an Oh Myyy Property

We all have some story of disaster or major drama surrounding Thanksgiving dinner. Something going wrong is practically inevitable when you put a bunch of people who only see each other a few times a year into one house and expect them to socialize. Besides, how many of us cook whole turkeys the rest of the year?


Redditor Kings___Slayer asks:

"What was that incident during Thanksgiving?"

User responses included extended family drama, general awkwardness, and some extraordinarily overcooked turkeys. Reading these made me very thankful for my family's comparatively mild weirdness.


Rub-A-Dub-Dub

Giphy

My grandma accidentally poured dish soap on the turkey instead of oil... might have been one of the funniest but most upsetting things I've ever seen.

-Gjlynch22

The Meat Is A Bit Rubbery

I thought it would be a funny prank to put a rubber chicken in the oven on Thanksgiving. My mom would laugh and laugh. Ho ho ho, there's a rubber chicken in the oven, what a gag.

13 year old me didn't realize that normal adults usually preheat the oven before putting the turkey in.

-shhh_its_sneakos

Grandma Got Run Over By A Martini

Giphy

My mother and grandmother had plans to go to a restaurant last year, my sister convinces them to go somewhere else at last minute. Of course this means no reservations but sister is convinced that it'll be fine and they might just have to wait a few minutes for a table. I live in another state so I get to experience all of this from a distance.

They end up sitting at the bar while waiting for a table, having a few drinks and appetizers. After the 2nd round of martinis my mother looks over and my grandmother is leaning back in her chair, completely limp and unresponsive. Everyone freaks out, paramedics are called, grandma is rushed to the ER.

I'm 1,200 miles away when my mother calls to tell me what happened. At this point grandma is at the ER, still unresponsive, crazy low blood pressure and high heart rate. I'm ready to book plane tickets and rush to the airport when mom calls back "Don't worry, everything's OK, your grandmother just got drunk." Her blood test came back completely normal except with a BAC of 0.24 (3x legal limit). She was awake now so I got to talk to her and she was crying "I'm so sorry, I've ruined Thanksgiving." I assured her that she hasn't ruined Thanksgiving, and that everyone is just happy she's OK.

So my grandma is 90 years old, about 4'8", 100lbs. She hadn't eaten anything all day because she knew they were having a big dinner. She also ordered another martini while no one was looking, so the 2nd martini was actually her 3rd. This turned into the perfect storm of really drunk grandma.

TL;DR Grandma got run over by a martini

-dalgeek

Too Bad About The Pie

My cousin stole a four wheeler from a police dispatcher and left it in our yard. Told us he and a buddy would come back later to get it cos it was out of gas. Mom sent me to Kroger that morning hoping they had pie shells and called me when I was driving back warning me not to speed cos police were all over our road. (We lived on farm a mile long country road. We were the only house on it.)

The police took our statements, retrieved the ATV, and we didn't have chocolate pie because of-freaking-course Kroger is gonna be out of frozen pie shells at 8AM on Thanksgiving morning, what were you thinking mama.

-life_inabox

The Saga Of The Legendary Floor Bird

This Thanksgiving would be special, we invited somewhere around 25 people (normally it would've been 12) and everyone arrived. Naturally, my mother bought a seriously large turkey, and had it slow cooking all day. It was going to be the highlight of the day and everyone was looking forward to it.

Fast forward, the turkey is out of the oven and is being carved. It looks and smells delicious, the table is set.

Everyone's sitting down at the table, passing around mashed potatoes and talking about whatever. My mom is bringing the turkey from the kitchen into the dining room.

She drops the turkey platter. It shatters, turkey and porcelain shards litter the floor.

Thankfully, most of the turkey was salvaged due to the 5 second rule. Some of us had shards of turkey platter on our plates but it wasnt a big deal.

The turkey WAS as good as it promised to be, and it is sometimes mentioned as the legendary floor bird.

-KevinNoy

Put A Lid On It

Giphy

I heard some screaming from outside my apartment. I opened the door and saw this lady running to the dumpster with a turkey still in the pan on fire. She threw it into the dumpster which then caught fire. I called 911 so the fire department could put it out.

-MeridianOne

I'd imagine being a 911 operator would be one of the most emotionally taxing jobs. One minute you get a call about the darkest most depressing thing. The next, lawd Jesus the bird is on fire.

-thedailywumbo16

Don't Get A New Oven Right Before Thanksgiving

My grandparents had a new oven, and my grandmother had never made a turkey in it before. The turkey drippings somehow caught fire and the kitchen filled up with smoke. We called 911 but by the time the fire department arrived, my dad and grandfather had put out the fire.

