This just in, guys. Butt worms make you gay.
At least, that's the ridiculous reasoning given by "academic" Mariam Al-Sohel.
Al-Sohel is well known throughout Kuwait as a researcher devoted to finding reasons for homosexuality and attempting to cure it. Her work is widely panned throughout respected scientific communities, but she makes frequent television appearances that garner her a lot of attention.
This most recent appearance certainly has the world talking. It's not good talk... but they're talking.
To fully understand what you're about to hear, you need a bit of back story on her totally-scientific beliefs.
First of all, Al-Sohel believes that homosexuality is literally a disease that needs to be cured. Al-Sohel acknowledges four "genders" — male, female, feminine gay, and "butch" lesbians.
Somehow, in her scientific research, she's never discovered a lipstick lesbian, a masculine gay man, anyone who is gender fluid/neutral, or just a good old fashioned regular human being who happens to like other regular human beings who have the same parts?
We're questioning her scientific methods already.
But what does she think "masc. for masc." means, though?
@MEMRI / Twitter
The last, and probably least surprising, thing you need to know is that Al-Sohel claims to have discovered the cause of male homosexuality as well as the cure — and she will totally sell it to you.
Mariam Al-Sohel has "discovered" that the cause of homosexuality in men is anal worms that have an insatiable thirst for semen.
Take your time with that one. It took us a moment to move past making this face:
So, anyway, back to butt worms!
Apparently the worms are transmitted through "sexual attack," but we aren't 100% sure of the mechanisms here.
What about gay men who only top? Or those who practice any of the myriad of non-penetrative sexual options? Do they have semen-guzzling butt worms, too? If so, how do their worms get fed?
How do men who have never been anally penetrated get worms in the butt in the first place? What about young children who have had no sexual experiences but know that they are gay? Were they born with butt worms like how some puppies are just born with worms and aphids are just born pregnant?
Are we going to end up on some watch list now because we're asking so many butt worm questions?
We guess none of these questions really matter because now, Al-Sohel has a cure? She has invented anal suppositories that "calm" the errant sexual urges by exterminating the semen-snacking butt-buddies.
Interestingly, she claims that the suppositories also work for helping "butch lesbians" to become straight — but we feel like having a case of semen-craving worms in women would sort of negate the whole "butch lesbian" thing? Like... if lesbians wanted to be straight, wouldn't they want a case of semen-craving worms?
Again. So many questions. So many watch lists.
Al-Sohel does offer one moment of misguided comfort to those who watched the interview. While many in Kuwait view homosexuality as something shameful, horrific, and deserving of violence, Al-Sohel does not. She just sees it as yet another case of dreaded butt worms.
She casually drops this sentence early in her interview:
MEMRI / Twitter
While it's certainly not acceptance (I mean, we're writing a whole article about butt worms because of her), it is, ironically, the tiniest step towards some form of softness towards the LGBT+ community of her country. Half point to her there.
Now back to the madness. Al-Sohel says the suppositories are the same for both men and women, but the retrieval string is a different color for each so you know which one to use. She repeatedly stressed that they were exactly the same, so why this matters we have no idea.
The next step of her treatment is a diet.
According to her, certain foods build muscle and masculinity. For example, food that has been buried underground give men stability, build muscle and increase masculinity. The same goes for bitter foods — so manly men don't get to use sugar or salt.
It this because nothing can taste good, or else you'll be gay again?
Here is a 2 minute video of the interview that went up on Twitter.
Twitter's response was... um... passionate. Yeah. Passionate. That's a good word for it.