Some people can change for the better, but that doesn't seem to be a popular opinion based on their personal experiences.
Especially in terms of dating, "once a cheater, always a cheater" seems to be a common mindset.
But even the reason for infidelity, while inexcusable, can be the result of complications in certain relationships rather than being a reflection of the type of person.
Is it fair to be branded a serial liar if we've fibbed fewer times than others? Probably not.
In pursuit of seeking redemption for those who've made one bad decision while in a relationship, Redditor sunshine320159 asked:
"People who married someone that cheated while dating, how’s your marriage now?"
Not all marriages are matrimonial bliss.
Fool Me Once
"Divorced."
"You can't Avoid marrying someone you don't trust."
"So simple, yet such a hard lesson."
– Confused_Family796
Good Track Record
"Divorced. Due to an affair. Everyone, including me, thought we had an amazing 13-year marriage, and we were working on trying to have our second child."
– Mydoglovescoffee
She Can't Be Trusted
"She continued to cheat so we divorced. She continued to cheat on the next guy, so they divorced, and she still didn't learn. She's now alone and miserable in her 60's."
– ContributionFar6060
Never Satisifed
"I know a guy who dated this girl in college who cheated on him, and he still married her. Midway through their marriage, she decided she wanted to try polyamory (so she said), and the first dude she dated was the guy she cheated with in college. The marriage is now in shambles."
– bigblackkittie
Fool Me Twice...
"I found out he cheated near the beginning of our dating relationship, then I thought was faithful so we married 3 years later."
"Turns out he was cheating pretty much constantly throughout the entire three years of dating and ten years of marriage… including right before our wedding and right after our kids were born."
"I don’t know why I forgave him so many times. I think it was a mix of youthful hope and trauma bonding."
"Anyway, we’re divorced now and every night I enjoy the peaceful and glorious sleep of a woman who knows nobody is out cheating on her."
– MissLauraCroft
Moving On
"Over - I divorced him. Could never get past that early breach of trust, and the resentment was dissolving my soul."
– lobsterpasta
"Similar situation here. He cheated 3 years ago, I decided to stay because he went to therapy for sex addiction and porn addiction. He made a lot of progress, but overall I couldn’t get over it (there were some other issues too not related to cheating). Husband blames me for ruining us. He says I led him on for three years while he put in the work. I feel awful."
– SellingHugs4Pugs
There can be redemption.
Not The Norm
"He cheated one drunken night while away at college. He doesn’t drink anymore, we went to therapy and we’ve been married for almost 30 years now. We have a happy life together. But I wouldn’t say this is the norm, most relationships don’t work after cheating."
– HauntMe1973
Strength From Forgiveness
"I have a similar story! He cheated one drunken night, early into our long-distance relationship. He was 21, with almost no experience prior to me. I found out years later and was devastated. I understood the 'why' and forgave him, and he proposed a few months later. It ruined the 'fairytale' but it also proved that if we could survive that and come together stronger and closer, we could survive anything. We both entered into marriage with eyes wide open."
"We’ve been happily married for 15 years, and it came up in conversation recently, where we discussed it without any resentment or hard feelings and the psychology behind it."
"I agree - it’s not the norm for a relationship to work out after this, but in some cases, it does."
– Koekeloer_
One Happy Family
"It's going brilliantly, all 4 of us are pretty joyous now."
– Either-Sherbert-8845
It Takes Work
"My marriage is awesome. I fully trust in him again and he’s the absolute love of my life. But just because it worked out for me doesn’t mean it will for everyone. It took a lot of hard work on both of our parts to get our relationship to where it is now. I would never fault anyone for not wanting to put that work in."
"Also, cheaters often aren’t properly remorseful, and if they’re not, then reconciliation isn’t possible. My husband was properly remorseful and was willing to lead the effort and work needed for our reconciliation. If that hadn’t been the case, I would have had to leave."
– Kiwipopchan
Rebuilding Trust
"My outcome is similar. We broke up due to his behavior… didn’t see each other at all for six months. He realized that he loved me, was behaving poorly, and was the problem so he worked on himself."
"While I worked on myself to set better boundaries, trust in myself, and redevelop my self-worth. He had to do a lot of work to rebuild my trust, but he did, and we’ve had a really good marriage. It took a ton of maturing and growing on both our parts."
– Specific_Culture_591
Different This Time
"Wow, it's nice to see someone similar to mine. She cheated on me early in the relationship. She didn't try and hide it. She was honest and remorseful. We spent time apart then came back together. Married for three years and together for 7. It's been amazing since then.
"Side note: I found that occasionally those memories resurface, and just I can almost feel that hurt all over again fresh. Has this happened to you? Sometimes, I feel like it's a scab that can still be torn open."
– Flankinator
Maturity Fixes Things
"My 18-year-old boyfriend cheated on me during our freshman year of college. We were 1300 miles apart and had only been dating for 4 months when we each left for college."
"He confessed, I was brokenhearted, he felt awful."
"That was 27 years ago. We’ve been married for 21 years with two kids and two dogs and we can’t get enough of each other. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I trust him with my life."
– lemric78
It's hard to rebuild trust after your significant other cheats on you.
However, cheating is often the result of issues in the relationship.
Or, sometimes, the cheater is just insatiable and requires sexual attention from multiple people.
Regardless, if you believe in the love you and your former partner have for each other and communicate your feelings, you can find your way back to each other with a renewed outlook on love.
Just trust your gut if reparing the broken relationship is worth investing in.
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