So, when the firemen arrived, there was no more fire. They were really nice and understanding. My grandmother was mortified. My drunk aunt tried hitting on all of the firemen even though she had a good 25-30 years on them. My cousin and I just stood in the front yard drinking beers in silence, watching it all play out.

Fortunately, the turkey was fine and dinner proceeded normally once everything settled down.

-Sp4ceH0rse

Dig A Trench!

I was somewhere around 10 to 12.

There was a brush fire in the field next to Grandmothers house. Small fire some 100 yards away, but everyone panicked not knowing how quickly it would spread and hell broke loose.

So there's My dad sprinting towards the side of the house, pick axe in hand, shouting "dig a trench!!!! DIG A TRENCH!!!!!!!" Then digging a small hole with the lock axe that would have stopped nothing.

Then he points and turns to my uncle yelling "THE HOSE!!!!" "THE HOSE!!!! Turn it on!!!!"

Then My uncle grabs a hose and starts running toward the field. But, the hose is connected to nothing.

Grandfather looking on calmly turns to my dad and goes "that hose ain't hooked up. I need someone to fix it for me."

Chaos continuing on the side of the house meanwhile a 2 year old gets left alone on the porch in the pandemonium so we're all watching the fire and finally my cousin goes "wheres (my sisters name)?" So then a bunch of people freak out and sprint back in panic to the porch to grab the kid.

All the while my dad is pickaxing the ground like a madman yelling "Dig a trench!!"

Ended with everyone except those digging a trench are crying laughing their ass off as the fire dept pulls to up take care of business in all of about 20 seconds. The fire never came even remotely close to the house.

-SaltySpitoonReg

What A Gas

Giphy

I was having a farting contest with my cousin in the bathroom. She let out one of those ones that ends in an upturned squeak, like her @sshole was meekly asking me a question. I lost it and threw my head back in laughter, and when my head came back down, it was into the granite counter top. At like 127 mph. I split my forehead open and had to go to the ER for stitches. But waittheresmore.

In the ER, one of the nurses asked how I cut my forehead and I told her I was laughing at a fart. She laugh-farted in response.

I was 11 so obviously it was the funniest goddamn thing that had ever happened to me.

Anyway I'm 30 now and still have that stupid scar right between my eyebrows and sometimes I remember how I ruined thanksgiving like 20 years ago and then a nurse farted and I laugh.

-Dirt-McGirt

This is utterly delightful, and I bet that nurse loves telling the story as one of her favorite "worked on a holiday" stories.

-OohLaLapin

Revealing Family Secrets

I was around 5-6 years old. Us kids were playing hide-n-seek and I hid way in the back of Grandma's closet. While I was hiding back there, I found this beautiful deep red robe, I assumed it belonged to my grandfather who died just after I was born. I tried it on and it was huge on me but the silk felt really smooth and cool, so I decided to go ask my grandma if I could have it to grow into.

Turns out granddad was a Grand Dragon in the Carolina KKK and it was his ceremonial robe. The family members who didnt know about this already were highly upset, the ones who knew were embarrassed as hell. There was a small riot when I walked into the kitchen wearing it. That was an awkward Thanksgiving.

It was like time froze for a minute and then people were rushing at me from every direction to bumrush me out of the kitchen. It was probably hilarious if you werent the one with three huge women rushing at you like NFL linebackers :(

-NorthSideBill1

H/T: Reddit

We're all self-conscious about something, and it doesn't help when our faults get thrown in our faces. You don't want doctors hinting that something is "weird down there," nor do you want someone to tell you you're balding. WE KNOW.

Keep reading... Show less
Fox News, @hewster1369/Twitter

A guest on Fox News is being roasted online after his unusual description of how one would get high on marijuana.

Keep reading... Show less

Hmmmm, I don't think THAT'S your essay....

Keep reading... Show less

When you know your kids backwards and forwards, this is the best tool in your arsenal.

Getting our kids to listen to us is not always the easiest of tasks. They're willful and stubborn, but we've got a mighty weapon they are rarely prepared for: reverse psychology. Getting them to convince themselves to want to do something against their own initial intentions takes some work and a whole lot of creativity, but a little sneaky manipulation goes a long way. Here are some clever parents' tricks that are definitely worth taking notes on.

Redditor u/LeanderD Asks:

Parents of reddit, what's your best example of reversed psychology on your kids that actually worked?

