Amy Schumer Frantic To Preserve A Hilariously NSFW Carrot Her Husband Found While Cooking

If there's one thing we've learned in 2020, it's if something brings you joy, you should hang onto it at all costs. And comedian Amy Schumer is taking that advice to heart.

Schumer has launched an all-out offensive on social media to figure out how to save a carrot. But not just any carrot, of course--an extremely NSFW carrot that looks like an anatomically correct rendering of a man's, er, lower half that her husband found while cooking.

Yes, you read that right.

If you know how to preserve a carrot for posterity, Amy Schumer is waiting for your DM!

The carrot has two legs and a third, um, appendage, if you will, sticking out between those carrot legs that looks surprisingly realistic (orange color aside, of course).

Schumer's husband, chef Chris Fischer, discovered the carrot last month while he was cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Naturally, Schumer found the naughty carrot hilarious, so much so that she went live on Instagram to show the guy off.

Ever the comedian, Schumer could barely believe the joke she'd been handed, expressing her delighted surprise to her Instagram followers.

"This is just a carrot, OK? This isn't a prop, this isn't a game. This is a carrot, guys."

But, as all plants tend to do, eventually the carrot will decay, right? And Schumer is on a one-woman mission to make sure this phallic carrot lives forever.

She put out an urgent call to her fans for anyone who knows about "plaster or bronze" to reach out and show her the way to preserve the carrot for posterity.

As she put it in her Instagram video:

"...[We're] getting worried because we're realizing it's going to decay and we need to preserve it..."

"...[T]his should be in the Smithsonian. This carrot shouldn't die in our fridge."

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@laurabenanti/Instagram

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And many of them had ideas of how to preserve the little guy.

@amymillercomedy/Instagram

@brianenglishart/Instagram

@made_of_wishes/Instagram

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@laurarongione/Instagram

No word on what exact method Schumer is going to use, but she did post an update to Instagram over the weekend notifying her followers that the "preservation process has begun."

Long live the conspicuously endowed carrot!