PIZZA. IS. NOT. A. SALAD.

I nearly lost my mind laughing at my buddy's bachelor party, late at night, sitting at a table after much drinking.

One of his friends, who is a lawyer, shared a theory that he'd heard. All foods can be categorized into four groups: Sandwich, Salad, Soup, or Ravioli. In other words, by this definition, a taco would be a sandwich (carb used to hold ingredients, open edges) whereas a calzone or a pop tart would be classified as a ravioli. This is obviously a ridiculous position, but most of us were used to this guy's nonsense.

However, one of the other guys at the table is from New York and took issue with this. He had never met the lawyer before this weekend. Things started getting heated. The more upset at these categories the guy from New York became, the more the lawyer doubled down and gave increasingly preposterous explanations and logic. "What about spaghetti you f-cker?" "Clearly a salad, it's tossed ingredients with a dressing." Meanwhile the rest of us were starting to lose it at how upset the New Yorker was getting.

It culminated in the guy from New York standing up out of his chair, slamming his hands against the table and passionately screaming "PIZZA IS NOT A F---ING SANDWICH" while the rest of us were crying laughing. Good times.

swingfire23

Something So Funny It's Violent

I have a Ukrainian coworker who was several decades older than me, and is a super serious, pretty strange guy. He has a very stereotypical oldschool Soviet style to him (he always speaks and identifies as Russian). He heard my friend and I telling trivial amusing stories to each other on a break, and joined our little circle with the biggest smile on his face. Looking to join in and relate, he explains that when he was in University he had a car, but his friends destroyed his car by literally blugeoning it to pieces and then beat him viciously as a prank.

You know, as friends do.

Then he could barely get through the next part of the story he was laughing so hard, when he explained that from then on he had to run to and from University. He said he ran so often with his bag that he ended up separating his abdominal muscles and severely injuring himself. By this point my friend and I are dying from laughter too, so our comrade feels great about his smash hit of a story and heads back to his desk.

I still won't go in a room alone with that guy.

ThatKarmaWh-re

My Sister Is Half-Coyote

Standing on the sidewalk next to one of those metal electrical boxes. My little sister is standing between me and the box, facing me. She shouts "TAG YOURE IT!" and spins around to run away at a full sprint.

She slams into the box just like Wile E Coyote running into a wall.

I have never laughed so hard in my life! The people passing by afterward just saw a six year old crying next to an adult laughing her a-- off uncontrollably on the ground. Eventually i composed myself and picked her up and told her she'll be alright. I felt so bad but d-mn if i wasnt suppressing giggles the whole way home.

notoriousfishtank

I Laughed So Hard I "Sit" Myself

My friend is from Japan. One time, she was trying to say "I was sitting on the bed," and instead she said, "I sh-t the bed."

I knew what she had meant to say, but I started laughing uncontrollably, something that was not helped by her yelling, "Nononononononono!" upon realizing she had royally f-cked up that sentence.

OMothmanWhereArtThou

Burning Rubber

During the peak of those "what in tarnation?" memes, my college buddies and I road tripped from Michigan to NO for Mardi Gras during our spring break.

About 10 hours in, when we were already feeling really goofy/bored from the long trip, a tire rolled across the highway in front of the car.

My friend, while the tire is still crossing our path, screams "WHAT IN TIIIIRE NAITON!".

And that stupid ass joke is the hardest I've ever laughed.

a_trane13

Tragedy is Best Followed By Comedy

Told the story before, but it still one of my favorites:

Small child, maybe 4 years old is running with 2 two liter bottles of soda (maybe it was root beer). Lots of bouncing already. Then she trips, bottles go flying and she face plants. She lifts her head up to cry.... and just then... at that perfectly timed moment, the cap blows off one of the bottles into her face spraying her with soda and foam. Her mother runs over, still pushing the shopping cart for some reason, and naturally, slips on the other soda and trying to catch herself grabs the side of the shopping cart she and cart tip over. A bag of flour explodes and covers the sticky child.

