed her when she was gonna leave her husband to be with me. I wasn't even sure if I wanted that, but went with it, cause, young and stupid.
The delusion only lasted a few weeks. He showed up at work to pick her up, and I met him, and was like, "What the hell am I doing to this dude?"
And that was the end of it. I couldn't handle that crap. I felt terrible for what I'd done.
Had a situation where the married woman convinced me that her husband was a scumbag and deserved to be cheated on. He came into our workplace with their daughter, and after seeing how loving and kind he was to her and the young girl, it was hard for me to believe that he was the reason for her infidelity. I broke it off the next day, and three days later, I heard she started doing one of the butchers in the meat department.
That sounds closed to me...
GiphyWas one a few years ago for one occurrence. She said they were in an open relationship and that he got off to videos of her banging dudes. The day after we hooked up he blew up my phone threatening to kick my a**. She was not in an open relationship.
Had that same experience basically. Got a call super early the morning after from her phone wondering why the F she was calling me so early. Listened to the message. It was her husband threatening to kill me. Good stuff.
Ex-side dude. It's because I was selfish, young, and shortsighted. You can dress it up with rationalizations but at the end the day if you know what you're doing, then you share the blame.
The "Other" One...
Unaware of anyone else in the picture. Thought it was just her and I.
Halfway through our time together found out there was someone else - but she said it wasn't serious and it was already over. We cooled off for a bit, took a break, then resumed dating.
Our relationship eventually ran its course and ended with no hard feelings (move across the country). It wasn't until later on I found out that the "other guy" was in fact her fiancé. I was the side piece.
I was the side chick, but I didn't know.
I met this guy and we immediately hit it off. We had so much in common and he was so easy to talk to. I fell for him hard. He had shared with me that his last breakup was awful, so he wanted to take things slow and not rush into anything. He told me I was the first girl that caught his interest in over a year. This meant we only saw each other and spoke on the phone 2-3 times a week. To some of my friends and family it was a bit odd and honestly sometimes it was very difficult, but it worked for us.
About a month after we met, he tells me that he wasn't very honest with me before and that he had been casually dating someone else. I was a little shocked, but he assured me that it was over, and I was the only girl he was dating.
Months go by and things are going so well between us. I really felt such a strong connection with him. As I said before, we only spoke a few times during the week. This was usually on a weekday. So, I was a bit surprised when he randomly called me on a Saturday and told me that he needed to speak with me. He tells me again that he had not been very honest with me. He starts sobbing and tells me that the girl he told me about several months before was his girlfriend. I was speechless and confused so I just hung up on him.
He spent the next week convincing me that he broke up with her and that it was over. He told me that he met her a few months before me and had been trying to break up with her since we met, but he felt guilty. I don't know why, but I believed him…
Fast forward to about 1.5 years later. Things between us were good and I was happy. I was seeing him more throughout the week and it seemed like we spent most of our time together playing video games and enjoying each other's company. I get a text from his best friend asking if we could meet for lunch later in the week. I was close to most of his friends, so this was a common occurrence.
We meet for lunch and the friend is unusually quiet. After 10 minutes of sitting in almost silence he tells me that my boyfriend has been lying to me. I found out that my "boyfriend" had been in a relationship with someone else for almost 8 years. The same girl that he had lied to me about twice. I didn't want to believe what I was hearing. I was so angry at him and all his friends who had been lying to me. I got up, walked out and went home. I was being bombarded with texts and calls for a few days before I changed my number. He kept showing up at my house, but my brother would tell him to leave. I never really spoke to any of them after that. I just walked away.
I still get emails from him, but I don't bother reading them. I feel that once a cheater, probably always a cheater.
Looking back now there were a ton of red flags. I just wish that I paid more attention to them. I really did love him. I find it so hard to trust people now, but I hope that with time it will get easier.Mammalogy_
Watch out for Juan!
My sister's friend introduced her to a coworker that she thought would be her type. She went on and on about how great he was and how they'd hung out a few times. Because they lived in different cities a few hours apart, she only really saw him on the weekends and because he was a resident physician, he was typically pretty busy, so visits were sparse.
They dated for almost two years, and there were a few red flags along the way. He'd get mysterious texts or calls from another woman, but when questioned, he'd say it was a nurse from the hospital that was really into him. The friend who introduced them dismissed the nurse as a crazy person.
