As far as we've come in the fight for gender equality, we sadly still have a very long way to go.
Possibly owing to the fact that there are fundamental differences between men and women, beyond anatomy.
Indeed, there are countless psychological studies about how men and women react and behave differently to numerous things.
Some things are easily detected, others that come off as a bit more of a surprise.
Redditor pizzabagelblastoff was curious to hear therapists' perspectives of the difference between male and female patients, leading them to ask:
"Therapists of Reddit, what are some differences you've noticed between male/female patients?"
The Turning Point
"I work with foster kids aged 2 - 18, therapeutic mentoring and placement stabilization."
"Up until like 9/10/11, there are no discernible differences."
"Preteen girls are more likely to seek control by refusing to see me or talk to me, preteen boys are usually thrilled that I'm taking them out of the house."
"Meanwhile, teen girls are usually thrilled to have someone actually listen to what they have to say and are very open, while teenage boys will seek control by trying to make me uncomfortable (they get weirdly sexual, make inappropriate jokes, or are mean)."- Aurelene-Rose
Savior Complex/Romanticizing...
"I was a therapist for people with psychosis and schizophrenia if that counts?"
"Men were more likely to have God delusions."
"'I am god, or God speaks to me'."
"Women were more likely to have romance delusions."
"' Michael Jackson speaks to me, I'm Mary and I'm pregnant by a miracle'."
"Both had pretty equal amounts of dissociative issues."
"'This world isn't real, humans are being replaced by zombies, you aren't my mom'."- goog1e
It Takes A Woman
"Men frequently schedule their first appointment because their wife or girlfriend strongly encouraged it."
"It’s more rare for them to reach out of their own volition."- revolutionutena
A Matter Of Time
"For me, men opened up faster."
"The first visit or two might be super limited and then the floodgates open all at once."
"The women are more open at the start, but drop big details ways slower."- therealcherry
Something Definitely Hurts
"Older men will often complain of physical pain when they really have depression."- Adoptafurrie
Over/Under
"Twenty years ago gender differences in therapy was an area I researched."
"A couple of general differences was a tendency for males to under-represent - so they'd say they weren't feeling as bad as they were, or that they were satisfied with the therapist when they weren't - or happy with them when only moderately satisfied."
"The other very general point was that males presented less verbally than females."
"Alexithymia was also much more common in males - that inability to identify emotions and therefore to explore them without professional support was absolutely crippling for many."
"This was observed in session rather than as part of traditional/ structured research."- meyeusername
All Aboard
"Men will whisper 'I’m not sure if I’m allowed to feel sad' after getting hit by a metaphorical train."
"Women will apologize to the train."- Brief_Buffalo4784
On The Basis Of Sex
"I dated a sex therapist."
"She said that if a couple came, it was generally that SHE wanted him to read her mind, and HE wanted an instruction booklet."
- Striking-Phrase-8695
We're All Human, And We're All Unique
"I treat people with co-occurring substance abuse and mental health issues."
"After 20 years, I don’t think that I could really say."
"Everybody has underlying issues that drive behavior so if they have trauma or a personality disorder or an anxiety disorder, everybody presents in a different way."
"It’s not really specific to gender."
"It’s based on your history, your coping skills, your insight and judgment into what’s going on."- Medusa17251
Results Oriented
"My male clients come to therapy wanting solutions, action, structure, and for me (a woman) to tell it like it is."
"Over time, we almost always end up going very psychodynamic (lots of talking, open-ended guiding questions, raising awareness of relational/childhood stuff, behavioral patterns) and processing the deeper stuff that they didn't think was relevant or no one gave them space to talk about before."
"My female clients are very high performing, controlling, perfectionist, burned out, and trying to perform therapy and healing in a perfect way."
"Over time, we end up working on self-acceptance, processing anger, boundaries, values-driven action, self-image, and raising consciousness on gender roles and capitalism."
"And actually feeling the emotions in addition to labeling and analyzing them."
"My female clients are often very self-aware when they meet me."
"They know their experience, their emotions, they know how to talk about it."
"What they need help with is a safe relational connection (a therapist) who can gently challenge them to really be honest with themselves."
"Growth doesn't happen without some discomfort, so we build tolerance for really looking at the self and barriers to change."- TheDuckSideOfTheMoon
Nurture, Not Nature
"Honestly, fewer differences than you’d think."
"Men tend to be more comfortable going to anger than women, and tend to have less of a support system and less openness about their mental health with people they care about, but that’s more societal conditioning than a hard truth about the gender."
"I often find men to be more attached to romantic ideals than women, paradoxically."- icecreamfight
Anger Management
"Therapy intern here! "
"One of the biggest differences I've noticed is how anger is presented."
"Many women I work with often feel this repressed anger that they deny themselves until it explodes out from them or they're completely unaware that they have an anger problem."
