I've written about backhanded compliments before, but not every backhanded compliment is offensive and not every offensive compliment is backhanded.
Some offensive compliments are the result of "alpha male" social media influencers—who claim to be pick-up artists—advising their followers to use "negging."
"Negging"—short for negative feedback—is calculated emotional manipulation "whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and attempt to engender in them a need for the manipulator's approval."
It's pretty sh*tty behavior and anyone who resorts to it—or following self-proclaimed alpha males online—is single for a good reason.
But some offensive compliments are the result of unintentional ignorance.
Reddit user thebrownettegarfield asked:
"Women of reddit, what is something completely offensive a man has said to you, thinking it was a compliment to you?"
How Not To Get A Promotion
"I heard a colleague say 'I bet you were a stunner when you were younger' to our Chief Operating Officer at a staff party."
"I knew he meant it as a compliment, but ouch..."
~ Gr1ml0ck1981
Neigh
"'You have horse legs'."
"Guy intended to compliment my leg musculature but instead left me envisioning myself as a literal centaur."
~ Morbid_Explorerrrr
I'll Walk From Here, Thanks
"One time a cab driver told me I looked 'kidnappable'."
~ TheSpasticSarcastic
Voyeurism Isn't Flattering
"Recently overheard a guy—customer—say to a woman store clerk 'You're so pretty if knew where you lived I'd totally watch you with my drone'."
~ OhTheHueManatee
How He'd Fix You
"That he wishes he could fuse my head onto my best friend's body."
"I'm more conventionally attractive in the face, but she's petite. I'm sturdier, like my strong fisherman ancestors."
"Dude genuinely thought he was complimenting us both. 🤣"
~ Softbombsalad
Not Interested In Who Is Which
"A coworker once walked up to me and another woman and said, 'Well, if it isn't the brains and the beauty!'."
"The other woman gave him a flat look and said, 'You realize, of course, that you've just insulted both of us'."
~ remberzz
Not How It Works
"A bloke came up to my wife and said 'you’re too pretty to be in a wheelchair'."
~ fatheadsflathead
Yeah, No
"'I feel like we're already in a relationship, but if you promise to lose weight we can make it official'."
~ Katebeagle
Fantasy Or Misogyny? 🤔
"'If you had a dick, you’d be perfect'."
"Sir… what?"
~ Emmibolt
Lactose Intolerance
"'I see you drinking 1% milk. Is that cause you think you're fat? Because you're not. You could be drinking whole milk if you wanted to'."
~ vicemagnet
Keep Dreaming
"'I've always wanted to have sex with a Black woman'."
~ BergenHoney
It's Because Of The Anime
"'Your eyes are pretty and big for an Asian'."
~ Moon_Jewel90
Not There For Job Advice
"'You have a face that would do well in [sex work]...by this random guy walking past my car while I was sitting in a parking lot, waiting for my daughter."
"I rolled up my window."
~ Laursb0rn
How To Guarantee You Never Will
"I had a great time with you tonight even though I didn’t get to have sex."
~ benchchu
trash GIFGiphy
Who Looks At A Stripper's Feet‽‽
"More surprising than offensive."
"I was wandering around the mall with a male friend I've known since we were 13 or 14. I decided to try on a pair of cute platform shoes on clearance."
"After I put them on, he said, 'Whoa... you've got stripper feet'."
"When I asked what that meant, he said I had 'little, tiny, stripper feet'. I wear a US size 4/5 so my feet are smaller than average."
"But I had no idea that made them stripper feet. Or that my friend might have a foot fetish. 😬"
~ LakotaGrl
What's the most offensive compliment you've heard?
@jessicachastain/Instagram
