People Share What Marriage Advice They'd Give To Newlyweds

Whenever we see a couple getting married, we hope their relationship will last forever and overflow with happiness.

But there are pieces of advice that a person who has been married for a while would love to give to a newlywed.

Heartwarmingly, it's not all just, "Don't get married."

Curious, Redditor crazyplantladyxo asked:

"What is the best marriage advice you have for newlyweds?"

No Airing Out The Laundry

"As someone who is divorced and made mistakes, I told newlyweds sitting at a bar next to me that however stressful things get, never get your in-laws involved in your arguments."

- PromiseMental275

"BINGO. You keep your problems inside your own house."

- Elfich47

The Ultimate Killer

"Resentment is the silent relationship killer. If you feel it, talk about it, and be ready to f*cking act if your partner feels it."

"Once resentment hits a certain point, there's no recovery."

- Bluezephr

"On the flip side, if your spouse brings up that they are feeling resentment, please listen to them. Try not to be defensive, especially when kids are involved."

"Kids take so much time and energy away from a couple, especially the first few years. Toddler years anyone? Bueller? Bueller? (We have a three-year-old, and holy f**k, are we stressed some days)."

- PsychFlower28

"This is SO important. When resentment exists (and it will always happen in a relationship), you NEED to deal with it. You can't throw it back and be like, 'Well you did this first' or something. It's not about winning. It's about working through problems."

- Bluezephr

That Home Belongs To Both Of You. Act Like It.

"Do chores together. My wife and I fold laundry together, often cook together, typically weed flowerbeds together, and clean the house at the same time."

"The sense of working together to maintain or improve your living conditions forges good bonds, and it keeps BOTH of us involved in OUR home."

- That_Ol_Cat

"That makes the chores faster for both of you, too!"

- Ok-Vacation2308

Grow Together

"Throughout marriage, you and your partner will inevitably change over time. It is important to make a conscious effort to adjust and change together. Be flexible and learn to bend some as rigidity leads to breaking."

"Also, communication is incredibly important both in the words you say and how you say them."

- Kinda_Ok_Upstairs

Stay Connected In Many Ways

"Go to bed angry. Despite everyone telling you the opposite, go sleep in another room, on the couch, etc. You both need time to cool off. Don't shame your partner for walking away when their emotions are getting too high. They may not be ignoring you or dismissing you, but trying to wrangle their emotions."

"Be honest with each other on everything, don't get angry when your partner is being honest with you, the alternative can lead to resentment or worse. Sometimes honesty is hard to hear, so there is a time for honesty, and right before bed, a movie, or a big event, is NOT the right time."

"Give your partner time to themselves, 30 to 60 minutes when they get home, a few hours on a weekend, just some time to themselves. Make sure they know that it's time for them, and that you can have time together after."

"Make household chores a game. Sexually tease your partner as you clean, do laundry, etc. Rub up against them, kiss them passionately then walk away. A touch, a grope, etc. See if you get lucky or the house gets clean, the reward is worth it either way."

"Take over the thing/chore your partner hates or split it with them. They hate to cook? You cook. They hate to do/fold laundry? You do that now, and vice-versa. I hate cleaning the shower/bathtub. I fold/do/put away all the laundry, every week. By myself. 100%, and she cleans the shower because she hates laundry."

"Been married 20+ years, there is a lot more, but I think these are good starting points for newlyweds."

- StarFighter-51

A Balancing Act

"Marriage isn't a 50-50 effort, it's 60/40 with both of you trying to be the 60."

- GapingA**Troll

"I received similar advice when I got married but was told that marriage isn’t a 50-50 kinda thing, it’s a 100-100 thing. It’s two people giving it their all."

- ralanis

"I like the 60-40 verbiage better, nobody's capable of giving 100% all of the time. Sometimes the pendulum swings where one person has to do more for a period of time, but as long as there's tradeoff and someone's not always carrying the load, you're good."

- Ok-Vacation2308

Keep Dating Them After You've "Landed" Them

"Date your spouse. Don't use marriage as an excuse to be shut-ins."

- Mizerooskie

"I think the better way to phrase this is: Keep doing the little fun things you did before you got married."