All of this was done with the precision of a 1940s comedy short, it was really impressive. And sadly, I did not get to film it.

xilstudio

Comedy Comes In Stages

It was in summer this year actually.

There was a middle aged couple walking in front of me with Ice creams. The guy obviously didn't see the step ledge on the floor coming up and tripped over it. As he tripped over his flailing arm shoved the ice cream right onto an oncoming child's forehead. The ice cream cone stayed in place for a couple of second before it slid off. The kid looked like a f-cking unicorn.

I was literally crying with laughter and it was so hard to compose myself. You had to be there, but omg the funniest scene of events ever.

Millennial123

Luckily, It Wasn't Milk

In college my roommates and I had a fun ritual for putting away our groceries after shopping. There were so many of them we had to find a fun way to do it!

I posted myself with all the bags in the dining room and the other 4 posted in the kitchen. Then, I'd just start throwing the stuff at them. Pretty quick I might add.

It didn't matter if it was glass, milk jugs, soda, it got thrown. And they always caught it.

Until one day I threw a gallon of orange juice.

They all thought someone else had it and it ended up exploding all over the kitchen. A gallon of anything is a lot when it's suddenly all over the floor!

We all started laughing while trying to clean it up, tears and everything, but then one of my roommates looked at all of us and said "It's a good thing it wasn't milk, otherwise this would've been an udder catastrophe!"

At that, we all broke down laughing, on the ground, in the orange juice. It was just too perfect. Our abs and faces hurt so much from all the laughing.

In conclusion, I miss my roommates.

pandaspawdraws

Burning Rubber

During the peak of those "what in tarnation?" memes, my college buddies and I road tripped from Michigan to NO for Mardi Gras during our spring break.

About 10 hours in, when we were already feeling really goofy/bored from the long trip, a tire rolled across the highway in front of the car.

My friend, while the tire is still crossing our path, screams "WHAT IN TIIIIRE NAITON!".

Man vs. Machine

At a party someone started a riding lawnmower up, turned the steering wheel to the left and put it in high gear so it ran around in circles. It was funny at first but got annoying after a while so we tried to shut it off. The problem is it was moving pretty fast and we were all too drunk to catch it. Every time one of us would try to grab it and hop on, we would miss fall over and get ran over by the lawnmower.

It got so funny watching everyone try that we couldn't stop laughing. We eventually started throwing rocks at it which was even funnier trying to see drunk people try and aim a rock at a moving object.

This went on for a good hour before it ran out of gas.

higbee77

13/10

Took my younger brother to one of the early X-Men movies years ago.

I asked him what he thought. "I give it a 7 .... out of 11 .... million".

Stupid, but I laughed. Then laughed more, and couldn't stop laughing. I couldn't drive us home for a while I was laughing so hard.

fmoss

You Know, As Cousins Do...?

Back in the mid-90's when I was a 15-something teenager. My cousins and I had the house to ourselves, so one decides to put a porno in the VCR. I warned him that my dad was coming home soon and that he might want to think twice, but he didn't heed my warning. We kept watching the front door so we'd be ready to eject the tape and not get caught; lo and behold my dad just happened to come through the side door in the garage that day and was suddenly standing there behind us.

Myself and one of my cousins bolted out of the room when we noticed him, the 3rd cousin wasn't so lucky. He noticed us running off and, with my dad right behind him, shouted after us, "Hey, where you guys going?" At that point I lost all feelings in my legs as I fell to the floor in laughter. I could still see my cousin through the hallway, as he was slowly turning around and noticing my dad behind him, at which point he jumped back around, frantically trying to figure out how to turn off the VCR, but to no avail. It was one of those really old VCR's where Stop and Eject weren't on the front of the unit. He finally just dropped to his knees and tried "hugging" the TV to block the picture, crying that he was sorry.

I turned so red from laughter that it felt like I was running a fever, I had difficulty breathing for the rest of the day and my ribs felt like they'd been shattered. My poor cousin though, he not only got caught watching porn in hilarious fashion, but he also got teased for years.

Everything80sFan

H/T: Reddit