He Floated His Idea Through A Back Channel

Giphy

Wanted to name my boat. Anything I would think of was dismissed as stupid by my 13 year old son. After deciding on a name, I confided to a male friend my son liked. Made my friend suggest the name as though it was his idea. My son thought the name was perfect. Done.

calypsodweller

We Always Want What We Can't Have

One of my best friends through childhood used to be punished with no salad if she misbehaved. She cherishes salad now and would always try to eat as much as possible during school lunch. Coincidentally, her now husband used to be punished with no books, it had the same effect. I think it's hilarious that they'd be hitting the salad bar and library like some black market their narc parents couldn't reach hahaha.

cookiearthquake

A Deceit That's A Cut Above The Rest

Giphy

Don't know if this counts, but, at my high school (private, boys only) in the 1960's, they made a big deal about how long your hair was, and would occasionally order a boy to go home and "get a haircut".

I thought it was stupid, until years later, a master confided to me at a reunion that the policy was deliberate. The school figured we'd spend so much energy rebelling about hair length, that we would ignore other aspects of teenage rebellion. (Not?) Surprisingly, they were mostly right.

FrankDrakman

Damn! That's smart. Wow.

fangxx456

Oh they don't like long hair?

I'll show them. I'll grow my hair out as lon- what?! No I don't want to go "party"? I gotta try out this horse shampoo.

DankeyKang11

The Forbidden Book

Hi I was a victim,

There was a forbidden book that I was not allow to read on the shelf. My parents said I could only read it if I behave myself.

It was summer holidays and I was playing games all day (after 6 hrs of summer homework). One day I was home alone and had the opportunity to grabbed it. I read like half of it in one go. It was 5000 years of Chinese history.

Safe to say I was bamboozled.

oddstodd

Flowers Of The Queen

My parents always told me my broccoli were the flowers of the queen and that I really shouldn't eat them, or else the queen would get very upset! I, of course, ate the whole broccoli in a few seconds.

Subwoofy

I'm telling the queen and she's gonna be pissed

draculacletus

Sleeping Beauty

Giphy

I taught my kids when they were toddlers that no amount of yelling, shaking or hitting can wake a sleeping adult. The only thing that works is a gentle hug and/or a nice kiss on the cheek.

Edit: Probably needed some more details for the reverse psychology aspect to be clear. It went something like this - Step one, tell the kids I'm going to sleep and nothing they do will wake me (head buried face down is the safest position). Step two, after the initial onslaught dies down pretend to awaken on your own. Tell them you got a bit of nap left in you and nothing can wake you, especially not hugs and kisses.

DrMethusael

Holy sh*t...if my daughter woke me up like this I would buy her a pony.

All-Seeing_Elon

I am saving this comment because this will save lives if I ever have kids, stg.

smerter

A Walk In Someone Else's Shoes.

Split custody with my ex. When my son was around 10, he visited two weekends a month. I was waiting tables and didn't have a huge amount to spend, but he was so needy from divorce (and I'm not blaming him, it was ugly), he begged constantly for MORE when he was with me. Whatever more was, it didn't matter... he'd be eating ice cream cone and begging for teriyaki.

I finally realized that he just felt empty, and getting MORE whatever from me wasn't filling him up. His next visit I handed him $100 in cash and told him it was our food/fun budget for 3 days and two nights, and he was in charge of it. I bought him his own wallet to carry. We figured out how many times we were going to eat and what we were going to do, and he paid. He got to keep whatever money he had left...thought he was rich...then realized just how much everything cost. Well. Shoe on other foot then. If we had no money for food, we ate leftovers - and I didn't contribute more to pot. After a few weekends of running short or not getting something he actually wanted because he was foolish with funds, he started to really think about how to spend that money. He budgeted and kept to his budget. And a few times he actually went home with a little cash for his private stash.

Many years later, he thanked me for this. It really changed the way he thought about money and love.

Augumenti

This Is Worth Giving A Shot

Took my 3 year old son to one of those doctor's visits where he was going to get a shot. He was worried about the shot on the whole drive over, almost to the point of tears. We get to the doctor's office and a nurse subtly lets me know that my son is not just scheduled for 1 shot, but 5 of them in the same visit.

I turn to my son with an exaggerated smile and tell him, "Good news! They figured out how to take that one big shot you were going to get and instead break it up into these 5 little tiny shots so it won't hurt nearly as much!"

You could see the relief wash over his face. He stopped squirming and relaxed completely. He took the first shot and even smiled and said "It's true! The small ones don't hurt!"

