Being in a relationship can be wonderful, but it's not without its ups and downs.
In order for it to work, we have to allow it to grow and change over time rather than being locked forever into what it was when we first started dating our person.
But sometimes something that we once loved about our partner might become something that we just might want to break up with them over.
Curious, Redditor danger_close555 asked:
"What was once attractive in your spouse but now is soul-grating?"
If He Wanted To, He Would
"I really respect that he always tries to go above and beyond to help his family and friends. Now it sometimes feels like there’s no place for me."
- underthestarr
"I feel that with my entire being. The ability to even attend one event or go to one place that I would enjoy is too much of an ask. Mom, Dad, friends…he’ll do it all for them. Did not realize that my interests wouldn’t be included as a spouse."
- Specific_Presence951
No Interest In The Encyclopedia
"My ex-wife used to love how I 'always knew random stuff about everything.' During our first years together, she would point at a book or a place, and I'd try to give some information about the author or some historical context to the type of building, etc."
"She slowly stopped asking me for it and even made fun of me for googling things when I wasn't too sure about them. And, then, by the end, when we were doing one last push to try and stay together, she told me she found me boring, and she only listened to my random facts to humor me while wanting to scream inside her head."
- Tattoo-ootta7
Constant Need To Socialize
"He was super outgoing, loved socializing, and was the life of the party."
"He just could not sit at home or hang out with me. He had this compulsion to leave. On our wedding night, he was out with friends till 5:00 AM. When I was hospitalized with a serious illness, he called his friends over to hang out in the hospital waiting area and left me to hang out with them. At the birth of our child, he was out celebrating with friends."
"It was this weird pathological compulsion to party that got old very fast."
- 100thusername
The Toxic Family
"Him being a family man. I came from a small family of addicts and alcoholics, so the idea of having a family who wanted to spend time together was a green flag to me at the time."
"Six years later… my in-laws realized they didn’t want me in their family because that meant my (now ex) husband had to be MY husband first and their 'precious son' second."
"Wanting personal time with him meant I was 'stealing him' away from the family. He couldn’t put his foot down with his family, and his family couldn’t admit that my ex-husband had flaws like everyone else. Everything was 'my fault,' and it severely damaged our marriage."
- Cute-Aardvark-9428
What Decisions?
"He was super chill, just a go with the flow kinda dude. Now it infuriates me because he struggles to make decisions."
- CrabbiestAsp
"My ex gf was like that. At first, it was endearing. After a while, I hated how little she cared about anything. It was so annoying."
- abart90
"My husband cares about stuff, but he just wants me to be happy, so he wants me to pick everything I want. But sometimes I just want him to make choices so I don't have to."
- MissAuroraRed
Never Taken Seriously
"I found it funny when he didn’t let the conversation turn really serious by having a sense of humor and saying something randomly funny, everything felt light and nice."
"Now I can’t have serious conversations with him for longer than three minutes without mentioning that what I want is a serious conversation and to stop making jokes that are not needed."
- Proper_Jellyfish
Not A Joking Matter
"His sense of humor. Now he will roast me every chance he gets."
- TheSecretSecretary
"My husband was this way. Thought it was funny to joke and say mean things."
"Once he did it to me in front of other people and like tried to make me the joke. I drew a line in the sand and told him, 'Hey, when you do that to me, I really don’t like it. I know you think it’s funny, but over time, it becomes really hard to think you don’t really think those things about me, since you say them so often.'"
"I just had to remind him a few times, but it did stop, and we’re better because of it. A first normal reaction is to be defensive, 'You can’t take a joke, blah blah blah,' but I just responded something like, 'Well, maybe not, but I don’t like the way it makes me feel, and I thought you as my husband could understand and respect that.' He thought about it and came around."
- YoouAlreadyKnow
Chill Or Uninvolved?
"I used to love how chill and laid-back she was. Nothing ruffled her, and I thought it was so grounding. But now, it’s not chill, it’s passive. I’ll be stressing over plans or house stuff, and she's just there, acting like everything's alright. No reaction at all."
- lazerbeem123456
"Yes... 'chill' becomes uninvolved."
- EnvironmentalEase285
Sharing Is Caring
"He could speak about his emotions so easily and openly, and that was very impressive to me, and I'm the opposite."
"Ten years down the road, I learned to express my emotions a bit better, but there was never space for me to do so because he would talk about his all the bloody time."
"Everything was about him and how it made him feel, and I was like... well... I know you're not used to me expressing that, but I'm feeling things too!"
- ThrowRA_RuaMadureira
Workaholic Life
"His ambition and work ethic. Now all I see is that he’s a workaholic."
- jesscmarks
"My husband will go go go, at work and at home. Never stops. My girlfriends with husbands who need to be told what to do are so envious of me. And I’m like, 'Yes, and there’s a dark side. He can’t relax, he can’t enjoy.' It really wears you down."
- itsadialectic
Boundaries And Commitment
"His willingness to help people. It was great, and I thought, oh, he’s so kind!! But then I noticed that when I needed help with something… he was too busy because he was helping so-and-so. I have to beg for it. It’s maddening."
- hylieanjijinx
"I always wonder when this happens if you have become so close he sees you as an extension of himself, and he doesn’t take as good care of himself as he would others, so you become neglected. Does that resonate at all?"
- snossberr
Offensive Instead Of Funny
"He always said 'funny,' things but now they just sound offensive."
- Short-Quit-7659
"I can agree. My kids' mom, she would talk trash, and I mean like with the best of them, and I always thought it was funny, but she would do it in private, and after a few years, it was just the worst. Always getting put down."
- danger_close555
Not A Therapist
"He initially came across as quiet/mysterious, and then it morphed into or revealed itself to be emotionally unavailable, but I’m not perfect either, and we have gone to therapy and are getting better."
- catpunsfreakmeowt
Holier Than Thou Workaholic
"How driven he is. It’s great to see him working hard for his goals, but it’s hard being with a workaholic who thinks you’re lazy because you don’t want to work 70 hours a week like they do."
- oldhagbag
"My spouse absolutely doesn't get why I'm not into the career climb. It's all he cares about (yes, more than me), and me being completely satisfied working only 8 hours and not wanting to be disturbed by work at home blows his mind."
"He says I'm not driven enough. And over time, I realized he's incapable of being happy and content."
- cloistered_around
A Clock That's Right Twice Per Day
"This is a now ex of many years, but I found him to be really smart, engaged, and achievement-oriented. He is certainly the last two, but over time, I realized he mostly came off as intelligent because he just talked SO MUCH."
"Truly, in retrospect, it was like dating Joe Rogan. He would talk endlessly about everything, things he knew nothing about, and with such confidence. Insufferable once you notice it."
- Spicei
A Sad Reality
"This post is going to trigger a lot of breakups."
- Adi_San
"I hope so. Some of these comments are sad."
- StarPhish
Some of these left our minds reeling, because they seem like such great qualities at first, but it's easy to see how they could grate over time.
Sometimes, there's such a thing as too much of a good thing, and it can certainly become terrible if it evolves into something negative.
