People Share Their One Key Rule For A 'Friends With Benefits' Relationship

Friends with benefits can seem like a good idea... in theory.

Everybody has a carnal itch to scratch now and again.

But FWB can have unexpected repercussions.

Not having firm rules and boundaries in place can lead to chaos and heartbreak.

It's a tale as old as time.

So how do we minimize the damage?

Redditor LovelyAuraxx wanted to hear about the ways people have tried to make "friends with benefits" work, so they asked:

"People who have had a 'friends with benefits' situation—what’s the one rule or boundary that made it work (or caused it to fail)?"

Stay Out

"Not invading their private space."

- Johny_bravo-420

Green Bay Packers Chill GIF by Martellus Bennett's Text Back PackGiphy

Pairing Up

"My personal experience is that sexual intimacy triggers the whole 'pair bonding' instinct, which is NOT necessarily a good thing if the other person is not a good candidate for an LTR. I suspect this is true of a lot of people who shouldn't even entertain the notion of an FWB setup."

- lucky_ducker

No Feelings

"Don’t do it if you crave romance and affection."

- avonpurple

"People do have the wrong idea of what friends with benefits is. To me, it’s someone I may know that I may fool around with or sleep with. But we don’t have to do that. We can be perfectly fine, chill with each other, and not get intimate. But I do agree if you have feelings for that person. Do not try that. Cause it just confuses things, and it never ends well."

- Ill_Cod7460

Experations Dates

"That you gotta understand it is temporary, it can end the next day, or one year later. I could say there are many possible rules and boundaries."

"The most important one is talking about it truthfully, having an honest conversation and knowing the reasons why it works for you and why it works for the other side."

- IntrepidTurnover8635

Effortless

"I swear when people describe versions that work it always sounds like they are just putting effort into something that’s going nowhere. But I guess the idea of being able to choose to be there for someone that doesn’t have to be there for you is better than finding someone you could put everything into and possibly get hurt."

- bigpproggression

"The point is that there is NO effort. There is no commitment and no expectations. You are both getting the companionship and intimacy that you need in the moment, knowing that it won't work long-term for one reason or another. As soon as it's no longer convenient, the arrangement ends, and both people walk away from it knowing it was only temporary."

- grooves12

Off & On

"Dated a girl for a couple of months, and while it was fun, neither of us thought it would go somewhere long term. So we broke it off on friendly terms, but we both enjoyed the bedroom times so we talked about it and made clear rules. No fwb if either of us is in a relationship. If one of us starts to catch feelings, then we need to stop the fwb shenanigans and tell the other person. It wouldn't be fair or nice to continue in that situation."

"For maybe a decade, we would be on again, off again fwb. One or both of us would be in a relationship, and we'd stop. Then neither of us would be, and we'd resume."

"The last time came when I was driving her back to her place once, and she told me she wanted to try dating again. I personally still didn't think we would work as an actual couple, so I told her that I think our situation only worked because neither of us thought it would go long-term. So we stopped the fwb."

"Since then we've both gotten married and have had children. She moved to a different country last I heard. I enjoyed our time together, and I hope she looks back at it and feels the same."

- MorkSal

Amazing!

"The girl I was with said that we were in two different worlds (I was in UNI and she already finished hers and was working already), and that we will never work as a couple. Since the sex was good and I was young that was a win-win for me."

"We hang out for 4 years with no talking besides on weekends to arrange the meet up. Then I started to date for 4 years, and we stopped talking. After I broke up, she texted me, and we hung out for almost one more year the same way we did before, even though I was already working."

"Met my actual wife and we stopped out FWB meetings. Im marrried with kids now and I heard she is too! She was an amazing person btw."

- brucechow

The End

"Did the FWB thing with a long-term friend. It all fell apart when we got married..."

- Hephaestus0308

just married love GIFGiphy

Don't Catch It

"I think you have to not spend too much time together to avoid catching feelings, for me at least. If I at least generally like someone enough to be sleeping with them plus we’re spending several nights a week together, it’s going to be hard to not catch feelings. But if it’s less frequent, I’m fine."

- kkat39

"A couple of mine were long distance, so I guess that helped. We met online gaming and would occasionally meet up at events or plan random trips. So fun! If either of them had been local, feelings definitely would have developed."

- annabellynn

The Only One

"It was during a gap year, so there was a specific end date."

"During that time we wouldn't be looking for a partner anyway, so that just worked."

- HanzerwagenV2

"What has FWB has to do with other people?"

"It's about just 'fun sex' without the depth and feeling. Whether or not that person is active with other people has really nothing to do with that. That is just the difference between monogamous or polyamorous relations."

- HanzerwagenV2

Talk to Me

"I don't have one now, but the girls I did have it was communication. It's similar to a relationship, so act accordingly. We said from the start this is is what I want and nothing more, if you feel something more let me know so we can talk about it (which I had people catch feelings and we talked about it like grown people.)"

- r0ckerdud3

Health Send GIF by OpenNotesGiphy

Mixed Feelings

"We didn't really have rules. Basically, we just were like, we enjoy each other, but we don't want to date each other. Like, we were not very compatible as a couple or possible marriage, and we both realized that and decided to just hook up with each other until we found our compatible person. Everything went just as we said/planned it."

"Then she found her person, and they started dating, and I never went around her again. I didn't want to start anything or possibly give her mixed feelings somehow, and now they're married and have kids, and I'm super happy for her. I also found my person around the same time, too, and I'm also happily married. So it worked out really great for both of us."

- DINGLEBERRYTROUBLE

Career First

"The only time it worked out for me was with a young female banking executive who, according to her, didn't have the time, or inclination, for a romantic relationship, but she still needed to have sex occasionally. As a background, I had known her for several years, both professionally and as a member of civic clubs."

"During a club event, several of us went out to a sushi restaurant in a nearby town, and the young banking executive ended up back at my place. She was very up front and laid out exactly what she was looking for and asked if I was agreeable. I didn't have much faith that it would work out, but to my surprise, it worked well for several years until she got a major promotion and was transferred."

"I think the reason it worked was because she was basically married to her career, and she never lost sight of her goal. As for me, I think I was as driven and goal-oriented in my career as she was in hers."

- DamienSpecterII

Benefits

"I had a couple of long-term FWB's in my single days, and I think one thing that worked really well was being able to talk to them about dating."

"So when either of us starting seeing someone new, we could be sounding boards for questions or concerns. We knew each other well enough to know what we want, and we could translate behaviour from the opposite sex and give genuine advice on how to move forward."

"Crucially, when either of us did start dating someone exclusively (and thereby ending/pausing any hookups between us) we were genuinely happy for each other. In short I think it's important to not just focus on the benefits, but make sure you're a friend also."

- Marquis_De-Lafayette

Approaches

"Not a rule per se but an overall mentality and approach. For it to work you both need to be able to have an open discussion about what the boundaries and expectations are. Leave nothing to misinterpretation, even discuss things that could happen in the moment. If this cannot be done then my personal view is that it won't work and someone will get hurt."

- Specialist-Neat-9502

No Fam

"I don't meet your friends or family. You don't meet mine. In the end, she fell in love, I didn't."

- sterlingarcher0069

Family GIFGiphy

The no Fam rule should be rule #1!

And don't meet other friends either.

It can be arduous when you're "benefitting" with a friend from a popular friend group.

So just deal with that group, but no new friends.

I can't tell you how many times I've been shot in the foot from introducing my liasons to friends.

Then you can't shake them when it's time to move on. And boundaries.

Boundaries are a must. Maybe even a contract in blood.

Just in case.

What rules did y'all follow with your FWB?