We actually made it through the third shot before the effect wore off and reality kicked in. Still... I counted it as a victory.

blackbird77

Put This To The Taste

Giphy

My mom would tell me she only lets me eat soup after candy and she'd only buy me candy that i didn't like. After a few times, i stopped trying and begged her to let me eat soup first. She gave me a smirk and told me go ahead. This doesn't sound as evil as it was. But trust me i suffered.

turkeypr0

So what was the candy?

Poster_Main

Mint chocolate, raisins, stuff like that. I still hate them to this day. Who the f--- thought while eating chocolate "hmm id like some tooth paste with this."

turkeypr0

This is Truckin' Awesome

Mum had sworn a bit around the house.

When 4, while out at the supermarket, I said F word really loudly.

Very quickly and intently, she asked if I had just said "Truck" and said that was a bad word and not to ever say Truck like that again.

I thought that was the bad word so used that when being naughty.

GodOfTheThunder

The "Silly Mom" Routine

The "Silly Mom" routine.

My kid, and a few other kids I've known, would balk at getting ready to go. I'd grab their clothes and say, "Well, if you won't put on your clothes, I guess I'll put on your clothes. Cute shirt, by the way! Does it go on my foot?"

NO!

"Does it go on my head?"

NO! IT GOES ON ME!

"Oh, that's right, thanks! So, it must go on your legs, right?"

NO!

"I just can't figure this out! Where does this adorable shirt go?"

[kid grabs shirt and puts it on] ON MY TUMMY! SILLY MOM!

"Oh, thank you so much! Now what about these pants? Shirts go on tummies, so...the pants go on the tummy, too, right?"

NO!

[continue until kids have dressed themselves]

I would also do things like hand the kid my keys and say, "Alright, you're driving, I'll sit in the booster seat in back," attempt to feed the kid by putting a spoon up to his ear or his belly button, and attempt to put away his toys in the refrigerator.

insertcaffeine

Some Foot For Thought.

Giphy

My mum would always yell at us "if you don't do X, you have to go to bed without socks!"

I never wore socks anyway, and I'm ashamed to admit that this worked.

Splittsky

That would work really well on my son, or make him cry for a really long time... He's 3 and over the last few weeks has decided that he is fully unable to sleep without socks on.

PJQueen

Toddlers man. Completely unpredictable.

SheaRVA

I'm Greens With Envy

My mum had a friend that would put vegetables on her own plate and not the kids.

When the kids asked she would be reluctant to share, "that's grown up food. But I suppose I can let you have a little."

Her kids grew up loving vegetables.

I sat at the dinner table for 3 hours staring at the yucky cauliflower I refused to eat.

laik72

This reminds me of an instance when my child convinced my wife and myself to change our plans for dinner. We were in a grocery store to pick up something quick and easy to eat that we wouldn't have to prepare. Our daughter, wanted none of that, she demanded that she wanted a salad from the salad bar. We started to argue back, but then realized: "Our child demands that we feed her vegetables for dinner instead of a microwaved meal, why are we saying 'No?'"

We had salad for dinner that night.

Galaxy_Ranger_Bob

The Power Of Choice

I don't so much know if you would call it reverse psychology, but I didn't realize it until my dad told me this.

When there were chores that needed doing, he noticed if he asked me to mow the lawn, I would complain and procrastinate. But if he asked would I rather mow the lawn or wash the windows, I'd pick one and just get it done.

Shattered my brain when he told me when I was in my twenties. I use it when I'm coaching or baby sitting all the time and it almost never fails.

AppealToReason16

The Boy Who Cried 'Ouch'

Giphy

I've done this one with tens of kids. Any time a kid gets "hurt" (falls down on grass, gets gently hit in the face with a ball, etc.) instead of stopping the activity to pick the kid up and see if they're ok you just scoot them off to the side and resume. Within 10 seconds of not getting all the attention and seeing the fun is resuming they pop right back up and are magically healed.

This of course is only for the "injuries" that aren't actually injuries.

pedanticProgramer

Kelly Sullivan/Getty Images

The internet has been dominated this week with talk of Sony and Disney splitting over their agreement to have Spider-man in Marvel's Cinematic Universe.

After Deadline reported that negotiations had broken down in the contract renewal, everyone has had hot takes on the situation.

Keep reading... Show less

Reddit user cuddlethrowawayy found himself in an awkward situation recently when his in-laws and wife chastised him for cuddling with his 15-year-old daughter while the family watched a movie.

On the famous subreddit "Am I The A**hole?" he told the entire story in a viral post entitled "AITA for telling my wife and in-laws to f*** off after they told me to stop cuddling my daughter?

Keep reading... Show less