Dating is a dangerous game, right? One minute, you're bragging about illegal stuff to your would-be paramour and the next it turns out they're the exact person who can get you in trouble for the illegal stuff you're bragging about!
But LOL what are the chances of that right? Turns out unfortunately high, at least if you're a certain woman from Oklahoma who bragged about poaching a deer... TO A GAME WARDEN.
Star-crossed lovers amirite?
The story, posted to the Oklahoma Game Wardens Facebook page, has quickly gone viral for it's uncanniness... and also stupidity.
Oklahoma game warden Cannon Harrison's Bumble chat started out simple enough--the standard hello, how are ya.
"Oh I'm great," the woman replied. "Just shot a bigo buck." (Which I think means "big ol' buck"?)
Harrison then asked if she killed the deer with a bow and arrow--and the woman basically admitted to using a rifle outside rifle season, giving Harrison his smoking gun (see what I did there). Violation one!
Harrison then asked if she used a spotlight, an illegal technique where hunters shine a spotlight at deer to stun them into freezing, making them easier to kill. To which the woman replied, "Yeahhhh" because... she's literally the world's most inept criminal.
I mean come on! Who admits to criminality to a stranger on an app?!
Even Harrison was shocked. In an interview, he told the Washington Post,
"Honestly, the first thing I thought was that it was someone who was messing with me because they knew who I was. It seemed too good to be true."
Head of the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Bill Hale, agreed: he placed the odds of a poacher and a game warden matching on a dating app at "probably less than winning the lottery."
But even given the incredible odds, this could have gone so smoothly! I mean she even sent him photos of more illegal activity! WHO DOES THIS?!
Here's how this could've gone:
WARDEN: "Hell yeah, get him with a bow?"
WARDEN: "Cool congrats, wanna get together for venison chili and make out and fall in love and get married and live happily ever after in bliss forever?"
LADY: "Sure okay!"
That's it! That's all she had to do!
Instead she did what she did, AND told Harrison where she lives, so wardens showed up at her house, charged her and accomplices with "an illegal deer case," and collected $2400 in fines.
On social media, people were quite frankly delighted, and the jokes rolled in--all at the hunter's expense!
Would their song be Flirting With Disaster or Blinded By The Light? Ht @AlongsideWild https://t.co/Rp81zkilDo— Jason Bittel (@Jason Bittel)1547007240.0
This has all they makings of a set up to a great romcom. https://t.co/4RnzIlqpPf— Oak Park Atheist (@Oak Park Atheist)1547054847.0
Woman on Bumble: I totally killed me this deer Man on Bumble: Pics or it didn’t happen Woman: Here you go. I used… https://t.co/LQ2wKwjB3B— Peter Bonilla (@Peter Bonilla)1547083741.0
I'm not sure catching a poacher ever gets easier than THIS. https://t.co/6hwnkRfURy— 107.9 The Mix (@107.9 The Mix)1547049637.0
Though for some, the real story here was the woman's... "creative" definition of "bigo":
Harrison told the Tulsa World the whole thing was "kind of a bummer" especially since, "she said it was her first deer ever, too."
Just goes to show: be careful what you reveal on a dating app or the only date you'll get is a court date! (Thank you, thank you very much.)