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CPAC Is Getting Dragged For Its Cringey List Of Events—And It's Conservative Christianity In A Nutshell

CPAC Is Getting Dragged For Its Cringey List Of Events—And It's Conservative Christianity In A Nutshell
Paul Hennessy/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images

It's that time of year again, kids! Today marks the launch of the 2022 Conservative Political Action Conference, or CPAC, the annual confab for right-wingers to screech about the evils of whatever they're currently labeling "socialism" and clap each other on the back for being bigots, or whatever.

It's a cluster every year (remember the golden statue of Trump from last year's mess?) but this year's is really on another level, even for Republicans.

First of all there's the theme--"Awake Not Woke," which is like something your drunk Fox News uncle slurs at you across the Thanksgiving dinner table. (Respectfully, right-wingers, what does this even mean?)

But it's the line-up of events at this year's meeting that really just... well it has to be seen to believed. Take this Sunday morning's barnstormer of an agenda, for example, as seen below.

After church, you hit up a seminar called "The Moron in Chief," which seems like something an eighth-grader would put in a slam book, not an actual session at the biggest meeting of American conservatives outside of a presidential nomination convention--that costs $295 to attend.

It doesn't stop there, though. Interested in a seminar about how much "the liberal media" sucks co-hosted by Papa John's CEO John Schnatter, who is just listed as "Papa John" on the official program because nobody could be bothered to Google his actual name? Then have we got the conference for you!


But wait, it gets so much worse! If you're still not convinced to pay $295 for this absolute mess, maybe Saturday's line-up, seen below, will do the trick.

In addition to seminars titled "Fire Fauci" and "Woke Inc.," Saturday reaches a fever pitch with a session called, we kid you not, "Lock Her Up, FOR REAL."

Still. In 2022. The 2016 election was six years ago. Meanwhile Hillary Clinton is just chilling at home doing a crossword puzzle not even thinking about these people, probably. Makes you think!

On Twitter, of course, people lost their minds over this.

Anyway, tickets are still available of kicking off the day with a seminar called "Domestic Terrorists Unite" is your sort of thing. Run, don't walk!