Skip to content
Search AI Powered

Latest Stories

Judge Shows Leniency To Clueless Capitol Rioter Who Thought He Was 'Storming The White House'

Judge Shows Leniency To Clueless Capitol Rioter Who Thought He Was 'Storming The White House'
@ryanjreilly/Twitter
Make us preferred on Google

If you needed a reminder that our criminal justice system often treats people unequally, here you go.

Dimwitted Capitol rioter Douglas Jensen, who thought the U.S. Capitol was the White House, has been granted leniency by a U.S. District judge because of his, well, dimwittedness.


It seems that joining a murderous mob in trying to publicly hang the Vice President and Speaker of the House isn't that big a deal if you don't know your U.S. Capitol from your presidential residence. Then it's just an oopsie, apparently!

Jensen, a QAnon devotee and diehard supporter of former Republican President Donald Trump, was among the first rioters to breach the Capitol--which, just to reiterate, he thought was the White House. He was also part of the group who chased U.S. Capitol Police Officer Eugene Goodman through the building.

But U.S. District Judge Timothy J. Kelly didn't seem to feel that conduct held much weight. While he stressed that Jensen's actions were serious, he felt his danger to society could be mitigated by a simple home confinement due to his ignorance about the basic rudiments of the United States government.

In a moment that will surely live forever in infamy, Jensen videoed himself before storming the Capitol, touching his hands to the exterior wall of the U.S. Capitol while saying:

"This is me, touching the fu*king White House."

It was not, for the record. This was followed by another video, in which Jensen yelled:

"Storm the White House! That's what we do!"

nathan fillion castle GIFGiphy

According to Judge Kelly, Jensen's ignorance means he couldn't possibly have premeditated his actions on January 6 because he "had no basic understanding of where he even was."

Quick question: Who makes you want to bash your head against a wall until the sweet release of unconsciousness consumes you more, Mr. Jensen, or Judge Kelly?

Now to be fair, pretrial release is the standard procedure under federal law in all but the most gravely serious criminal cases. But that, of course, wasn't the stated reason Judge Kelly gave for his leniency with Jensen.

One could also argue that breaking into the seat of government with a murderous mob yelling for the execution of government officials is a pretty gravely serious crime, even if the person doing it is a dumb-dumb and got the address wrong. But maybe that's just

Anyway, here's a fun fact shared for absolutely no reason whatsoever: As of 2017 there were at least 75 people, most of whom are Black, serving life or de facto life prison sentences for non-violent crimes related to marijuana. Guess those people should have stormed the Capitol while being White and not knowing where they were, instead!

Anyway, if this story has you screaming into the night in boundless rage, you're not alone--many people on Twitter were outraged by Judge Kelly's nonsense.







Of course, many others couldn't help but roast Jensen for not being the sharpest tool in the shed.





Jensen will be under the care of his wife while he awaits his trial date.

More from People/donald-trump

Omar Jimenez and Nancy Mace from CNN interview
CNN

Nancy Mace Gets Blunt Civics Lesson After Claiming Every Muslim Elected Official Is A 'Trojan Horse'

South Carolina Republican Representative Nancy Mace was called out by CNN anchor Omar Jimenez for her lack of understanding of the First Amendment after she published a series of Islamophobic tweets, including one referring to every Muslim elected official in the country as a "Trojan horse."

Mace's posts came after Abdul El-Sayed won Michigan's Democratic primary for U.S. Senate. El-Sayed, a physician who campaigned on expanding healthcare access, strengthening the economy, and ending unconditional U.S. military aid to Israel, became the first progressive to win a statewide primary in a state carried by President Donald Trump in the 2024 election. He is set to face former Republican Congressman Mike Rogers in November.

Keep ReadingShow less
Bill Cassidy; Donald Trump
Kevin Dietsch/Getty Images; Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

GOP Senator Hit With Brutal Reminder After Slamming Trump Over Executive Order To Break Up MMR Vaccine

Louisiana Republican Senator Bill Cassidy was criticized for voting to confirm Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as Secretary of Health and Human Services (HHS) after he spoke out against President Donald Trump's executive order recommending that the measles, mumps and rubella (MMR) vaccine be broken up into separate shots.

The new policy would recommend giving the MMR vaccine as three individual injections rather than as a combined shot, while also spacing childhood vaccinations across separate doctor visits.

Keep ReadingShow less
Dean Cain (left) questioned Michigan Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed’s (right) high school football history.
aul Archuleta/Getty Images for FreedomFest; Finn Gomez/Getty Images

MAGA Actor Dean Cain Swiftly Fact-Checked After Doubting Dem Senate Candidate Actually Played High School Football

Dean Cain had a question, a theory, and one consequential mistake—he asked the internet to “do your thing.” The former and failed Superman turned MAGA try-too-hard fan took aim at Michigan Democratic Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed on Sunday, but this investigation had less to do with truth, justice, and the American way than high school football.

It all started when Cain took his suspicions to X and invited the internet to find the receipts:

Keep ReadingShow less
Donald Trump
@atrupar/X

Trump Slammed After Claiming Infants Get Vaccines The 'Size Of A Bottle Of Soda' In Unhinged Rant

In the latest move toward promoting conspiracy theories and anti-vaxxer pseudoscience over legitimate research, MAGA Republican President Donald Trump signed an executive order titled Delivering Gold Standard Childhood Vaccine Recommendations for Americans.

The signing ceremony was attended by members of his administration and other guests, including anti-vax activist and Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., White House policy advisor and Project 2025 architect Stephen Miller, and health economist and controversial National Institutes of Health Director and acting Centers for Disease Control Director Jay Bhattacharya, who attended medical school but never practiced medicine.

Keep ReadingShow less
Ryan Reynolds; Janice and Jeff Ivey
Frazer Harrison/Getty Images; Jeff Ivey

Ryan Reynolds Has Hilarious One-Liner After Texas Couple Moves To Wrexham After Being Inspired By His Reality Show

After watching Welcome to Wrexham on Disney+ and visiting Wales seven times in the past two years, Texas couple Jeff and Janice Ivey decided to make the big move from Texas to Wrexham.

The docuseries stars Ryan Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia's Rob McElhenney, and the Wrexham soccer team, and it showcased a sense of community that the couple loved. Since Jeff has UK citizenship thanks to Scottish ancestry, the Iveys decided to put it to good use to visit various places in Wales, focusing their time on Wrexham.

Keep ReadingShow less