Adding Machine

In college many years ago I had a part-time job demonstrating a dollar counting machine (they were relatively new then). Once had to fly somewhere to give a demo, and took my duffle bag full of $1 bills. The guy searching that bag called for his boss to come over. The boss was experienced enough to figure out that real drug dealers don't traffic in low-value currency and he kept me from being arrested.

WillingPublic

That's A Taxi-Derm

It was me. I found a taxidermy chicken on a trip, and had to buy it. Then I had to get her home. Well, she wouldn't fit in my suitcase, so I had to carry her in my arms.

It was a really busy travel day, and that chicken amused EVERYONE. Absolutely every person in line suddenly wasn't grumpy anymore. TSA all laughed, especially when she had to go through the x-ray; passengers who were irritated at lines started smiling.

I loved it.

10/10 would travel with a chicken again.

Encrowpy

Yes, Your Weiner Dog

Bought a wiener dog corkscrew for my fiancé at a gift shop the same day as my flight. Threw it in my backpack and totally forgot to put it in my checked luggage. Noticed security grabbing my bag off the belt, they pulled out the corkscrew and I gasped and said "MY WEINER DOG!!!"

I must have looked genuinely concerned about that corkscrew because two TSA guys decided it didn't seem like much of a threat and let me keep it. Shoutout to those TSA guys for letting me bring my derpy gift home!

vulturelady

Idle Bags Are The Devil's Playground

I worked in a baggage room where bags sat idle until they were run to the plane or another transfer point. We typically didn't open bags unless they were leaking, vibrating or void of any information and we needed to reroute them (hoping for some form of ID inside the bag. It's vital you properly tag your baggage as the airline's tags are only held together by an adhesive strip that will detach should it get drenched and trust me, they can get drenched..oh and some are just plain paper and disintegrate) anywho...we had one guy come in from Paris with only a backpack. When it got to our bag room a large red pool of something was eeking out of the bag. Obviously our first thought is blood, so we put on some gloves and slowly open the bag.

There was cannisters of extract and syrup in the bag. Blueberry, blackberry, raspberry and strawberry...the strawberry had been badly damaged and was now leaking out of the bag and all over everything else. Dude also had a ton of whipped cream...like way more than anyone should ever have stuffed in this little back pack. He legit could have gotten these things from anywhere in the US but opted to jam them in a backpack and ship them across the world where one broke and definitely looked like a horror scene. We all knew better, but we were definitely waiting for there to be a head in there...

There's also the time that for whatever reason a 5 gallon bucket of something squishy was left on the ramp. The gate called us to come get it. It was actually bleeding and smelled like BBQ. There was a picture of a pig on the side of the bucket and everything was in Spanish. We got a friend to translate it and I forget what it was for, but the contents were sponge-like and filled with blood. Pretty gross

suestrong315

Sign A Release

My father travels a lot, and was going through airport security one day in Europe when he noticed his bag was taking longer than usual to go through the xray. The security guys called over another guy, and then another. They're all looking at the bag, gesturing and pointing.

A guy finally came over to my father and asked "are you a mountain climber? We can't figure out what is in your bag and climbing equipment is our best guess, you have some sort of metal hook in there."

My father was absolutely not a mountain climber, and happily opened his bag for them. He had bought a metal crane truck as a toy for my brother, and it looked strange on the machine. They all started cracking up, and asked if they could use the photo of the bag as training.

It must have been a slow night.

Its_Curse

Heirlooms On A Plane

I flew with an antique 12 inch cast-iron skillet with a lid and two antique oil lamps with iron brackets a mercury glass reflector in my carry-on. They were family heirlooms that I very carefully and skillfully wrapped in my sweaters and a long velvet skirt and lined everything with socks and bras (yes, my packing skills are to be envied). I had to explain to the TSA that I was not planning to use the skillet as a weapon and that the reflector was not the casing for a bomb while my bras were laying all over the table. Me yelling "be careful with that - it's super fragile" probably didn't help with my not-a-bomb plea.

Nutney

Rice Doesn't Belong Here

I was the passenger.

I was taking a pressure cooker and some spices to my sister that she left behind when moving out of state. In the interest of saving space in my luggage, I put the spices (the kind in glass jars with metal lids) inside the pressure cooker. I'd also found a pair of ear buds that belonged to her and chucked them in with the spices for an easy to hand off package.

I was not surprised to find TSA's note. I was a little put out that they confiscated my deodorant which had been in a sealed plastic bag with other hygiene supplies that were completely separated from the pressure cooker.

HeathAndLace

Granny Danger

My grandmother emigrated to Spain and we were helping her move her stuff to the new place.

My grandmother was 92 at the time , about 1.60 cm and a very neat and civilized person.

Security checked her bag,

Checked it again

Called some more security guys and pointed

And then they asked if she had anything in her bag that was illegal.

Grandmother said no, and they asked if they could search it.

They couldn't find anything at first so they asked her again if she had a knife or something like that in the bag.

Granny thought for a while and the she suddenly remember.

Unzipped a hidden pocket and pulled out a 15 cm switch blade that she forgot about it.

Apparently she used to carry a knife when she went to to the market with her friends and wanted to get a bit of food that she needed to carve up.

Or she used it to shank b*tches, Who knows!

the_milkman01

That's Really All You Need

I once was traveling for business and I just brought all my gameboy/gameboy advanced/ds/psp games. It was like 2 zip lock gallon bags filled with games and 3 portable systems. I checked my luggage bag so the only thing in my carryon was tons of video games and systems. TSA stopped and looked through it then brought over some other people to laugh at the guy traveling with nothing but 200 video games.

pmmehighscores

The Truth, The Whole Truth

Flying out from spending time with my girlfriend in another state. I'm anxious and especially nervous while going through security, topped with being sad that I won't be seeing my girlfriend for another long period of time, I'm feeling a little weepy.

My bag rolls through the scanner and I see the woman's face get all concerned and she calls over another agent to look at the screen. I'm thinking like, "oh good, what now?"

She asks me, "Do you have a milkshake mixer in your luggage?"

I'm just taking it all in for a minute before it dawns on me. I have no idea what a milkshake mixer looks like, but I know I don't have one. My Hitachi magic wand is in there.

At this point, I'm feeling overwhelmed by everything and now I'm pretty embarrassed and there's more attention on me than I care for.

So, I promptly burst into tears, sobbing, "It's a vibrator!"

shinyatits