There are fewer discoveries more unpleasant than learning that your partner has been cheating on you.
Filling your head with countless questions, such as "What led them to do it? "
"How many times were they lying to me?"
And, perhaps first and foremost, "should I stay with them."
In many cases, the love is strong enough that they will choose to forgive and stay with them.
What happens after that decision, however, is not always a guarantee.
Redditor golden_loner was curious to hear how things turned out for people who forgave their partners after learning of their infidelities, leading them to ask:
"For anyone who forgave a cheating partner, how’d it turn out?"
Once A Cheater...
"Forgave him and stuck around."
"Came home once, 1 year after the fact, unannounced on a lunch break."
"Start hearing noises like a crow cawing in distress when I get to the door."
""All under the brand new kitchen counter I had paid for."
"Yep, not that great."- karlmarkz321
Forgiving Was Easy, Forgetting Was Hard.
"I don't know if he ever cheated again, but the trust was so broken that it didn't matter."
"My fuse got short, self-esteem got low, and the whole relationship turned into a toxic whirlwind."
"0/10 would not recommend."- trophy-tabby
Forgiveness Only Goes So Far...
"I forgave her, but we are still divorced."
"I realized the person I loved changed into someone I did not recognize."- rmorlock
No Second Chances
"The cheating didn't stop."
"He just started being more careful about locking down his phone and computer."
"Divorced his sorry a** not long after."- for8835
Honesty Is Always The Best Policy
"I found I could forgive the actual sex part of the cheating but couldn't really get over the lies, breach of trust, and lack of regard for my health."
"So eventually, I ended the relationship."
"We're actually still on somewhat friendly terms (overlapping friend circles, so we'll chat if we end up at the same gathering)."
"And we're both happily married to other people, hopefully, they learned from the experience."- InannasPocket
The Comparison Says It All...
"Many years later, I caught him again."
"That was it for me. 31 years married, murderers get less time."- Curlytomato
It's Not Easy, But It's Possible
"We've been together 30+ years."
"Cheating was ~25 years ago."
"Some really frank discussions and some level of distrust got us through the initial part."
"We were young and outgrew it."
"Doing great these days, but I still wouldn't recommend it."- bobdob123usa
Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda...
"I forgave him but our relationship started to slowly dissolve as I no longer trusted him."
"He started to resent me and we slowly crashed and burned and it ended 2 years later."
"12 years total."
"Surprise, he never really stopped cheating- he just got better at hiding it."
"In retrospect, there are a few things I wish I had done differently after I found out:"
"I told him to pack a bag and go to his parents for a few days while I sort out my feelings."
"He was living in my condo."
"I was not firm on this, and he stayed at my place."
"I think the space would’ve given me greater clarity."
"Sex really sucked after; I never felt comfortable again and faked the O for 2 years just to get him to get off me."
"I wish I had never faked it and was just honest that it wasn’t working."
"He made me promise to not tell anyone."
"I did as he requested."
"When it finally ended, he spun the tail that he was the victim, and I was crazy."
"That really hurt, I lost a whole friend group."
"If I had been honest, then they would’ve known he was the one that ruined the relationship years prior."
"Forgiving a cheating partner: 0/5 stars would not recommend to a friend."- this_girl_that_time
Long Road To Recovery
"We both cheated on each other."
"We were doing a lot of drugs at the time."
"Now we both are sober."
"It goes hand in hand with our recovery, and we have been doing great."
"That was 7 years ago now."- likes_soccer
All The Proof They Needed...
"I forgave 2 different partners."
"The second one, I forgave because I didn't have concrete proof."
"He lied and said he just talked to a friend about how he'd had feelings for her when he was single but nothing more (a different friend apparently threatened to out him if he didn't tell)."
"It felt like he was holding back, and I could tell there was something worse he wasn't saying."
"Especially when he deleted his Facebook so he, 'wouldn't screw up again', which felt extreme when I was just trying to figure out why he was feeling so guilty and like such a bad person."
"He was actually messaging a bunch of girls trying to dirty talk/shoot his shot, as I later found out."
"And a bunch of our friends knew but didn't tell me because they thought I was great for him and made his life so much better."
"Apparently didn't matter that he was bad for me and made my life worse."
'Also not having Facebook didn't keep him from cheating while traveling for work."
"I should have known to just end things when all the shady stuff was going on, not having absolute proof didn't matter when he was clearly hiding things."- Imakefishdrown
As The Saying Goes...
"After a two year affair, I ultimately forgave him."
"We did a ton of (years-long) work through individual counselors and couples counseling."
"I rebuffed any notion of the idea of 'once a cheater, always a cheater' because my husband had done the work to change."
"Fast forward 8 years…"
"I uncovered another 18-month affair."
"So, I guess the 'work' he did didn’t stick."
"So…once a cheater, always a cheater."- applestoapples2015
Never Forget To Love Yourself
"She cheated when we dated."
"Then I caught her with my next-door neighbor after 10 years of marriage and two kids."
"Stayed again."
"Recently found out about some suspicious activities she did on a girls' trip a few years ago."
"It happened a long time ago, but it’s new to me and a reminder of how loving and living with someone who isn’t capable of respecting you is just a horrible way to live your life."- OkDelay2395
The World Works In Mysterious Ways
"She did it again."
"Had a nice few months after the issue where things were 'normal' and I had a loving and attentive girlfriend again, but in hindsight, I was just Mr purse holder for her until the next exciting guy came along."
"She wound up doing it again after 8 months and told me she didn’t want to be with me anymore."
"Broke me again, but I recovered, though I spent too much time moping over her…"
"But hey, we were all young, dumb, and in love once right?"
"Now?"
"I have no idea what happened to her."
"We lost contact 14 years ago (not that we had much contact after the second instance)."
"I have no idea if she’s alive or what she might be up to (though last I heard she was seeing someone that is involved with organized crime), but a friend of mine (the same friend that introduced us actually) wound up buying the house across the street from her childhood home."
"I didn’t realize it at first, I thought the neighborhood looked familiar but didn’t think anything of it until I visited my friend and saw her mom and dad in the driveway across the street."
"I’ll never forget that awkward moment, the eye contact with her folks."
"The strange wave hello…and how her mom came up to me to say hello."
"Her mom was still lovely, and I was glad to introduce her to my wife (fiancé at the time) before we headed inside my friends.'
"Life is weird, and fate has a sense of humor."- Able1-6R
Case By Case Basis
"5 years of really hard work and also accepting that this would be a different relationship than (the one I thought I was in) for the last 15 years."
"You start over, in a lot of ways."
"I don’t judge anyone for how they handle infidelity trauma."
"Just make the choices you want, for you."- ChickenNoodleSoup_4
Onwards and Upwards
"I moved past it."
"Happened again but find out way after the fact."
"Done."
"Over and out."- Financial-Flow-7034
Forgiveness comes in many forms.
As forgiving someone, or being forgiven, doesn't always take away the pain and harm that was caused.
This is why, sometimes, the most effective way to forgive is to let go and move on.