But let me tell you. This guy. This total piece of crap. He came to family functions, spent holidays with us, bought us gifts. For two years, we accepted this guy into our family. Then my aunt dies, and we're all expecting him to come to the funeral to support my sister. He tells her he's on his way. We wait and wait. All day. He never shows up, and he isn't answering his phone. My sister was calling hospitals along his route to see if he was admitted from an auto accident. By nightfall we were all so worried that my brother volunteered to make the several-hour drive with my sister to where he lived, fully expecting to see his SUV smashed up on the side of the turnpike.
What they weren't expecting was to find him tucked in at home with the woman from the mysterious text messages. She was his girlfriend of several years, and my sister was the side piece. (Nice friend who introduced them?)
It was pretty devastating for our entire family, and even though he wrote us an apology, I don't accept or believe a word of it. The asshole ended up marrying the girlfriend, and I think they have a couple of kids now.
It's one thing to have someone on the side. I get it. Not that I condone it, but we're all human. Just be straight with them and don't involve their family. And for the love of God, find a better time than a funeral to be discovered.
Lastly, F you, Juan!
A "Side" family...
Didn't know I was the side chick until I found out that I was pregnant.
Pregnancy was miserable. On top of me being hurt over the whole thing, I was threatened that if anyone found out, he'd take my daughter out of the country. He had the financial means to do so and is a citizen from another country than me so it was likely it would have gotten really messy. He put me through hell the entire 9 months. Did some really mean, hateful shit to me. The last time I had any contact with him was the day before I went into labor when he texted me and offered a large sum of money if I would put her up for adoption. I was in my 30's at the time, financially stable, emotionally and mentally ready and had already become attached to my baby so his bribe was laughable.
The next day, I had a beautiful, incredibly perfect little girl whom I absolutely adore. She is almost 4 and it's been the best 4 years of my life. I'm grateful that he's not around. Being a single mom is rough sometimes but she makes it worthwhile.
So be happy for me, because I sure am.
I was an original numero uno, but after my divorce became the side chick for a little while. The reason was nostalgia. Yes I hooked up with my ex husband post divorce while he was seeing somebody. He was playing us against one another for a while... I don't even know how long. He's with her now and I won't go back to all that again.
Send my love to your new lover...
Married 20 years to my high school sweetheart. Found out he was involved in a 3-year affair with a co-worker when my daughter's friend caught them out together.
I confronted him, he denied it repeatedly...I believed him. Fast-forward 3 months, he finally confessed when he told me it was over between them and he begged my forgiveness. Several months go buy, I catch him sneaking off to meet her and confronted him. He begged me not to tell her husband because they were acquaintances and he was violent...I believed him but contact his side chick and asked to meet up. We met, she denied any sexual involvement until confronted with the evidence I had, then claimed no current involvement with him...I did NOT believe her OR him after that, but... He kept coming around, saying he loved me and asking for reconciliation. I agreed, just so I could plan the divorce and be the side chick in his relationship with What's her face. We divorced 6 months later. She dumped him. I am happy!
In the gay world, this is much more of a gray area. Open relationships are common. To the point where if you meet someone on Grindr who says that they're in a relationship, it's natural to assume that it's an open one... Because Grindr is a sex app... Yes, some guys go on their to meet people to date. But if we're all being real, it's to find that 🍑
I met this guy who I fooled around with, and we had such a great time we figured we'd do it again. Again turned into an ongoing tryst, where we'd text each other at least once a week to meet up.
One time at his place, we heard the door open. Obviously I hadn't met his partner yet. And was under the impression that he was always traveling for work. My thoughts were, well this is going to either get really awkward or really great. Three is company (again, gay world is different). The guy I'm with freaks out though, and I then realize that something is wrong. I'm thinking that maybe a relative of his dropped by or something... Like his mother popping in? You already know how this actually went down, but I was so naive until he started throwing clothes at me and telling me I needed to slip out the back as he distracted his partner.
What's messed is that he had the nerve to reach out after. 1) to clarify and apologize.... Cool, I accepted it But 2) to see if I wanted to come over again.
I never texted back. His d**k was good, but it wasn't 'that' good. Bye.
Unhook me!
GiphyWe originally met at a party and started randomly popping into each other all over town. I've never felt as strong a connection with anyone as I have with her, so compatible across so many dimensions. We would hang out as friends for a while but there was definitely a lot of tension between us.
One night she comes out with my friends and I and we end up drunkenly hooking up at my place. This leads to an affair that lasted a few months. We would eat lunch, work out, play softball, make dinner, had our own spots around town, etc. I felt more like the main dude to be honest. This was all really messed up but I caught feelings and kept going with it. Eventually I fell for her and said I wasn't cool with what we were doing anymore but wanted to pursue what we had without strings attached.
