Skip to content
Search AI Powered

Latest Stories

Amy Schumer Frantic To Preserve A Hilariously NSFW Carrot Her Husband Found While Cooking

Amy Schumer Frantic To Preserve A Hilariously NSFW Carrot Her Husband Found While Cooking
Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images

If there's one thing we've learned in 2020, it's if something brings you joy, you should hang onto it at all costs. And comedian Amy Schumer is taking that advice to heart.

Schumer has launched an all-out offensive on social media to figure out how to save a carrot. But not just any carrot, of course--an extremely NSFW carrot that looks like an anatomically correct rendering of a man's, er, lower half that her husband found while cooking.


Yes, you read that right.

If you know how to preserve a carrot for posterity, Amy Schumer is waiting for your DM!

The carrot has two legs and a third, um, appendage, if you will, sticking out between those carrot legs that looks surprisingly realistic (orange color aside, of course).

Schumer's husband, chef Chris Fischer, discovered the carrot last month while he was cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Naturally, Schumer found the naughty carrot hilarious, so much so that she went live on Instagram to show the guy off.

Ever the comedian, Schumer could barely believe the joke she'd been handed, expressing her delighted surprise to her Instagram followers.

"This is just a carrot, OK? This isn't a prop, this isn't a game. This is a carrot, guys."

But, as all plants tend to do, eventually the carrot will decay, right? And Schumer is on a one-woman mission to make sure this phallic carrot lives forever.

She put out an urgent call to her fans for anyone who knows about "plaster or bronze" to reach out and show her the way to preserve the carrot for posterity.

As she put it in her Instagram video:

"...[We're] getting worried because we're realizing it's going to decay and we need to preserve it..."
"...[T]his should be in the Smithsonian. This carrot shouldn't die in our fridge."
Schumer's fellow Instagrammers were definitely on board with saving this hilarious carrot forever.

@jessronagrooming/Instagram


@laurabenanti/Instagram


@domesticginger/Instagram


@photomaeve/Instagram


@marilynbarrera19/Instagram

And many of them had ideas of how to preserve the little guy.

@amymillercomedy/Instagram


@brianenglishart/Instagram


@made_of_wishes/Instagram


@cilsml/Instagram


@laurarongione/Instagram

No word on what exact method Schumer is going to use, but she did post an update to Instagram over the weekend notifying her followers that the "preservation process has begun."

Long live the conspicuously endowed carrot!

More from Trending

Scott Perry
Kayla Bartkowski/Getty Images

GOP Rep. Tried To Trash The 'Big Beautiful Bill' On X—And Got Called Out Hard By A Community Note

Pennsylvania MAGA GOP Representative Scott Perry is joining the queue of rats jumping off the sinking ship of MAGA Republican President Donald Trump's One Big Beautiful Bill.

However, unlike Georgia and Nebraska MAGA Representatives Marjorie Taylor Greene and Mike Flood, who both claimed they had no idea what was in the tax and spending cuts bill when they voted for it, Perry just trashed the bill as bad legislation.

Keep ReadingShow less
JD Vance
Saul Loeb/AFP via Getty Images

Vance Just Called The LA Protesters 'Insurrectionists'—And Was Swiftly Called Out For His Hypocrisy

After President Donald Trump deployed the National Guard to Los Angeles amid protests against immigration raids, Vice President JD Vance was called out for hypocrisy after calling protesters "insurrectionists."

California National Guard troops arrived in Los Angeles on Sunday morning, just hours after Trump signed an order deploying 2,000 service members in response to escalating immigration protests in the city. The order came after multiple confrontations between demonstrators and federal agents carrying out immigration enforcement operations—clashes that have resulted in over 100 arrests.

Keep ReadingShow less
Screenshot of John Morales
WTVJ

Florida Meteorologist Warns How DOGE Cuts Will Affect His Ability To Predict Hurricanes In On-Air Rant

John Morales, a WTVJ meteorologist, went viral for warning viewers about how cuts to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) and National Weather Service (NWS) will compromise his ability to accurately predict and track Florida hurricanes—to say nothing of forecasts nationwide.

Morales said the overall quality of weather forecasts across the country is already “becoming degraded” due to recent budget cuts by billionaire Elon Musk's advisory Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), and cautioned that hurricane forecasting will likely be the next casualty.

Keep ReadingShow less
Screenshot of Annie Andrews; Lindsey Graham
Annie Andrews/YouTube; Rebecca Noble/Getty Images

Pediatrician Running To Unseat Lindsey Graham Says He's 'Full Of Sh*t' In Fiery Campaign Video

Dr. Annie Andrews, who is running to unseat Republican Senator Lindsey Graham in South Carolina, said he is "full of s*it" in a campaign video criticizing the four-term incumbent for flip-flopping his political positions throughout his career.

In her video, Andrews calls it “embarrassing” to watch Graham shift so dramatically from once criticizing President Donald Trump to actively courting his approval.

Keep ReadingShow less
Man watching as woman walks into bedroom
Photo by We-Vibe Toys on Unsplash

People Divulge The Most Unexpected Person They've Hooked Up With

Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're going to get!

Every day can be full of surprises, especially if you're willing to explore, take chances, and try new things.

Keep ReadingShow less