Married Women Reveal The One Thing You Should Know Before Tying the Knot

Being married isn't easy.

I've watched many a marriage crumble over the smallest of issues.

Too many people jump into a marriage just to be married.

Also, marriage and love have been over-romanticized in literature, television, movies, and music.

We've all fallen into the love at first sight, then happily ever after trap.

Marriage can be great, and love can be wonderful.

But it's not all smiles and roses.

Plenty of women can attest to that.

Redditor Future_Usual_8698 wanted the married gals out there to speak to the unmarrieds, so they asked:

"Married women of Reddit, what's one thing someone should know before getting married?"

ISSUES

"A marriage certificate doesn't magically fix your relationship issues."

- Emergency_Pound_944

"This! You should get married because you like your relationship exactly the way it is and want to keep doing that forever, not because you think getting married (or god forbid having a kid) will make your partner grow up and/or like you more."

- oceanteeth

Miss Piggy Wedding GIF by Muppet Wiki Giphy

Tools are necessary...

"Don't get married young in a cult... That stresses the 'sanctity of marriage' and gives you no tools to manage the relationship apart from prayer and shame that if your marriage isn't perfect, then you're failing God. Can't look bad to others or the outside world. Ugggghhhh."

- tamati_nz

"This is also a perfect recipe for cheating. I'm sorry to say. Most changes you go through are in your 20s, spiritually, physically, and mentally. A lot of dudes can't handle this when they are single, imagine when they are married."

- Ok-Yogurt-3914

Boundaries...

"In-laws can break your relationship. Always create boundaries."

- nowondershereplease

"And make sure your partner will enforce them with their parents, rather than letting you be the 'bad guy.'"

- HushabyeNow

"When my mother-in-law insisted my husband attend a third cousin's twice removed birthday party instead of taking care of me while I had the flu, that was it. We moved 2000 miles away. We have now been married 48 years."

- KatMagic1977

Same Team

"You work TOGETHER. Not against each other."

- Missdarcysays

"And just because you don’t agree on something doesn’t mean you’re no longer on the same team. You’re ALWAYS on the same team."

- mvl0505

"My ex-wife saw everything as adversarial because that’s the way she was raised. It was existentially exhausting to try and manage life with someone who saw everything as a zero-sum game. My now wife of twenty years is the complete opposite— she looks for compromise, balance, and teamwork."

- Hectordoink

Replicas

"My grandma always said, 'Don’t marry someone unless you wouldn’t mind having a kid who’s exactly like them.'"

- Superb-Story-3890

"You'll carry a baby for 9 months, go through hours of labor, put every last ounce of energy into their health and happiness."

"And they grow up to be a clone of their father. Not in a bad way. My husband is a wonderful person. I would just like some evidence that I was involved in the process at all."

- glitzglamglue

"So true! I just had a baby, and he’s a copy of my husband - I don’t recognize anything of myself in him! But I love them both so much, I wouldn’t wish it differently."

- PassageRadiant2271

$$ Matters

"Your partner's financial situation in full, and they should know yours. Married couples don't necessarily need to combine all of their money if that's not their preference, but in general, financial transparency is a must."

- AccessibleBeige

"And if your partner is financially irresponsible before marriage, you should really think about how that will affect you once you are married."

- cocovacado

Cash Money GIF by Shelem Giphy

Percentages

"It’s not always 50-50."

"Sometimes you have to support each other, and it’s 20-80 or 60-40 or 90-10 for a while. Shouldn’t always be this way, but sometimes one of you just can’t give the full 50 for whatever reason."

- Hellooooooo_NURSE

"This is some of the best marriage advice I got from a friend. As long as you're both giving whatever is your personal 100% at the time, even if that's only 10% of the whole and it's not always one person carrying it all without a good reason (eg spouse choosing to be a caregiver for another one knowing some things will just always be your 80%), you can get through those shifting divisions."

- 2nd_player

FUNDAMENTAL

"You can’t fundamentally change who someone is. If they show you who they are, believe them."

- animeari

"It’s challenging to know what is 'fundamental' when it comes to behavior. Some behavior is a reflection of what is fundamental, like dishonesty, lack of empathy, and lack of remorse. Some are coping skills or learned behaviors that can change with time when faced with harm to others, even some things that are really problematic behaviors."

"I guess that’s why I’ve settled on the importance of integrity. A person with integrity will change."

- Oneofmanystephanies

Stay calm...

"Don't go to bed angry, take a shower, eat a snack- communicate that you need to take time to think about it. Solutions are easier to find when you aren’t worked up and tired. It’s not always romantic butterflies kind of love, but it should always feel safe, like you have each other’s back and you both agree on the big picture.'

- buzznmytwat

Supposed to be...

"I learned this in sociology class: people carry within them a subconscious belief system about how things are 'supposed to be' when you’re married. A person doesn’t really have access to what all those beliefs are until after the deed is done. It varies a lot from person to person and is formed from the time you’re a small child by observing your parents' relationship, things you hear from others, media, and other sorts of social input."

"My first husband became a different person as soon as we got married, and not for the better. All of a sudden, I was expected to play a specific 'wife' role that was completely contrary to the deep discussions that we had had before we got married. The marriage lasted about two years, and it was a rough two years. I became extremely wary of marriage after that."

- Prairiegirl321

Let's Fight

"How the other person handles arguments. Not disagreements. Arguments. You need to see them during a very trying time before you marry. That will tell you so much about them."

- Otherwise_Candy_8412

Living Single Comedy GIF by Pretty Dudes Giphy

Speak Up

"Have all those hard, uncomfortable conversations with them that you’d rather do anything else but have. Those conversations will show both your true colors and help you understand if you’re actually compatible on a deep level. I’ve always thought it was important for personal values, big life goals, and respect to align in a serious relationship."

- EnoughNumbersAlready

Be Sure

"Make sure you’re getting married to be married, not to have a wedding. And really think about that…"

"You intend to be in the relationship for life; that’s what you’re promising when you get married. You think you won’t have to work on it? Wrong! Lots of work. Give and take. You won’t always be happy with one another or yourselves, so communicating and working together to grow alongside each other is so important."

"Think about what your absolute must-haves (and must-not-haves) in a partner. You won’t have all the musts, but most importantly, you should not have any 'must-nots' (partner is aggressive when angry, partner’s feelings about having kids are different from yours, etc.)."

"My husband and I have been together for 11 years next month, married 5.5 of them. He’s been with me through the worst moments of my life thus far, and also the best. He’s my best friend and confidant, but also he’s also annoying as f*ck sometimes. I’m sure he would say the same thing about me. I can’t imagine my life without him."

- throwawaypato44

Be Prepared

"Anyone can become disabled with no warning. That means you or your prospective spouse. No warning at all."

- JollyJeanGiant83

"In sickness or in health is much harder than for richer or for poorer. I’m a wife who was recently diagnosed with a life-changing chronic illness, and my husband and I both agree that the last two years have been the hardest thing we’ve ever done. And I once left him for being an alcoholic, so that’s saying something! Also, he’s been sober for 8 years 😊."

- ranch_life_1986

Fly High

"Someone with high integrity will change problematic behavior that hurts others, and this propensity to change is vital to a healthy marriage. Have high integrity, marry high integrity."

- Oneofmanystephanies

That is all vital information.

Most of it is all so simple.

But we're humans, we have to make it all difficult.

In sickness or in health is no joke.

That one hits hard and falls heavy.

Remember, "I Do" means you're also accepting this other person's baggage.

So you'd better be ready to carry.