Cue a month of her flip flopping back and forth on whether she wants to date me or stay with bf; he knows about the affair and wants her back. She keeps talking to me but also talks with her (ex?) too so at this point I don't know what their deal is. She has come to parties with me and him in recent months; even coming with him once and taking me home, though the reason was I ended up getting sick, she didn't talk to me much before that.
All I know is I've been a nervous wreck about this whole situation and fully deserve it. I have no idea who is the side dude or not but she has me hooked.
Why did I do it? I felt a strong emotional connection and decided to be a selfish crappy person. I ruined this dude for no reason and ruined any possible relationship with someone I love because I didn't stand my ground when this all started.
About every day, but I knew she had a boyfriend so never thought anything more of it. After a couple weeks things were getting more and more intimate between us and eventually led to hooking up and staying over at her apartment a number of times. I felt awful but justified it by knowing I never made a move on her, and it was her choice to go through with it.
It was weighing heavy on my conscience so I told her while she was in a relationship we couldn't continue hooking up. She told me that she was planning on breaking up with her boyfriend, which made me feel slightly better. A couple days later she told me she broke up with him so we got back to hooking up. Only for me to find out at the end of the summer just before I flew back to Canada, they never actually broke up.
My first time being in a situation like this and would definitely never voluntarily go through that again.
Beware the crappy people...
I was pretty low for awhile after my ex-wife and i split up. i had been cheated on and i had a pretty drastic change in heart about how i felt about hooking up with someone who was married, given things that had gone down in my own relationship. Came to feel like, if me hooking up with a married woman was a problem, it was a problem between the husband and wife, and their marriage. I felt like if the woman had decided to sleep around she was going to do it, so it might as well be with me.
I don't do that anymore, but i don't think it's because i've fixed my point of view. I was hooking up with a lot of crappy people and decided to stop that behavior, and came to realize most folks that would cheat on a spouse are crappy people, pretty jaded on relationships and people in general these days.
I had recently broken up with my boyfriend of 2 years, where he emotionally and physically abused me the second half of it. He had cheated on me no less than 7 times, so when I finally found the courage to leave I felt scorned and selfish.
A good male friend of mine, who I knew had a girlfriend, was constantly hitting on me now that I was single, and I had always fantasized about him, and now that I was single, I was in too dark of a place to care about his girlfriend, I finally wanted my comeuppance. I ended up being his side chick for about 2 months before I realized that the "relationship" wasn't as therapeutic as I thought, and I was only hurting other people.
I consider that honestly one of the worst things I've ever done. If I could take it back I absolutely would. I ruined a loving relationship of 4 years because another totally separate relationship of mine messed me up from the inside.
Heartbreak drives to rationalize the irrational. I have learned how utterly disgusting cheating is from both sides, and I will NEVER be a part of it again. With that I will also never stay in a cheating relationship ever again.
jessysav20
Break the Cycle...
This is a really horrible story. Started seeing a guy and right off the bat he lied about women he was hooking up with. Broke things off with him because I didn't want the drama I was getting roped into unknowingly. But we actually clicked as friends so we still talked.
I then started dating an alcoholic who did some not so nice things to me. The first guy was the only one who believed me and helped me though the rough patch. Stupid me started seeking physical comfort from my self confessed man whore of a friend.
The alcoholic ex found out and lightly stalked me and had a major blow up and confronted me and my friend. That is how I found I was the side chick.... From my psycho ex. This whole series of events has killed my self esteem. I feel like garbage. I still keep going back to the friend even though I know I'm the side piece. I've tried dating but new men scare the crap out of me. I've cried about it. I've tried reasoning the guilty feelings away. I have even thought of killing myself over it.
It's a sad and lonely life. And I have been dealing with this for seven years. You get to the point where you think so little of yourself and you think this kind of relationship is all you are good enough for. It's a really ugly cycle.
I was the side dude for a while. She wasn't ever totally clear what her arrangement with her boyfriend was, and I liked f**king her no strings attached. Turns out she was full on cheating on him, oh well, she violated his trust, not me.
I'll see you at the bottom.
Similar with me. When I met her, she had just broken up with her boyfriend. Little did I know, they did this every few weeks. So she's at my place on a date, he calls and tells her he's suicidal, and then he comes and picks her up (again, from my place!).
I was so in love with her, this lasted a few months. She'd leave him, have a great time with me, then he'd threaten to cut or kill himself, and she'd go running back. I feel so stupid that it went on so long. I honestly thought I could fix her. Turned out I couldn't, and I looked like an A-hole in the meantime.