"Some people like to stay in, or when they go out, they just grab some coffee and bring it home, etc., listening to music and dancing around, watching a movie together on the big TV, giving each other massages."

"Not everyone likes to literally go out on dates. A stay-at-home date counts, too."

- shwooper

Be A Team

"It should always be you and your partner versus the problem, never you against your partner. You are a team, even when you disagree with each other. Contempt is one of the four horsemen of a breakup/divorce."

- trick_tickler

"This is especially important to remember if/when you ever have kids. It’s you and your spouse against the enemies. Tiny, adorable, helpless enemies determined to suck every ounce of energy from you."

- DirtyMerlin

Keep It At Home

"Praise in public, criticize in private."

- YounomsayinMow

"F**k yes, dude. Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than people s**t-talking their partner in public."

"It's one thing to tease and playfully poke fun at each other's foibles with friends. But the actual dirty laundry needs to be aired privately in a safe and supportive environment. F**king hate seeing someone get publicly embarrassed by their partner."

- SnuggleBunni69

"I've watched several younger employees' relationships and marriages fall apart over the years. Almost as a rule, way too many people knew about aspects of the relationships that never should have left the home. Sure, some people are in situations where they really need a trusted advisor or a sympathetic ear, but that's not a half-dozen (mostly unmarried) coworkers in the cafeteria."

- Gruneun

Just Don't.

"Don't cheat. It's not worth what happens."

- DarkPouncer

"Suffering from the consequences of my actions right now. Absolutely not worth it."

- Entire-Broccoli9001

A Life Of Respect

"Always be respectful and never curse at each other. In 20 years, we've never called each other anything insulting. I won't even jokingly call her anything derogatory."

- angmarsilar

"I live by this, and it makes a huge difference when there’s mutual respect."

- sunflower480

A Creative Solution

"All arguments will be done/had/conducted while nude. Has worked for us the last 35 years."

- naked_nomad

"We shower together when we need to have serious discussions. Both vulnerable, and the water can help soothe emotions."

- Mental_Vacation

"We just put in a hot tub about a year and a half ago, and it's been amazing for our marriage. We have some of our best and deepest conversations in there. We hardly ever even use the jets. We just soak in slightly bubbly warm water and chill."

- drainbead78

Share The Load

"Do the laundry, do the dishes, do the vacuuming. The number of arguments that could be avoided if you just kept up on your chores."

"There is no such thing as 'women' chores or 'man' chores."

"And just buy your wife the tampons she needs at the grocery store. The cashiers don’t care."

- Elfich47

Communication, Communication, Communication

"Communication is vital. I told my husband early on that if I made a meal and he didn’t like it, he needed to tell me, or else he’d end up eating it again. Honest communication tempered with love must happen."

"Spend time together. Not just watching TV but really being together in that moment."

"It’s ok to have hobbies or hang out with friends separately from time to time. You need to have a slice of life as yours, this is true. But don’t do that all the time. Don’t always be going in separate directions."

"When you get married, you and your spouse are a unit. Your family is you and your spouse (and kids). Your parents, your siblings, your friends… you aren’t married to them. So don’t let them insert themselves into your relationship."

- MadHatter06

It All Adds Up

"Before you even get married, don't go into heavy debt for your wedding. 99% of your attendees will never think about it again after six months."

"Don't use sex as a reward."

"Respect your partner's hobbies."

"Don't turn off the gaming console as a joke, and for God's sake, don't delete a f**king save file so they 'spend more time with you,' because I guarantee they will resent you for it."

"Don't hide money troubles."

"Don't expect all the expensive stuff."

"No, a baby will not save your marriage."

"Initiate sex randomly."

"Ladies, if your man is on the phone on the couch, walk up, straddle sit on his lap, and I guarantee you the phone will get tossed aside. It doesn't even have to be sexual. Most men crave physical contact, and that moment of bliss will calm him down."

"Don't sweat the small details."

"Yes, they may want to spend some time alone away from you. With the guys/gals. Let them. Same goes for you!"

- Orion_2kTC

There are countless helpful tips here for newlyweds and couples who want to revive or elevate their marriage.

It's not all about huge gestures, either; often, the smallest things have the biggest impact.