"They may also deny the expression of anger for fear of being labeled 'sensitive" or "hysterical'."
"Men, on the other hand, are conditioned that anger is the ONLY emotion that they are allowed to present so they often deny the depression, anxiety, and other negative emotions that inform that anger."
"Or they're so afraid of becoming like the other angry men in their lives that they deny themselves the expression of anger at all."- bun_daddy
All Hearts Are Easily Broken
"I work with a lot of college students, and guys always take break-ups much harder and are more likely to cry about them."- LampsLookingatyou
Masculinity Comes In Many Forms...
"In my experience as a therapist, I’ve noticed some common gender-related patterns that show up in the people I work with."
"Of course, everyone is different, and I never assume anything based on gender going into a session."
"These are just trends I’ve seen play out over time."
"My male clients often struggle with their sense of self and masculinity, especially in relationships."
"There’s a lot of pressure tied to being the 'provider' or 'the emotional/stoic rock' in the relationship."
"Many were raised to believe that their value (or what they provide) is based on what they can materially/financially contribute, not on emotional presence."
"Vulnerability is often uncomfortable because they weren’t given the language or space to express it growing up."
"A lot of men also fall into what I call the 'Mr. Fix-It mindset'."
"This is the idea that if they fix the problem, then the emotions around it (their own or their partner’s) will go away and everything will be alright again."
"On the surface, that might seem logical, but it’s often a way of avoiding emotional vulnerability and deeper connection."
"Again, this usually traces back to socialization."
"Emotional avoidance gets praised in boys as a strength, and that follows them into adulthood."
"I’ve also noticed that some men struggle with accountability in a unique way, not by avoiding it, but by over-accepting it."
"Some will take on all or most of the blame in a conflict, especially with a partner, to smooth things over and avoid further confrontation."
"On the surface, it looks like responsibility, but often it’s a way to bypass the emotional discomfort that would come with a deeper conversation."
"Anger tends to be a more acceptable outlet for many men, which makes sense considering how they were taught to express emotion."
"So a lot of the work is helping them expand their emotional vocabulary and get more comfortable with being vulnerable."
"I also tend to reframe terms like 'toxic masculinity' into something more approachable, like 'limiting masculinity'."
"That tends to land better and creates room for growth without defensiveness."
"Pointing out ways in which their masculinity, or how they see themselves, has been limited (such as with many of the examples above) helps them to reframe their experiences as men and makes them want to actively challenge them."
"Also, that's what 'toxic masculinity' is in essence: a way to limit masculinity to one specific ideal, which is enforced by society at large."
"It probably helps that I’m also a guy, so there’s a sense of shared experience."- InquisitiveGuy92
Inside/Outside...
"For context, I am an LMSW out of partial hospitalization program, which is a step down from the acuity of inpatient, so the clients we serve are in crisis/coming out of crisis."
"I speak in generalities here, of course, but because you asked the main differences I have noticed between male and female clients is two fold."
"Men tend to express internal emotional conflict, externally, often through impulsive, disruptive, risk-taking behaviors, rather than verbalizing or processing the emotion itself."
"Some examples of this are yelling, sabotaging relationships via violence, being aggressive, engaging in substance use, and engaging in reckless behaviors, breaking rules, etc."
"Women on the other hand, tend to turn emotional distress inward, often through withdrawal, internal self criticism/self suppression rather than expressing their needs or feelings outwardly."
"Some examples of this are: internalizing anger, and self blame, withdrawing from relationships, experiencing somatic complaints, like headaches and stomach issues, and engaging in self harming behavior, and experiencing eating disorders."
"Thus, men tend engage in acting out behaviors when struggling in women tend to engage in acting in behaviors."
"Along a similar vein of thinking, men tend to externalize blame."
"This can be shown in anger, defensiveness or blaming others as a protective mechanism."
"This can look like irritability, criticism of others, and avoidance denial of responsibility."
"This is because traditional social and gender norms often teach men to suppress vulnerable emotions like sadness or fear."
"Anger is an emotion that has been socialized as acceptable and masculine to express for males."
"Since women tend to internalize blame, and have been taught to prioritize relationships and harmony, women often self blame, experience a lot of guilt and shame, in over personalize conflict."
"So women engage in negative self talk, rumination, and try to fix things even when they are not the one at fault/the situation is unfixable."
"Thus men tend to look to someone something else to be the root of the problem, and women tend to view themselves as the root of the issue, even when situations/relationship/life, etc. is very often more nuanced than either/or."
"Again, I just want to say this is extreme over generalization and there are certainly women who externalize and men who internalize."
"This is simply my own attempt to utilize pattern recognition to answer your question!"- amposa
It's easy for a therapist, or anyone, to observe some constant patterns between their male and female patients.
At the end of the day, though, everyone is unique, and gender is not the only defining difference between two people.
Most importantly, no one should ever be afraid or insecure about seeking professional help if they think they need it.
